1) The Daytona Cubs: The minor-league baseball team is giving away a funeral in September. Is there any wonder that only 12 people showed up at the team's
last game?
2) Tastes like candy: Lollipops laced with PCP and/or THC (called dro pops) are becoming popular. I imagine that they would make for a different type of jolly rancher.
3) Online dating: Welcome to the world where someone can look like Seabiscuit and come across appearing like Tom Cruise— until you meet, of course.
4) A captive audience: Recently, a pageant was held in a Lithuanian prison. Instead of Miss Congeniality, they had Miss Concurrent Life Sentences.
5) An urban fairy tale: Did you know that, in the original Pinocchio, the puppet was a thug who murdered Jiminy Cricket? What's next—Snow White as a crack whore?
6) Money: Paul McCartney lost more than $80 million in a recent stock market downturn—or, in Chicago terms, three lakefront condos.
7) Jailbait: Women under 21 represent the fastest-growing prison population, prompting R. Kelly
to request a transfer to a women's prison if he's found guilty.
8) Wonder Woman: After 60 years, comic-book artists have given her short, spiky hair and a camouflage
bustier. Now she's a Home Depot away from marching in the Gay Pride Parade.
9) Bass ackwards: Recently, New York City held a five-mile race in which participants ran backwards.
Luckily, Jennifer Lopez won by an ass.
10) Doggin‚ her out: A Norwegian woman breast-fed a litter of puppies after the dogs‚ mother died giving birth to them. I've heard of giving 'til it hurts, but that's ridiculous.
11) Overindulgence: A Russian man died after consuming
half a gallon of vodka in 30 minutes. The good news is that he's now in the Diana Ross Hall of Fame.
12) King and King: In this children's story, a prince's true love turns out to be another prince. I hope he didn't have to blow a lot of frogs before finding Mr. Right.
13) Maurice Greene: The sprinter recently ran 100 meters in 9.78 seconds. How anyone can move that fast outside of a sale just amazes me.
14) Hey, good looking: A reader protested Clay Aiken not being included in People magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People issue. I doubt that he would've made it if there were only 49 people left on Earth.
15) McPhee.com: Among other things, this site sells novelties like bacon-scented air freshener. It's for the Atkins dieter in your life.
16) Cold chillin': Freaky Ice pops come in flavors of tequila, vodka, and cocktail blend. Once again, the
40-ounce demographic is ignored.
17) Michael Jackson: His song "Beat It" was number one 21 years ago. If only he'd taken his own advice.
18) Brad Miller: The basketball player said that life isn't always peaches and gravy. Remind me not to go to his place for dinner.
19) For June: Gay pride ROCKS— and I approve this message.
I'm at westelm406@yahoo.com .
