Our Bistro Bag seemed like such a good idea three hours ago. That's when we boarded our American Airlines flight for sunny California. Right on time. And, with the two-hour time change, we'd be arriving in California early in the afternoon, with enough time to check into the hotel, and have a late lunch. Why, we won't even need this Bistro Bag, but why not take them anyway, so we could have snacks if we get hungry?
If you don't know what a Bistro Bag is, then you haven't flown anywhere lately. I mean, when was the last time you were actually served a meal on a flight? Getting anything more than a Coke is a bonus, so Bistro Bags, a prepared sack lunch that you grab from a cart after checking in is considered a winning prize.
So, as we settled into our seats, we put the bags absentmindedly off to the side, because, really, we wouldn't be needing them. Remember, the late lunch in sunny California?
Anyway, a few minutes later, a flight attendant comes over to us with two more bags. Long ago, when we made our reservations, we had made a request for low-fat meals, and here they were. So, now the two of us had four bags that we really had no use for. Nevertheless, we peeked inside.
The regular bags held a small sandwich. The tissue paper surrounding it said Purdue Turkey, but opening up the paper and then the bread revealed a rather red, almost bologna-like meat. A slice of cheese was added like an afterthought. A bag of chips, a small brownie in cellophane, and—oh, wait, that's it.
Our low-fat bag was more promising. A whole-wheat pita half with grilled chicken breast and a very welcome lettuce leaf and slice of tomato. Snackwell cookies and a bag of carrots finished it off.
Lovely. Snacks if we got hungry. About 15 minutes after we were supposed to take off, there was the announcement that everyone dreads.
'It seems,' said the captain with an apologetic tone, 'that the cart that brings luggage over, caught on the belly of the plane, and it looks like we won't be able to use this aircraft.'
You must know the sound of the collective sighing and grunting that followed. Soon, we were disembarking, awaiting the announcement of what gate we would be walking to for our next airplane.
So, we carried our bags and our Bistro Bags off the plane, looking greedy with two apiece, and marched over to the other side of the airport, along with about 100 other travelers, all on cell phones.
'We're still at the airport.'
'The belly of the plane.'
'Can you believe it?'
Apparently, these folks don't get much drama in their lives.
In surprising time, we were herded aboard a new airplane, and began to back away from the terminal.
Several hungry folks opened their Bistro Bags, and the few that had eaten theirs 90 minutes earlier looked on longingly.
Not us. We hunkered down with our books and our Ipods, and didn't notice for at least 20 minutes that we were still taxiing. Looking out the window, it became apparent that we had made a full circle around the airport, and were pulling back into the gate.
'Does someone on board have an animal checked on this flight?' asked the voice of an exasperated flight attendant.
The dog had to be taken off, because this aircraft had no ventilation in the luggage hold. Then, we had to refuel. Water was passed out, angry comments were made, Wall Street Journal pages were snapped. We took off three hours late, and already felt like we should be there.
We were also starving. Knowing we'd be too late for our late lunch, and, really, at this point, in mid-air, not even sure we'll be able to meet everyone for dinner, we dove into our bags.
The healthy went first, but that was hours ago. We've worked our way through everything except the sandwiches, and, though my stomach is rumbling, the sight of the recently re-unwrapped red turkey sandwich is disconcerting. Will my eventual gargantuan hunger outweigh my aversion to sweaty meat and cheese on white bread?
In the meantime, it appears several people are eyeing our bags with murder in their eyes. The beverage cart has come three times, but pretzels, like luggage compartment ventilation, aren't on this aircraft. Neither is cabin ventilation. Or, the one thing that could take everyone's minds off the proceedings, a movie. Where is Kate Hudson in the nasty sentimentality of Raising Helen when you need her?
