Whoever intended to dumb down the citizens of America have done a FANTASTIC job. We are dumb as shit!"—Patti LuPone in an interview with broadcaster Tom Power prior to her touring show Don't Monkey with Broadway hitting Toronto.
This year, the 96th Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade telecast delivered the largest ratings EVER—and that's also counting when people had only two channels to choose from!
Believe it or not, 28.5 million people tuned into NBC, Peacock and a few other platforms. But why? To see Bell Biv DeVoe? Brandy? Miss America? My pal Sheryl Lee Ralph? Or Cher?
My money's on Cher. She "performed" her latest single, "DJ Play a Christmas Song," and she almost knew enough lyrics to make the lip-synching look authentic. But I don't say that disparagingly. To the best of my knowledge, nobody has ever performed live at the parade throughout these 96 years...and Cher should know!
More fascinating to me was watching Dolly Parton at the Cowboys-Commanders halftime show dressed as a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader. While her entire body was encased in a flesh-colored sequin compression garment, she still looked pretty good. Of course, she too was lip-synching, which amusingly included her patter between songs. What really concerned me was that she was holding onto the set for dear life whenever she took a step. Then again, she is 77—the same age as Cher. The last thing we need on Thanksgiving is for one of our divas to break a hip!
Have you heard about the drama between Daryl Hall and John Oates? Hall has apparently gotten a temporary restraining order against Oates, and filed a sealed complaint trying to prevent him from performing their songs on his own. To the best of my knowledge, anyone can sing any song anytime they want—provided it is not being broadcast or recorded for distribution or sale. However, billing and advertisement are a different matter. For instance, after the Supremes disbanded, Florence, Mary, or any of the other girls (including Diane) could not bill themselves as Supremes. Mary could be billed as "The Supreme Mary Wilson," but not "Mary Wilson of The Supremes." So perhaps John Oates is being restricted from using the term Hall & Oates. Let's throw in this wrinkle—despite many songs credited to Hall & Oates, Daryl claims that most of them were written and performed solely by him and that John did not participate in the recordings. If so, why did he give up credit and money?
As we went to press, we learned from someone who has seen the sealed complaint that Daryl is attempting to stop John from selling his share of their joint publishing, Whole Oats Enterprises. Why? Primary Wave Music bought a large percentage about 16 years ago, so if they got ahold of Oates' shares, Daryl would have someone to answer to. Stay tuned. Fun fact—Daryl Hall is also 77 years old!
Two other guys who are no longer together are Antoni Porowski from Queer Eye and his now-former fiancé Kevin Harrington. The twosome announced that they've split. "After many conversations and reflections during the wedding planning process, Antoni and Kevin have amicably decided to part ways." I don't want to call anyone a big fat liar, but I don't know people who have broken up during wedding planning "amicably." Remember when some of his fellow "Queer Eye" guys weren't invited to the bachelor party? A few less gifts to be returned.
On the other end of the spectrum, some of the Suits stars are planning a reunion...kinda. Recently, the basic cable show—which went off the air in 2019—experienced an enormous resurgence due to Netflix. This past August, it became the "most-watched acquired series in a single week" for the streamer. It continued to top the charts for a record 12 weeks.
Due to this sudden popularity, a mini Suits reunion will take place at the 2024 ATX TV Fest in Austin, Texas. Participants include creator Aaron Korsh, Sarah Rafferty, Dulé Hill, and Patrick J. Adams (who you can see naked from his time in "Take Me Out" on BillyMasters.com ). I know what you're thinking. And the answer is, who knows? If they pony up enough money for security, possibly. Some people really need attention.
It's that time of year when holiday fare hits our airwaves (as opposed to Christmas in July, which I will never understand). This year, Luke Macfarlane proves his versatility by playing straight in Catch Me if you Claus—oh, those clever scamps at Hallmark. This flick aired on Thanksgiving, but I'm sure will be repeated ad nauseum. The premise is that Luke may (or may not) be the actual son of Santa Claus—who may (or may not) exist. I wish I could offer more of an opinion, but I still haven't watched his fall effort, Notes of Autumn" It's still on my DVR.
One thing I won't miss is Ladies of the '80s: A Divas Christmas, which will star Linda Gray, Morgan Fairchild, Nicollette Sheridan, Loni Anderson, and Donna Mills. They'll be joined by Christopher Atkins, Scott Evans and Alec Mapa. And it was co-written by my pal Stan Zimmerman. Needless to say, I consider this Must-See TV when it debuts Dec. 2 on Lifetime...television for women (and gay men).
It's once again time for our annual feature—Billy's Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions. Tradition dictates that our first recommendation is the annual celebrity ornament from Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. This year, the honoree is Chita Rivera, festooned as Aurora from "Kiss of the Spider Woman."
Once again, I can read your mind. "Billy, didn't they already do a Chita ornament?" Of course they did. She was immortalized as Anita in "West Side Story" way back in 2009. But there's only so many iconic people from Broadway of Chita's caliber, so she's entitled to an encore. Alas, because of a production snafu, delivery of the ornament has been delayed. Even if you order it today, it won't arrive until the New Year. But maybe you can give it as an Epiphany gift. Or perhaps use it to celebrate Chita's 91st birthday on January 23rd. No matter, you should still order it at BroadwayCares.org .
Our "Ask Billy" question comes from James in Chicago: "I heard one of the contestants on 'Naked Attraction' got hard on the air. Which episode is that in?"
Damn that Sunny Hostin. You can't let menopausal women see naked men on TV—they simply can't handle it. Due to her numerous mentions of the series, everyone is now watching—which I suppose is a testament to the power of Sunny Hostin (or, rather, The View). The episode in question originally aired in the UK on November 1, 2018. For those of you wanting specifics, it was the second episode of season 4. Zoe chose Jason, who was rockin' a hot body, a cast on his leg, and had a "fucked-up haircut" (as Barbra would say). In their final moments, Jason started to get a bit "aroused" on camera—I love when that happens. I dunno if this episode can be seen anywhere else online other than on BillyMasters.com .
When we've got a grower and a shower, we've definitely come to the end of yet another column. Since we just celebrated Thanksgiving, I like to send out my thanks to YOU—the readers of this column. Thanks for tuning in for almost three decades.
In the spirit of giving, Billy Masters International will be celebrating Cyber Monday all week long. To take advantage of my largess, head on over to www.BillyMasters.com—the site that'll give you more than a semi! If you have a question, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
