"Give me, like, a young lesbian who grew up on Roseanne and I will get whatever I want."—Sara Gilbert admits when she will flirt with a stranger.
In the wake of Richard Simmons' recent hospital stay, a fabulous rumor has emerged—that he's transitioning ( presumably from male to female—but don't quote me on that ). It bears mentioning that this rumor started in the National Enquirer, which had a cover story emblazoned with the words "Call me Fiona!" and promising details of his "secret boob job & castration surgery." How could you see that on a checkout stand and not buy it? Well, I will save you the trouble ( and the $4.99 )—it's all lies. According to Simmons' publicist, there is not one iota of truth to the story. And why would a publicist lie? Richard explains the hospital stay as follows: "I was dehydrated and needed some fluids." I bet he did! Lies or not, I will forever refer to him as Fiona.
Nary a week goes by without stories that The View is about to be cancelled or that Whoopi is about to quit. First off, the show isn't going anywhere—ratings may be down, but they're still better than the competition. As to Goldberg, she's also staying put. She makes roughly $6 million a year to sit on that panel four days a week, 35 weeks a year—she ain't goin' anywhere. That said, her new contract is only for one year, because she wants to have options. Eons ago, I was working in an office with a woman who took real estate classes at night. When she finally got her license, she posted a copy of it and wrote in big letters "Remember—I've got options!." One night, I put a Post-It below the license that simply said two words—"Take them!"
Last week, Noah Galvin found himself in the middle of a firestorm due to an interview he gave to New York Magazine on its website, Vulture. Before going any further, I suppose I should tell you who Noah Galvin is. He's the star of The Real O'Neals—a show most of you aren't watching, if ratings mean anything. On the show, Noah plays a 16-year-old gay boy. In real life, Galvin is an openly gay actor although he's not 16 but 22 ( which means this show should have been on FOX, where high school students are typically played by actors who are members of AARP ).
Galvin's interview was titled "Noah Galvin has nothing to hide." He was so outspoken, Vanity Fair wrote an article called, "'Real O'Neals' star Noah Galvin Is Refreshingly Candid About Being Gay In Hollywood." Alas, most others took Noah to task. Within hours, he refuted virtually each of his inflammatory statements: "The entire interview I gave to Vulture has hurt the LGBTQ community and the industry I feel truly fortunate to be a part of. I apologize to everyone that I've hurt with my comments, and understand the damage that has been done." While I'm sure he was pressured to backpedal, I'm sad that he gave in.
What ruffled the most feathers were his statements about the recently out Colton Haynes: "That's not coming out. He didn't actually say he was gay. That's fucking pussy bullshit. That's like, 'Enough people assume that I sleep with men, so I'm just going to slightly confirm the fact that I've sucked a dick or two.' That's not doing anything for the little gays, but giving them more masturbation material." It's an ironic comment from someone who last month tweeted Colton's coming-out article and said, "Lezgo bro. Prouda you"—whatever that means.
Haynes wasted no time in addressing these new comments: "I've never met this kid, so for him to judge me without even meeting & having no idea the struggles I've been through or where I come from is absolutely uncalled for and quite frankly embarrassing on his part. Since when is a three pg article in Entertainment Weekly not an appropriate way to come out? And since when did he become the judge of what's appropriate? Shouldn't we all be supporting each other? Enjoy all your success. You're young kid... Hopefully you'll learn a thing or two. Good luck. I'm sure I'll seeya around—Colton Pussy Haynes." Am I the only one troubled that a 27-year-old is calling a 22-year-old "kid"?
Vulture admits to excising one inflammatory statement from Noah's interview, namely, "Bryan Singer likes to invite little boys over to his pool and diddle them in the fucking dark of night." As it turns out, this was not the only piece of judicious editing last week regarding a notable gay. Radio host Elvis Duran was taking calls on his iHeartRadio show about people having contact with celebrities via Twitter. A woman named Steph called in, excited to have gotten a personal response from David Muir. "You know he's gay, right?" Elvis asked. "What?" Duran then repeated, "You know David Muir is gay." But in the replay of the show ( which is on BillyMasters.com ), the gay references have been removed in an awkward pause at 25-second mark. See? We gays have power!
With summer right around the corner, I'm gearing up for the Fourth of July celebrations at Provincetown's legendary Crown & Anchor. Their annual Independence celebrations take place from June 30-July 7—although, to be honest, any summer day is a party at the Crown. Get your tickets at OnlyAtTheCrown.com .
We have time for a very brief "Ask Billy" question. Casey in Dallas asks, "Did I hear that John Barrowman's husband showed his penis again? Why is it always the husband and not John himself?"
Apparently you haven't been to BillyMasters.com—Barrowman's penis was one of the first things we revealed almost 20 years ago. When you ask, "Where's the beef," we've got it—literally! As to Johnny's hubby, this most recent photo is far less explicit than the video last month. But we'll post it anyway.
When we're already in summer reruns, it's definitely time to end yet another column. As we go to press, news of the Orlando shooting is unfolding. While that news might make this column seem irrelevant and trite, life does—and must—go on at www.BillyMasters.com, the site that never backs down. If you have a question or comment, feel free to send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Noah admits that he wants to do Colton ( because you know that's what this is all about ). Until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.
