"As a dude, I like to hang out with a guy with a big penisthat's why I like firemen. I'm just saying, I don't need a guy with a big penisI want a guy with a big penis."Comedian Christopher Titus has strong views on penises. Although he's heterosexual ( and twice-married ), he's always been one of our allies. So if he wants a big penis, who am I to say no?
The German word "schadenfreude" refers to deriving pleasure at someone else's misfortune. While I can't say I'm guilty of this on a regular basis, there is one exceptionwhen someone with an enviable physique gets fat. It's a horrible thing to admit, but it really does give me pleasure. In some ways, I like the person more because they go up and down like the rest of uswith the exception of Carnie Wilson, who famously said, "What does it matter if I go up and down 20 pounds?" When does "down" kick in?
Then there's Wentworth Miller. This week, he publicly acknowledged a meme which shows him shirtless in his Prison Break prime next to a photo of him a few years later, significantly heavier. Apparently this meme annoyed Went because at the time of his weight gain, he spiraled downhill mentally and was suicidal. He said, "In 2010, at the lowest point in my adult life, I was looking everywhere for relief/comfort/distraction. And I turned to food. It could have been anything. Drugs. Alcohol. Sex. But eating became the one thing I could look forward to."
Why, oh why, didn't he choose sex? If he had chosen sex and alcohol, maybe I would have had a chance. While I don't wish him pain, it is hard to have too much sympathy for someone who gained weight after a large part of his success came from showing off his once-hot body. As it turns out, this meme had two positive ramifications for Wentworth: 1 ) It reminded him that those tough days were behind him and b ) it showed him smiling. He was happy. Well, of course he washe had probably just eaten!
A former security guard for Elton John is suing the singer for sexual harassment. Jeffrey Wenninger says that in 2014, John repeatedly tried to touch his genitalia. Doesn't he realize that's how many of us gay men say hello? If I were sued by everyone whose penis I've "mistakenly" touched, Dick Cavett would be first in line! In one of the instances, Elton allegedly tweaked Wenninger's nipples and said, "You gorgeous thing, you." Another time, Elton allegedly tried to put his hands down Jeffrey's pants. And on another occasion, Elton said, "Get your todger out." I had to look that one up. Apparently, "todger" means penis. See? This is an educational column.
Last week, I spent a few blissful hours in NYC catching some marvelous shows. I'm not even sure how to describe Something Rottenit's as if Spamalot and Book of Mormon had a baby, which was raised by The Producers. It's irreverent, it's outrageous, and it's hysterical.
The story of two brothers trying to one-up William Shakespeare is crazy enough. Throw in some catchy tunes and witty lyrics with triple entendres which send up virtually every show in Broadway history. Add in great direction and choreography that makes a chorus line of old women in walkers seem tame. And it all comes together in Something Rottenone of the best shows I've ever seen. While Brian d'Arcy James and John Cariani are the "stars," the show is ably stolen by Christian Borle ( as a buff rock star of a Shakespeare ) and Brad Oscar ( the lesser-known befuddled nephew of Nostradamus ). There's not a bad performance on that stage. I was certain I knew one of the sexy men skillfully playing various roles in the ensemble. Sure enough, it was Aleks Pevecwho I vividly remembered from the 2007 LA production of Chess. That's yet another reason to check out Something Rotten.
My next theatrical stop was Charles Busch's Cleopatra. At this point, it's almost silly to trot out superlatives about what Charles and his troupe do. I am repeatedly astonished by the skill, talent, and love that his efforts convey. As usual, the entire run sold out even before the first preview. But Busch has earned a loyal following and always delivers to us, his disciples. The production has the joy and energy of kids putting on a show in their backyardand that joy and energy comes right back at them from the audience. Charles' Cleo is kinda like if Susan Hayward played the role, with more than a dash of Mae West. He steals snatches from Claudette Colbert, Vivien Leigh, Elizabeth Taylor ... and even Barbra Streisand. ( You have to see it. ) Busch is surrounded by a fabulous castmost notably Tony Sheldon ( from "Priscilla" ), who plays Caesar, wife Calpurnia and one of Caesar's successors, Marcus Lepidus. What Tony does with his voice is mind-bogglingvery reminiscent of early Peter Sellers from "The Goon Show." Although the run is technically sold out, there are a few tickets being released before each performance. Try to snag one at SmartTix.comthe show closes on April 17.
Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Patrick in Detroit: "I've heard dancer Roberto Bolle is gay. Is he? He's one of the hottest guys I've ever seen. And do you have any nude photos of him?"
Roberto Bolle is an Italian ballet dancer who is 42 years oldpretty old, by ballet standards. He made history in 2009 when he was named a principal dancer with the American Ballet Theatrethe first time an Italian male was given that honor. The New York Times called him "utterly gorgeous ( in both looks and dance )"and who am I to argue with them? He's pretty cagey about his personal life, although rumors abound.
Things heated up a few years ago when a French magazine published an interview where Roberto appeared to come out. He quickly retracted that announcement: "My statement about the subject of homosexuality was taken completely out of context and misinterpretedprobably because of my imperfect command of French. I never speak about my private life and I will not start now, so the news of the alleged 'outing' is not based in truth." As to your second question, he has only appeared nude onstage oncein Naples in 2010. While the theatre confiscated all cameras, someone miraculously snuck a video. If you want to see every inch of Roberto, check out BillyMasters.com .
When Bolle's dancing as fast as he can, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Boy, this was a long one ( words I suspect Roberto hears quite frequently ). So I'll briefly tell you to check out www.BillyMasters.com, the site that's always en pointe. Send your questions to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before someone makes a gay porn called The Artful Todger! So, until next time, remember: One man's filth is another man's bible.