Windy City Media Group Frontpage News

THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2021-12-08
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
Donate

Sponsor


  WINDY CITY TIMES

Billy Masters
by Billy Masters
2021-07-26

This article shared 735 times since Mon Jul 26, 2021
facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email


"I'd still be full of jokes and fun, but no more naked pranks. I can see now my actions were pretty juvenile but this was a different time and it's something I would not do today."—John Barrowman told The Daily Mail about claims of his inappropriate behavior on the set. He said he stopped when Executive Producer Julie Gardner told him, "Grow up!" He adds, "This is the first time—and the last—I will address this subject. And then I plan to draw a thick black line under it."

Your beloved Billy was almost a goner. For a split second, I was certain that I had the big C. No, not cancer—the coronavirus. Yes, I've been vaccinated and, yes, I asked everyone I've slept with for proof of vaccination. But, people lie. After the cluster of Delta variant cases from Fourth of July festivities in Provincetown, concern was in the air. When I came down with cold symptoms 10 days later, even my usual laissez-faire attitude was challenged. So I made haste to get tested—better safe than sorry, as the saying goes. I am happy to report I have nothing more contagious than a nasty New England summer cold.

While life goes on in Ptown, people are on tenterhooks … whatever those are. An indoor mask mandate has just been announced. How this will affect things remains to be seen. In terms of shows, I know that Billy Francesca cut his run short due to corona concern. Steve Grand was in town for two weeks, and posted the following: "I tested positive for COVID-19 today. I'm fully vaccinated. I started experiencing symptoms last Friday, a day after I flew back from Ptown. I say this not to alarm, but to notify anyone who had contact with me while I was there." If you had "contact" with Steve, consider yourself notified—and feel free to send us details (and videos).

Before the Tokyo Olympics even began, there was already controversy … and a new star. The controversy came from reports that the beds in the Olympic Village were made of recycled materials and were "anti-sex." The star came in the form of Irish gymnast Rhys McClenaghan, who decided to test the beds by jumping up and down on one. He proved that they are mighty sturdy, and made me wanna risk being thrown out of the Olympic Village … again. I mean, that ban must have been lifted by now. It's been a long time since Lillehammer.

The Opening Ceremonies in an empty stadium reminded me of the sound of one hand clapping. If a Tongan flag bearer is shirtless and oiled up and nobody is there to ogle him, does it even matter? It probably mattered to Mike Pence, who I'm sure was watching and enjoyed seeing the slightly expanded Pita Taufatofua once again. Hopefully, Mother was around to reap the benefits.

Liza Minnelli is back in the news. Last week, she turned up for Michael Feinstein's gig at Vitello's Restaurant in Studio City—one of the few eateries with a body count! With the assistance of two people, Liza gingerly made her way into a chair. Simply sitting seemed a strain. Her scattered storytelling was endearing, but her singing was—well, Liza-esque. Somewhere, somehow, someone must be able to find a song that doesn't depend on the letter "S" so much—"My Sweet Embraceable You" sounded like an ad for Polygrip! One friend called it elder abuse. You can decide for yourself when you watch the video on BillyMasters.com .

By the by, Liza was once again passed over for the Kennedy Center Honors. The 2021 honorees were announced last week, and it's a starry list, indeed. Bette Midler, Joni Mitchell, Berry Gordy, Lorne Michaels and opera singer Justino Diaz have made the cut. Well, there's always next year, Liza.

Our "Ask Billy" question made me sit up and take notice. Reggie in Tulsa writes, "I don't know if you watch John Oliver, but he showed clips of a foreign kiddie show about a man with a giant penis. What???"

I don't watch John Oliver with any regularity, so I missed this segment. However, my crack research team (some of whom are actually on crack) found the show. "John Dillermand" is, indeed, a Danish children's show. Or a mini-show. The first season consisted of 13 five-minute episodes. Apparently "diller" is what the Danes call a penis. So the show is actually called "John Penisman." John is a middle-aged man who is always in a red-and-white full-length bathing costume—like they wore in the 20s. He has a penis that can extend long enough to tame a lion, or act as a helicopter propeller, or use as a pogo stick. But sometimes the penis gets itself in trouble—I suppose that's where the song "My Penis Has a Mind of Its Own" comes from. The show debuted earlier this year and is geared toward 4-to-8-year-old children! Not only has there not been a single complaint—it's gone viral. It has been praised because it shows a penis in a positive light—and when was the last time something like that happened? I'll post clips of the unclipped penis on BillyMasters.com .

When a penis can be used for good, it's definitely time to end yet another column. This got me thinking—it's high time the Olympics considered adding some sort of penis-centric activity to the Games. I mean, if you can roll a hula hoop and wave a stick with a string on the end and call that an event, anything is possible. While I figure out who to call about this, you can take a gander at a plethora of penii at BillyMasters.com—the site that is always thinking outside the box. If you have a question, dash it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before John Dillermand competes in the Olympics as a pole vaulter—with his own pole! So, until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 735 times since Mon Jul 26, 2021
facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email

  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

Billy Masters: Colton Underwood, Golden Globes and more
2022-01-17
"I was not prepared to receive death threats over a fictional character's fictional relationship choices that are fictional which means not real."—A writer on the Sex and the City sequel And Just Like That describes feedback ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Andy Cohen, SJP and more
2022-01-10
The virus hit us both like a freight train. Thankfully, we were both triple vaccinated and the vaccinations did their job, which kept us out of real danger and out of the hospital… [We're] still isolating and waiting to see until we test ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Lindsay Wagner, Andy Cohen and more
2022-01-03
"You spread misinformation about the safety of vaccines. You're a danger to public health. Get fucked."—Meghan McCain's tweet to commentator Candace Owens, after Owens did what Meg calls a "post-[Trump] ...


Gay News

Billy Masters
2021-12-27
"A little prick is better than no prick at all."—Billy Masters. That was my motto when it came to getting the vaccine against the coronavirus. Ironically, the more people got little pricks, the more we all ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Rex Smith, 'West Side Story' and more
2021-12-20
"It was pretty damn good!"—Rex Smith's response when Billy showed a risqué photo of Rex at his most beautiful and asked, "What was it like walking around looking like that?" I love when someone that gorgeous ...


Gay News

Billy Masters: Jussie Smollett, Bob Mackie, Luke Evans and more
2021-12-13
Billy Masters: Jussie Smollett, Bob Mackie, Luke Evans and more "It's the Mariah Menu. It's not just the Mariah Meal. It's a whole menu."—Mariah Carey explains her deal with McDonald's. Sure, you could say, "I'll have ...


Gay News

Billy Masters
2021-12-06
"I would literally walk around naked in public all the time, at least for that day. …. I just wouldn't wear clothes. I wouldn't care how cold it would be."—Dustin Lance Black reveals what he would ...


Gay News

Billy Masters
2021-11-29
"The obvious one would be A Little Night Music. I know I could do that role very well now that I've gotten to this stage in my life, and you know it's a beautiful song in there. It's perfection."—Sarah Brightman reveals ...


Gay News

Billy Masters
2021-11-22
"Back in the '80s, I did blow at that Chevron and dropped acid at that 7-Eleven."—Belinda Carlisle gives her son, James Duke Mason, a walking tour of West Hollywood. Watch The Go-Go's get inducted into the ...


Gay News

Billy Masters
2021-11-15
"I was like, 'I hope this doesn't make anyone uncomfortable, but this is how I feel.' I love this person, and I want to be open in every way … and hopefully show people that they also don't need to hide ...


Gay News

Billy Masters
2021-11-08
"Of course I have. I'm an actor, for f**k's sake!"—Tom Hardy, when asked if he's had sex with men. Good to know. Sherri Shepherd is having a busy fall. She kicked off October by returning to ...


Gay News

Billy Masters
2021-11-01
"Happy Birthday to @jessetyler the object of my desire. This love affair has gone on for what seems like an eternity...I love this man more than pussy."—Lea DeLaria posts a very disturbing Instagram birthday greeting to ...


Gay News

Billy Masters
2021-10-25
"There was talk of Harry Styles, but I think he ran. He was too scared."—Boy George discusses who will play him in a biopic—or, rather, who won't. The frontrunner currently is Yungblud—a young British singer. If ...


Gay News

SHOWBIZ JoJo Siwa, Haring/Ortiz mural, Jamie Lee Curtis, Billy Porter
2021-10-24
Dancing the foxtrot alongside partner Jenna Johnson to Olivia Newton John's "Look At Me, I'm Sandra Dee (Reprise)" for Dancing with the Stars' Grease night, 18-year-old social-media star JoJo Siwa received the season's first perfec ...


Gay News

Stage Left Theatre names new artistic director
2021-10-21
Stage Left Theatre announced Bobbi Masters as its new artistic director. Masters has directed plays at theaters around the nation such as No Strings Theatre Company in Las Cruces, New Mexico (The Bald Soprano); and Kitchen ...


 



Copyright © 2022 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 
 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS







Sponsor
Sponsor


 



Donate


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.