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  WINDY CITY TIMES

Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2022-07-11

This article shared 1001 times since Mon Jul 11, 2022
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"Wait a minute. Okay. Hold on a second here. You complain about me. I'm too weird. I'm too dark, and then you put nipples on the costume? Go fuck yourself!"—Tim Burton explains how he dealt with the Batman franchise. Oh, like there's something wrong with nipples on a latex body suit! If you're into that, you could buy the infamous costume when it goes on the auction block at Heritage Auction—with an opening bid of $40K. Holy nipples, Batman!

I survived July 4th in Provincetown. But a handful of people I know went home with a little someone we call the coronavirus. I have always been lucky when it comes to picking things up, but somehow I avoided that little critter. I managed to see a number of shows. The incomparable Judy Gold is at the Ptown Art House and in rare form. Randy Roberts knocks 'em dead at the Post Office Cafe. Ryan Landry's "Showgirls" is outrageous fun at the Crown and Anchor. Varla Jean Merman defies gravity and at least three laws of physics in "Ready To Blow," also at the Crown. And, at the same venue, Thirsty Burlington turns back time and is Cher perfection (circa 1975).

Perhaps you are more of a Fire Island boy. While Joel Kim Booster (star of Hulu's Fire Island) is currently coupled, he has some advice for those of you who might be a bit more gregarious: "It was a lot more fun being the guest star in a threesome than it was logistically planning it as a couple. It's a logistical nightmare. Before it was just sort of, you come in and you get the spotlight and then you leave." Let me add my two cents—keep an eye on your socks. I can't tell you how many parties I've come home from sockless.

Hours before this column was filed, I attended the opening night of A Beautiful Noise—a Broadway-bound musical about Neil Diamond that features his music. It stars the fantastic Will Swenson as Neil, which makes as much sense as Hugh Jackman playing Peter Allen. But in this case, it works—largely due to Swenson's eerie approximation of Diamond's somewhat whining vocal quality. It's short on exposition and jumps right into the singer's story—which gives the audience hope that there's an eventful life ahead. Alas, the show (and perhaps Neil's life) has no second act. The musical cannily approximates a Vegas-style concert to kick off the second half. Had that continued, it might have appealed to diehard fans. Instead, it meanders down a road that goes nowhere (the scene contrived to set up "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" is perhaps one of the most painful things I've ever seen). Aside from the sensational Swenson, the cast is commendable—except for one person who must be recast immediately. Let me single out the dynamic Tatiana Lofton, who steals virtually every scene she appears in (she stood next to Swenson for the curtain call), and Makai Hernandez, whose ass should get special billing in those tight checked pants! It is at the Emerson Colonial Theatre in Boston until Aug. 7. As of now, the show begins previews on Broadway on Nov. 2. You can get more details at ABeautifulNoiseTheMusical.com .

While I was in the theater, another Broadway show made a shocking announcement. Beanie Feldstein, who has helmed the Funny Girl revival and was scheduled to leave in September, has announced that her last show will be July 31. She gives a curious reason for her premature evacuation: "Once the production decided to take the show in a different direction, I made the extremely difficult decision to step away sooner than anticipated." She does not say what this "different direction" is—except perhaps the desire to make audiences happy. Stay tuned.

Since I'm on the East Coast, I will miss Jenifer Lewis getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Naturally, the ceremony takes place on July 15—which all devotees know is Jackie Washington Day (from her classic flick, Jackie's Back!). One thing about Miss Lewis—she always uses her platform to speak out. She wants to galvanize everyone to protest the overturning of Roe v. Wade. Her plan is for women around the country to lie down on freeways! "I don't care if it's 500 or 1000 women, where we lay down on every freeway and block them all in every major city at rush hour," she stated. If you're driving along and see something in the road, for the love of God, STOP!

Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Jasper in Las Vegas: "I heard that The Boys had a gay orgy scene. True? Who participated?"

Well, one man's orgy is another man's … well, we're getting ahead of ourselves—which you never wanna do at an orgy. While The Boys has more than its share of hot men, tales (or tails) of a gay orgy have been grossly exaggerated. When Jensen Ackles filmed his first scene, he had to walk out of a cryogenic capsule completely naked (you can see all on BillyMasters.com ). "What better way to bring a new guy onto the set than make him take all his clothes off?" asked Jensen. "So, yeah, it was a nice intro for me into a completely foreign space with nothing on but a sock."

When anyone is wearing a sock to a gay orgy, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Obviously, it wasn't moi! To paraphrase someone famous—I've known orgies, and that's no orgy. But you can find more than your fill at www.BillyMasters.com - the site that's like a virtual orgy—but you won't lose your socks! If you have a gap that only I can fill, send specifics (and photos) to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before someone invites Jared Padalecki to an orgy! Until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 1001 times since Mon Jul 11, 2022
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