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Windy City Times 2023-12-13
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Billy Masters: Was Kim Kardashian officiating your wedding worth it?
by Billy Masters
2023-11-20

This article shared 1985 times since Mon Nov 20, 2023
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I'd hoped to never again type the word "Jada" again. But this week, it's inevitable. It is being alleged that actor Duane Martin (don't feel bad—I had to look him up as well) slept with Will Smith.

But the story didn't originate with Duane. It came courtesy of Brother Bilal, who was at one time allegedly Will's assistant. The J-word addressed the rumor during an appearance on The Breakfast Club. "This is a person that tried a shakedown, a money shakedown that didn't work. We're gonna take legal action, because it's one thing to have your opinion about somebody versus just making up salacious, malicious stories. That's actionable, so we gonna roll with that."

I've often talked about ScottCakes, a Provincetown institution. The bakery is the brainchild of occasional actor Scott Cunningham who used to peddle his wares out of a red wagon after all the Ptown clubs closed. Did I mention he'd wear a white terry robe? And usually not much else! Not surprisingly, the cupcakes took off...to say nothing of the robe! Within a couple of years, Scott had a storefront for his delectable pink cupcakes, and he's been a success ever since...until his landlord died. Real estate is at a premium in Provincetown, and the landlord's heirs want to sell the property. But they've given Scott first refusal if he can match the offer. Will he be able to pay in time? Can he save his 15-year-old business? And what happened to that robe? To find out the answers to those questions and much more, check out his GoFundMe page. I already did my part. Then again, I've tasted his cream!

Am I the only one who didn't know Jason Mraz was bisexual? I ask this sheepishly, because I'm sure someone will look up an old column of mine only to find I wrote about it. In my defense, I really never knew who he was until Dancing with the Stars. But isn't he doing well? And he's cute as a button...if you're into buttons. Apparently he was married to a woman (correction, two women!) before coming out as bi, which I always feel is just a hop, skip and a jump away from Will Smith (just an opinion, Jada). He now feels an obligation to represent the "B" in the LGBT community, and says it was his ex-wife who helped him accept his true sexuality. Let's try and picture that bit of pillow talk. "You know, honey, I think you like men." Why it's almost six degrees of separation!

Now we've come to the story that you've all been waiting for.

When we do our year-end column, this will go from, "Who is Lukas Gage?" to "Is Lukas Gage Gay?" to "What is Lukas Gage Doing With Kim's Hairdresser?" to "Are Lukas Gage and Chris Appleton Having Sex?" to "Did Lukas and Chris Get Married?" to "Did Chris Dump Lukas?" All in less than a year. It's almost Kardashian-esque.

And it's all true. Just as we went to press last week, Chris Appleton filed for divorce from Lukas citing that old chestnut, "irreconcilable differences." Almost simultaneously, Gage changed his Facebook relationship status from Married to Divorced...and the papers were still warm from the Xerox machine! What went wrong in this whirlwind romance? Who can say? Perhaps getting married faster than a pair of lesbians from Wellesley was the first mistake. And perhaps having the ceremony performed by Kim Kardashian was an ominous choice.

Ironically, their wedding just appeared on a recent episode of The Kardashians—with Kim advising Chris to get a pre-nup. He obviously took that advice, because we're told both boys will leave the marriage with only what they came in with. The downside is that Lukas will now have to pay for highlights. And trust me—husbands come and go, but a good hairdresser is forever.

Many people have been asking me if The White Lotus will be back this summer. Yes and no. Yes, the show will be back and set in Thailand. But due to the many strikes, production on season three will not start until February. That likely means we won't see another season until the end of 2024, or perhaps not until the summer of 2025.

Boy George is headed back to Broadway—because Taboo was such a fun experience! He's joining the cast of Moulin Rouge! The Musical! on Feb. 6 and is scheduled to stay until May 12. The role he's taking on is that of Harold Zidler, the host of the nightclub. It is currently being played by Tituss Burgess.

Also headed to Broadway is the West End hit musical Tammy Faye, with music by Elton John and lyrics by Jake Shears. So, y'know, that's pretty gay! Casting, dates and theatre haven't been announced. But in the West End, it did star Andrew Rannells, who is currently on Broadway starring with Josh Gad in Gutenberg! The Musical!. Still, he could be available by the time Tammy Faye hits Broadway later in the 2024/2025 season.

Transgender actress Alexandra Billings is creating her own one-woman show with hopes of heading to Broadway. The title, "S/he and Me", struck me as funny, because I believe I was the first to come up with that particular pronoun. But I'm very generous—Alex is welcomed to use it. This will not be Billings' first time on the Great White Way. S/he was in The Nap in 2018, and then moved to Wicked as Madame Morrible.

At long last, our favorite redhead is hitting the road with a new comedy tour. Yes, Kathy Griffin will take "My Life on the PTSD-List" on the road starting on Feb. 2 in Des Moines, Iowa—obviously a hotbed of same-sex activity. She continues to Omaha and Kansas City. If she survives that triumvirate, the rest of the 30+ cities will be a piece of cake. You can get dates and ticket information at KathyGriffin.com .

The fab five are no more. It's been announced that Bobby Berk is leaving Queer Eye. People behind the scenes whisper that he was "asked to leave." A source claimed that Bobby was not "vibing" with the rest of the cast, and that "his heart was not in it and the cast started to resent him because of that." I can't say I'm surprised—especially since I'm not exactly sure which one he was. I know he's not the hot one. And he's not the one with the talk show. And he's not the white-haired one. When you're part of "and the rest", you're somewhat dispensable. The official word is that "the decision was amicable." Like Star Jones and The View. Or Elisabeth Hasselbeck and The View. And...well, virtually everyone who has left The View...except Meredith, naturally. And, as they say on The View, I'm sure Bobby's welcome back any time.

It's probably pouring salt in the wound to announce that Queer Eye has been picked up by Netflix for a ninth season. Now, I know what you're all thinking. And, no, I probably wouldn't be a good fit for the show. The only hit that comes out of a Billy Masters show is Billy Masters, and that's me, baby, remember?

Our "Ask Billy" question this week comes courtesy of Mark in Los Angeles: "What have you heard about Kylie's residency in Vegas? Worth going?"

You can question the merits of Barbra. Or Madonna. Or even Cher. But you stay away from Kylie. She's a national treasure. Admittedly, not of our nation. I haven't yet seen Miss Minogue's More Than a Residency show at Voltaire at The Venetian. There were four shows in November, and four more in December, January, February and March (with two in both April and May).

People tell me that the atmosphere is incredible and she's in terrific voice. I didn't have to take their word for it—one fan sent me extensive footage, proving it's definitely more than a residency; more than a concert; it's a party. Not only is everyone dancing and singing along, but Kylie is extraordinarily accessible in terms of weaving through the crowd and interacting with people.

The stage has a runway that goes out into the audience. How can I best explain it? It's kinda like an erect penis...how appropriate for a Kylie show. Tables surround the runway, which isn't particularly high. So when Kylie is out there, she's really partying with you. There are also general admission tickets. But be forewarned—seeing Kylie is a pricey endeavor. We're talking thousands. But if you're a fan, get yourself over to Ticketmaster to see what tickets are left. Of course, you can see some exclusive footage (onstage and off) on BillyMasters.com .

When we have a little bit of rhythm and a lot of soul, we've definitely come to the end of yet another column. I'm still reeling over this Gage/Appleton breakup. Not that I thought they were destined to be together forever. But, damn, this was fast, even for moi!

And then it hit me—Chris married someone who became famous for getting rimmed on camera, and the wedding was officiated by someone who became famous for getting fucked on camera. It's almost like a Hallmark Channel movie—except I know who these people are!

While we wait for the inevitable sex tape to drop, I'll remind you to check out www.BillyMasters.com —the site that'll be the first to run it! If you have a question, dash it off to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Will slides into Lukas' DMs (or anything else). Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.


This article shared 1985 times since Mon Nov 20, 2023
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