"I wouldn't be in it now if they gave me a million dollars. I'm never going to change my mind. They can just go you-know-what themselves." —Cher tells Kelly Clarkson her thoughts on being snubbed by the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame—especially in light of having #1 hits in seven decades. She pointed out that only The Rolling Stones can also boast that achievement. "It took four of them to be one of me!"
There's nothing like being in New York City for the holidays. Everyone's filled with good cheer...unless they're in Brooklyn to see Madonna. Then they had to be filled with a whole lotta patience. The sold-out show was scheduled to start at 8 p.m.
Since it's Madonna, you know you're gonna wait. Maybe till 9 p.m., or even 9:30 p.m. By 10:30 p.m., there was still no sign of Madonna—and no announcement of alleged technical difficulties. So large segments of the audience began leaving and booing. Here's my question—why didn't everyone just band together and demand a refund? This show needed someone like Sally Field holding up a sign! For Christ's sake, it was a weeknight. People have to work in the morning to pay for the thousand-dollar tickets. And Madge wants to play games? It's just so disrespectful.
By the way, this is not an attack solely on Madonna. This is an attack on rudeness and bad behavior. A few months ago, Lauryn Hill got bad press with her perpetually late appearances. Her response? "Yo, y'all lucky I make it on this blood rase stage every night." No, Lauryn, YOU'RE lucky people are paying to see your tardy ass!
I was in NYC to see Charles Busch and his troupe perform their annual show Times Square Angel. And, like all good theatre, it only started 6 minutes late. For the past 24 years, this semi-staged epic has brought out faithful fans of Busch and his motley crew. The play is kinda like a cross between It's a Wonderful Life and I Want To Live and is based on an idea by Busch and Andy Halliday. That the talented Halliday flew in from his new home in Palm Springs shows the devotion of the cast and the audience—many of whom come back year after year. This one-night-only event sells out in a matter of minutes, and I made it my mission to finally attend. I'm so glad I did.
While I was in the Big Apple, I checked out the Broadway musical Harmony. The story of six talented men singing their way through Weimar Germany is ripe for theatricality. It's also a story that has universality.
The Comedian Harmonists were basically a boy band. The sextet was put together by someone who took out an ad in the paper looking for hot young men who could sing—and you thought Lou Pearlman came up with that on his own (that Backstreet Boys's first hit in Germany is no coincidence). Kudos to the outstanding cast...to single out any of them would be ungallant.
Alas, the culprit of the night was not the Nazis; it was Bruce Sussman, who wrote the book. This story is clumsily told through a hodgepodge of badly conceived scenes that only hint at what is probably a fascinating story. Musically, it's impossible to judge Barry Manilow's score, which is presented in truly awful orchestrations. I know it takes place in Germany, but less timpani and tuba, please.
Amidst the cacophony, there are striking harmonies and some lovely moments. Young Rabbi has a song that would make a terrific 11 o'clock number. Alas, it happens 20 minutes in. Instead, the show culminates with poor Chip Zien's overwrought mad scene, which drew more titters than tears. However, I was intrigued enough to look up the group's history, so there's a silver lining. And, as I always say, it's hard to dislike any show where someone is wearing a monocle!
Manilow gets a second mention in this column due to a revelation he made to Kelly Clarkson. Back in his early days, Playboy played a pivotal part in his career.
"I was a desperate young guy. I didn't know what to do with my musical life. So I saw this thing in 'Playboy' magazine. My stepfather used to buy it, I think. So I wrote to them saying, 'I have an offer to go on the road with a girl singer. In order to do that, I needed to leave my job at CBS as the mailboy. Which one should I do?' And they wrote back and they printed it. They said take the job outside and follow your musical notes. And I did it. I left CBS."
It was just announced that Barbra Streisand will be given the SAG Life Achievement Award at the 2024 Screen Actors Guild Awards. And certainly she deserves it. But, you know, it's not exactly the same as winning an award in competition. This is something being "bestowed" onto her. To the best of my knowledge, Streisand has never actually won a SAG Award, and this honorary stuff doesn't really fly with me. Like that Tony Award for "Star of the Millennium" or whatever they called it. It's not a real Tony. It's a "Let's give Streisand a reason to show up on our telecast" award. You know what an EGOT is without a Tony? It's just EGO.
I must be in a crabby mood, because I'm gonna complain about another beautiful moment.
Kylie Minogue recently did a television special in London called An Audience with Kylie. Many performers do these shows—the star comes out, sings some songs, answers some audience questions, and shares some fun stories.
During the telecast, a guy got up to ask Kylie a question. Except he wasn't alone. Standing next to him were two young children and another guy. So we all know it's a gay family. Fine. After all, it is a Kylie Minogue show. "This question isn't for you. It's to your superfan, Martin." The guy turned to his partner and said, "Martin, will you marry me?"
Martin asks Kylie what she would say—'cause that's obviously what really matters. Kylie approves, and Martin says yes. Minogue puts on her most "What a shocker" face and squeals, "Has that just actually happened?" She asks the couple where they met, and they say, "At your concert." Of course they did.
Time for another of "Billy's Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions". This week, we focus on the gift that will give you pleasure all year long. Yes, we're talking about a calendar of hot men. Every year we wait for the calendar from the Warwick Rowers. Since 2009, this group of athletes has been raising funds to fight homophobia in sports. A few years back, they rebranded as Worldwide Roar to reflect their global expansion. This year, they've rebranded once again, becoming Barefoot Man, in order to empower men of all sexualities and backgrounds. Happily, they're still showing more than just their feet! If you need to buy a gift for someone who is an athletic supporter, go to WorldwideRoar.org .
Our "Ask Billy" question came in just under the wire. Aaron in Texas writes, "Did you hear about that twink who filmed himself getting fucked in the Senate Chamber? What's the story with that?"
This story is ripped from the headlines, and I hope I can squeeze it in (that's what he said). The incident took place in Hart Senate Office Building Room 216, also known as the Senate Judiciary Hearing Room. It shows a lad wearing only a black jockstrap bent over a desk and being penetrated from behind. It was clearly shot by the top. While the public video has been edited to protect the participants' identities, we've been sent the unedited version.
The twink in question is allegedly Aidan Maese-Czeropski, a legislative aide to Maryland Senator Ben Cardin. It's said that he posted a private Instagram story, saying he got some "thick German sausage" in the same room where "Sonia Sotomayor had her confirmation hearing." And they say kids don't care about history!
While Aidan hasn't confirmed this publicly, Senator Cardin's office released a brief statement: "Aidan Maese-Czeropski is no longer employed by the U.S. Senate." Capitol Police are "aware and looking into this." If you're interested in checking out the video, as well as some of Aidan's other adult material, go to BillyMasters.com .
When we're slipping you the ol' bratwurst, we've definitely come to the end of yet another column. I smell an OnlyFans page in the making! As if it weren't bad enough that Aidan worked for a Democratic senator, he also appeared in a TV ad for Joe Biden. Well, anything to tie up the youth vote—and I suspect Aidan wouldn't be opposed to that! For more scintillating political coverage, check out www.BillyMasters.com—the site that never holds back. If you have a question, write to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Barry Manilow looks at another Playboy. Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
