"Mike, you's in danger, man."—Whoopi Goldberg paraphrases her line from Ghost (or, as Barbara Walters always called it, The Ghost) in response to Pence's former aide Marc Short revealing what almost happened to the VP on Jan. 6.
One of my worst habits is telling people too many details about my colorful life. I'm not talking about you; I tell you, my loyal readers, everything. I've been working on a project with some strangers. (They don't get any stranger.) Rather than being Sphinx-like, I've been the embodiment of transparency—which seems like a contradiction, but that's me. For instance, I just read that the WHO—not the band, but the World Health Organization—has advised gay men to limit their sexual partners. As if! How could I disappoint so many people? The morale of the flight industry worldwide could plummet with that one decision. This recommendation is due to the increasing threat of monkeypox. I don't want to tell you what to do. But, for the love of God, if you sleep with a monkey, play safe.
Love is in the air, if not in public. Sexy ABC reporter James Longman married Alex Brannan at a registry office in London—which is kinda like people in the United States going to the courthouse. Brannan captioned the photo by saying, "Don't worry, guys. I made him sign a prenup." Longman took to social media to explain the lack of pomp. "Small disclaimer: this was just the legal bit. Just thought it would be romantic to come back from Ukraine and make it official. Big fun wedding next year for all our family and friends." I eagerly await my invitation.
It's no secret that I find JoJo Siwa incredibly annoying. But when she makes news, I must report. In the midst of a recent TikTok game, JoJo put up images to answer statements. In response to "Rudest celebrity I've ever met," she put up a photo of Candace Cameron Bure. Well, color me shocked—I can't believe anyone referred to Candace Cameron Bure as a "celebrity!" Bure responded with this quote: "Trust the Lord always." Well, isn't that special?
Siwa also revealed that she doesn't like the term "lesbian." "At the end of the day, that's what I am. It's like the word 'moist.' It's like … ugh." And I promise to never again utter the word "lesbian" alongside the word "moist."
Tony Dow recently made a bit of history—he managed to die TWICE! I don't believe that's been done since Lazarus, which puts him in mighty lofty company. It all started when the Leave It to Beaver star's wife, clearly hysterical with grief, took to social media to announce his death—only to be corrected by his doctors. She ended up being right the next day, but wisely left the announcing to others. I was a regular watcher as a child but, somehow, I never noticed how hot Dow was. Since his passing, people have been posting a plethora of pretty pics which show some sexy skin that, frankly, didn't trigger my tendencies as a tyke. I can think of no better tribute than to share some of these snaps with you on BillyMasters.com .
Last week, the entire first season of Uncoupled dropped on Netflix. This is Neil Patrick Harris and Darren Star's attempt at a gay Sex and the City—for those of you who thought "SATC" was straight! Neil is dumped by Tuc Watkins on his 50th birthday—which is a great trick for a 55-year-old. (It's called acting, dah-ling.) Tisha Campbell steals every scene she's in. Marcia Gay Harden wins points by simply walking with panache. Brooks Ashmanskas has the best lines: "I'm not on Grindr. It's nothing but bottoms. And tops … who are also bottoms." It's a funny line, except two episodes later, he shows Neil his Grindr profile. Continuity, kids! It was great seeing my pal Gilles Marini pop Neil's newly-single cherry, and one must applaud any show that features Watkins shirtless in the first 15 minutes. But for the record, no upwardly mobile gay would have such a janky plastic toothbrush! The show rests on NPH's shoulders (and, for the record, his body looks amazing). He spends most of the time appearing old, dour and bitter—which is what happens when you're dumped with no notice after 17 years (and I say from experience). I wasn't grabbed or engaged or entertained. But I did watch all eight episodes—just for you, my little petals! Will it return? Should it? And what will happen? Stay tuned.
Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Harry in Detroit: "I keep seeing ads for Vacay Swimwear with an absolutely gorgeous blond boy. Who is he?"
That would be the luscious Max Wyatt—a fitness model and frequent presence on social media. He's British, but currently lives in Dubai. He is allegedly 24—and I say "allegedly" because he's been on YouTube since 2012! He's also ostensibly straight, but has had an occasional presence on OnlyFans, where he's treated his gay fans to some racier content. Needless to say, some of that content will pop up on BillyMasters.com .
When I'm down for some drilling in Dubai, it's definitely time to end yet another column. We ran so long, I barely have time to remind you to check out www.BillyMasters.com—the site where things pop up at an alarming rate. For your pressing needs, drop a note at Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before I tell WHO the what, where, when, why and how of my summer plans. So, until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.
