you got peanut butter ( scent ) in my chocolate
www.pixiescandles.com
Ever wonder where you could get a realistic burrito candle? No? You haven't wandered around Waxman wondering where in the hell the 2-piece fried chicken dinner candles were. Really? Guess it's just us who are obsessed with food-shaped luminary wax. Consequently, we think this site is the bee's knees—not that we ever understood WTF that was supposed to mean. If you want your food candles with just a touch of surreality, we suggest ordering them with an inappropriate scent. We've got a case of the previously mentioned chicken dinner candles ordered in eau du Vick's VapoRub.
we fear for the future of man
www.homemade-sex-toys.com
We suspect that the reason the 'toys' on this site are so lame is to get you to fork over the cash for the real ones that are heavily advertised on the very same pages. If any of you actually make any of the things on this web site, your are forever banned from reading this column. Well, unless you make one of the pumpkin ones and use it as your jack-o-lantern next year. That we would not only forgive, but would heartily encourage you to do.
baby backlash
www.babyreview.com
Between lesbians with turkey basters, gay men running off to China, and the few straight women we know dropping them the old fashioned way, it seems like we here at the WWWeird Compound have been besieged with babies. And though all of the little spitbuckets are just as cute as little spitbuckets can be, we have to admit that we grow a little weary of poop stories and having the latest naked photos of li'l Quasimodo shoved in our faces every time we make the mistake of holding still for 2 seconds. BabyReview.com offers a bit of snarky relief. If you suffer from baby fatigue, head on over. You'll thank us. Of course now our spawning friends are no longer speaking to us... .
get the respect you deserve
www.by-accident.com
This is one of those things that we just want to believe is real though we know it's a joke. By-accident.com claims it will arrange for you to have an 'accident' that will cause others to treat you with respect and dignity. Counselors will teach how to act like a genuine victim and plastic surgeons will equip you with realistic scars. No one will doubt your story and they will all be sorry for how they've treated you in the past. Be sure to check out the 'Christmas Mugging Special.'
