"@Louis_Tomlinson Remember when you had a life and stopped making bitchy comments about mine?"—Zayn Malik tweets a response to one of his former One Direction bandmates. With this much bitchiness, we've now answered the question if there is a gay guy in the group. The better question is this: Is there a straight guy in the bunch?
After two decades of writing this column, I can now say that I've seen it all. Last week, Sylvia Ann Driskell filed a lawsuit in the United States District Court of Omaha, Nebraska, against "Homosexuals, Their Given Name Homosexuals, Their, Alis Gay." ( I assume she meant "alias." ) Not surprisingly, she acted as her own attorney for the suit ... which was handwritten. But she really isn't representing herself. Oh, no—she filed the lawsuit "as Ambassador for Plaintiffs God, and His, Son, Jesus Christ" ( typos—or "handwriting-os"—are her own ).
While the suit charges that gay people have violated her civil rights, she asked the court to determine "Is Homosexuality a sin, or not a sin." While I don't know if any court in the United States rules on "sin," it is an intriguing treatise from a troubled mind. I can almost see the Lifetime movie based on this case ... perhaps starring Miss Debra Winger. Alas, there will be no trial. Judge John Gerrard stated that it is not up to a court to determine whether homosexuality is sinful. My God, I could have been a judge!
Since we're updating recent scandals, let's revisit Ian Reisner and Mati Weiderpass. You remember them—the gay business partners who hosted a soirée for Republican presidential candidate, Ted Cruz. To get their side of the story out, the couple invited a reporter from New York magazine into the penthouse ( referred to as "the crime scene" ). When pointing out where Cruz sat, Weiderpass said that this was also where a group of his friends played Naked Twister a few years back—a bon mot I bet they didn't share with Cruz!
The pair went into great detail about their past service to the gay community and how the meeting with Cruz was more about foreign affairs and diplomacy than about any gay agenda. Then Ian tried to explain how running The Out NYC hotel and nightclub complex has been more of a philanthropic endeavor rather than a financial one. He says that his vision was to have a venue to showcase gay artists in the vicinity of Broadway. Commendable. Alas, he didn't end there., saying, "My only point is, this has not been a profitable venture. Gays are cheap. They're frugal; gays are frugal. Let me retract that—gays are entitled... Do you know how challenging it is to make a penny off a gay person? 'I'm gay, I don't pay cover.' 'I'm gay, where's my comp drink?' No, I'm being serious! The Out NYC has not shown a profit yet." Hey, I'm Billy Masters, and the last time I was there, I was charged for my drinks ( although someone else paid for them ).
Melissa Rivers has been making the rounds lately to promote her book, The Book of Joan. During a visit with Howard Stern, she cleared up some misconceptions. First, she did not inherit $100 million. "If it was $100 million, I would not be on a book tour," Melissa said. Good to know.
She also shed light on the train wreck known as Fashion Police. While choosing her words carefully, she made it clear that there is bad blood with Kathy Griffin: "I haven't spoken to her since our last taping." While she doesn't specifically finger Griffin, she does say that some people didn't show up to meetings or rehearsals, that some people were not team players and that some people made comments about how the revamped show was going to be young and hip and edgy—implying that Joan was some grandmother ( which, admittedly, she was ). She also discusses seeing Jay Leno at an event and that he snubbed her. Leno's camp said he didn't see her and if he did turn away, it was unintentional. Sigh—is it time for summer reruns already? And isn't that a dated term? Does anyone under 40 know what summer reruns were?
Speaking of summer, the field is getting awfully crowded as far as entertainment goes in Provincetown. I've already told you about the oodles of special events being hosted by the Crown & Anchor and the Ptown Art House. And now we know what the Provincetown Theater is doing. They're bringing in people like Christine Ebersole, Lena Hall, Adam Pascal, Anthony Rapp, Bruce Vilanch, and Ann Hampton and Liz Callaway. I'm exhausted just thinking about it! With all these shows going on, when oh when will I be able to squeeze in sex? There must be an intermission. While I'm looking into that, you can get details and tickets at ProvincetownTheater.org .
I already told you that sexy Jeremy Jordan would be appearing at the Crown & Anchor. He's also got a new gig. The former Smash star will appear in the upcoming CBS Supergirl series ( which got a full-season order ). He'll be playing Winslow Schott, who is actually a villain called The Toyman. The show will also feature Broadway babe Laura Benanti as Supergirl's mom. Somewhere, Faye Dunaway is combing out her Selena wig!
Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Mike in San Diego: "Longtime reader and subscriber to BillyMasters.com . Loved the photos this week of Zac [Efron] walking around practically naked. But I hear there are even more pics—including one of him naked on a motorcycle. I'm sure you can find it ... if it's real."
I can find it, and it's real ... kinda. The photos in question have been filtering out from the set of Bad Grandpa. Previously, we shared snaps of Zac walking around practically naked with only a bumblebee strapped to his nether regions. In the same scene, he apparently hops on a hog and rides away. ( I will pause for dramatic effect so that you can picture Zac hopping on a hog ... or anything else. ) Alas, the naked guy on the motorcycle wasn't Zac. While less scrupulous reporters have said that the guy was Zac's butt double, I did some sniffing around and discovered the truth. The guy was hired to be Zac's stunt double. OK, so he was a stunt double who also does nudity, but our sources say Efron had no problem with the nudity—just with the cycling. You can check out the photos of both boys on www.BillyMasters.com .
When Zac ( or someone who looks like him ) is riding bareback, it's definitely time to end yet another column. By the time you read this, I'll be out of the country to points unknown. Just a pre-summer jaunt—all work-related, I assure you. While I'm gone, I will keep updating you at www.BillyMasters.com, the site that loves a foreign tongue. If you have a question for me, shoot it on over to Billy@BillyMasters.com, and I promise to get back to you before Faye Dunaway learns all the words to "Bidi Bidi Bom Bom!" So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
