"Basically, you work all night long while I just stand around and giggle like a 12-year-old schoolgirl."—Anderson Cooper to Kathy Griffin at the end of their New Year's Eve coverage for CNN. Truer words were never spoken.
For the ninth year in a row, Kathy Griffin spent four and a half hours on live TV shocking Anderson Cooper. The night began with Kathy demanding special lighting, saying it would help Anderson, too: "You're gonna look like a dumb model and I'm gonna look like Rula Lenska!" Obviously, this was not only geared toward my readers, but also former VO5 users who helped destroy the ozone!
Aside from giving Anderson a spray tan, the best parts were when the couple talked about hot guys. When Kathy asked who his "hall pass" is, Anderson confessed that his first big crush was when he saw my dear friend Robbie Benson in One on One. Later, he was quite nervous when Gus Kenworthy came on stage. Kathy gave the openly gay skier a kiss on the lips. When Gus turned to Anderson, the newsman demurred and said he'd kiss him on the cheek off-camera. BOO!
Anderson expressed conflicting emotions whenever he sees Nick Jonas. They do a kinda "bro hug" by bumping shoulders, which Coop finds "deeply unsatisfying. Of course, I want like a lingering hug." Kathy said that Andy didn't even know who Jonas was a couple of years ago: "He doesn't know who any actors are until they bulk up." As if on cue, a Nick Jonas song started playing on the street, and Anderson spun around like a top, hoping to see Nick live onstage. He then said he just likes his music, adding, "And he is a really good actor." Cue Kathy's eye-roll!
It's become a tradition for me to talk about the Kennedy Center Honors each year, but since Caroline Bouvier Kennedy Auchincloss Radziwill Onassis Schlossberg has been in Japan, it's really lost some of its luster. Leave it to Aretha Franklin to give us something to write about. When the curtain opened, there was nothing onstage except for a Grand piano. And then, Aretha comes strolling out in a full-length fur coat. Did she just walk in from the street? And why was she carrying her purse? Although it looked like a tasteful clutch, it was bulging like it contained some buffalo wings or perhaps a half-eaten burger! Alas, after losing so much weight, Auntie Re's put it all back on—and then some. Clearly, Franklin has no gay friends, because I can't think of anyone who would have OK'd that dress, which was revealed when she shrugged the fur from her ample shoulders. I have one rule of thumb: When both your weight and age begin with the number 7, don't wear a sleeveless dress—especially if you're gonna lift your enormous hocks in praise. That said, she really sounded great—better than she has in eons.
This summer, SiriusXM abruptly fired Derek and Romaine, the very popular co-hosts on OutQ. Since then, the pair has been privately plotting a return to the airwaves. Now, you can listen to Derek and Romaine every weekday at 5-7 p.m. ET on their own website, which has the catchy name of DerekAndRomaine.com . You can listen on your computer, tablets, mobile devices—pretty much anything except two tin cans and some string ( or, alas, SiriusXM ). The way I understand it—and bear in mind I didn't read all the fine print—you can sign up for a two-day free trial subscription. After that, there are various pricing levels to continue to listen live, on demand, via downloads, etc. It's structured eerily like the wildly popular BillyMasters.com—except no celebrity penises ( well, maybe from Romaine ).
And now, a case surrounding the murder of a wealthy Texas man and his heir apparent—a gay-porn star! The porn star in question is Mario Romo, whose real name is David Meza but who worked on SeanCody.com as Francisco. ( I'm gonna call him David. ) David met Jake Merendino in 2013 in Houston and the relationship soon became "romantic." Last year, the 52-year-old Jake retired and decided to buy a condo in Mexico. According to the FBI, Jake and David went to Mexico for Jake to close escrow in April. Since the condo wasn't ready yet, they stayed at a hotel in San Diego.
A day later, they moved to a hotel closer to the Mexican property. That night, David allegedly left the hotel around 10:30 p.m. At 1 a.m., Jake told the security guard he had to help a friend who was stranded. At around 3 a.m., his body was found in a ravine five miles away. While David claims to know nothing about the murder, he did admit that he and his girlfriend planned to rob Jake at the exact spot where the body was discovered! But, wait—there's more. Days after Jake's death, David produced a handwritten note dated Dec. 21, 2014 that was allegedly written by Jake and naming David as his sole heir. And what was the note written on? A notepad from the San Diego hotel Jake and David stayed at!
Our first "Ask Billy" question of the year comes from Kevin in Aventura, Florida: "You've written so much about Zac Efron in Dirty Grandpa. Is it ever coming out? Will his penis make the final cut?"
Dirty Grandpa is scheduled to be released Jan. 22. As for Zac's penis, it's a curious thing. On one hand, we're told that Zac's manhood was encased in a "cock sock" or a flesh-colored brief for the nude scenes. On the other hand, we were just sent some footage that shows parts of his penis completely exposed. While it is cut, I cannot confirm it will make final cut of the film. But it can be found on BillyMasters.com .
When Zac is showing almost as much skin as Aretha, it's definitely time to end yet another column. There's one little tidbit I didn't tell you—for Christmas, Zac's mom sent him a box of penis pasta. Maybe she knows something we don't. You can find all that and more on www.BillyMasters.com, the site that will never leave you al dente. If you have a question for me, send it along to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before I introduce Anderson to Robbie Benson! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
