Pull My finger
We here at WWWeird like to think we're reasonable worldly. We've attended our fair share of IMLs and, other than one rather embarrassing incident involving sounds ( 'You put them where?!?!' ) , we've managed to not break the two cardinal rules of LeatherMart: 1. Don't gasp, 2. Don't giggle. Fortunately we were never subjected to the lesbian farting fantasies of FartBrazil.com . We laughed so hard we almost peed ourselves, but then that's another fetish. Anybody know the hanky code for flatulence?
Remember baCK when spam was just canned meat?
Anybody who reads this column semi-regularly is aware of our fondness for Survivor-type cuisine. Kookychow.com is dedicated to oddball manufactured food. While it's really difficult to imagine that someone would want to eat tuna jerky ( 'For dogs, cats, and you.' ) or cuttlefish flavored crispy green peas, we were shocked at the number of things on the site that had actually passed our lips. Fortunately, we've never had the 'Prairie Belt Sausage.' It's ingredients include pork stomachs, pork skins, pork spleens, pork tongue trimmings, and ( for variety ) beef tripe. We'd like ours boiled please. Yum!
'Janet wrote bad poetry with a crazy kind of urgency'
We don't know why Alexander the Poet made us think of that line from the Nails song '88 Lines About 44 Women.' He does readings of his 'romantic poetry'—poems with titles like 'Tits Are My Weakness', 'Anal Warts', and 'If I Fuck You in the Ass, You Will Not Feel a Thing' set to the music of whales humping. Did we mention he also has poems about Weird Al Yankovic and Kendra Jade? Or that he's shaved his chest hair into the shape of a heart? Or that he wears really tight leather pants? If that ain't art, we don't know what is.
The Juiceman cometh
You've got to love art colleges. They give their students an assingment like 'redesign a food processor' and the student turns something like the lapjuicer loose on the world. Just what is a lapjuicer? Well, it's sort of a high chair with one of those ribbed juicer-thingies in the middle. You put your half orange or lemon on it and... well... sit and spin. The juice is collected in a glass below. The name comes from combining the words 'lapdancer' and 'juicer'. Needless to say, this is not a device you would want your high school cafeteria lady to use.