"I'm proud to be gay, and I consider being gay among the greatest gifts God has given me."—Apple CEO Tim Cook discusses his sexual orientation publicly for the first time. I suppose I'd get more excited if I owned an iAnything. But as a PC devotee, the best I can muster up is "Welcome."
Anytime I get to write about Nichelle Nichols, I'm in heaven—literally. The original Uhura was flying from Los Angeles to Providence, Rhode Island, where she was slated to appear at Rhode Island Comic Con. Nichelle was traveling with a blond guy who was described as her assistant. ( He's also described as in his 20s—those were 20 hard years. ) Apparently, the duo's carry-on bags went through X-ray without incident. While taking them off the belt, the contents of one bag fell to the ground, revealing what was described as "meth and drug scales." Nichols was shocked—shocked, I tell you—and said the bag belonged to her buddy. But guess whose name was on the luggage tags? Yup—Nichelle Nichols! TSA ascertained that the rest of the contents did indeed belong to her male companion. The guy was placed on the ground and handcuffed while Nichelle was wheeled to her waiting plane. So, lemme get this straight—a famous old Black woman in a wheelchair was traveling with someone carrying illegal drugs in a bag with her name on it—and she wasn't Dionne Warwick?
This was not a good week for people working with famous Black women. Our next story is about what happened as Oprah left a Miami restaurant. We'll let the "victim" explain: "As soon as Oprah got into the car, it pulled out from the curb, and a wheel went over my foot. I was wearing heels, my toe was trapped under the wheel and I fell to the ground, hitting my coccyx and my head. I am lucky because if the SUV had gone slightly further forward it would have crushed my whole ankle."
Let me stop to say I'm impressed by her use of the word "coccyx." Let's continue: "The driver reversed off my foot and Oprah jumped out. She couldn't' have been nicer and more gracious. She looked really shocked and asked me if I was OK, and took a good look at my foot. I wasn't hurt, and I told her I was fine. Oprah said, 'Well, that's worth a picture,' and she put her arm around me and we took some photos. It has always been on my bucket list to meet Oprah, but I could have never imagined it would be because her driver ran over my toe!" Let that be a lesson to all of you—if you should ever hit someone with your car and you don't want to be sued, offer to take a photo with them. Better yet, promise to get them a photo with Oprah!
Here's an unsolved mystery: Someone stole Hedwig's wig! Near the end of the Broadway smash musical, Michael C. Hall ( as Hedwig ) rips off his wig and throws it to the ground, as he does every night. However, after one show, the crew discovered that the wig was missing. ( Cue that scary music from Law & Order. ) Producer David Binder said, "You do not mess with Hedwig's wigs. That's, like, Hedwig 101. I'm afraid for the poor person who did this because Hedwig will find you, hunt you down and do unspeakable things to you." Unless that wig has GPS, I wouldn't be concerned. But I am kinda curious about these unspeakable things that Michael C. Hall might do. Is there a list of them anywhere? After seeing pics of him ending the show in only a pair of scanty rubber shorts, my mind is racing with possibilities. I'll share that photo with you on BillyMasters.com .
Speaking of Hedwig, Neil Patrick Harris is returning to TV to host his own variety show. It will be based on the hugely popular ( and veddy British ) series Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway, and will import a variety of key players from that show. This domestic version will be structured similar to its UK big brother, including a live studio audience, comedy sketches, musical numbers, games and pranks. In announcing a commitment to 10 hour-long episodes, NBC's president said, "This series will suit his extraordinary talents perfectly. He is a versatile and thrilling talent for us to welcome into the NBC family." The thing I got out of that is NPH is versatile.
Congrats go out to Sean Hayes, who announced his engagement to beau Scott Icenogle. Apparently, they've been together for eight years. Who knew?
Jane Lynch has discovered that a d-i-v-o-r-c-e costs lots of m-o-n-e-y. Her split from spouse Dr. Lara Embry ended up costing her a pretty penny. The damage? Half of several bank accounts ( $847,485 ), half of a 401K ( $315,079 ), half of their tax refund ( $56,810 ), and half of all future royalties from Glee. In lieu of alimony, Dr. Lara will get a lump sum of $1.2 million ( to be paid over two years ). She also gets to keep their LA Yacht Club membership and the dog. And, oh yes, she also gets to keep the daughter that she brought into the marriage. Thank God they didn't have a judge who insisted on splitting that, too!
Many of you have sent in questions about Ben Affleck's penis, which made its big-screen debut in Gone Girl. But is this really the first time we're seeing it? There are those who claim that the elusive Affleck Penis made a fleeting appearance in Hollywoodland. Perhaps ... it's hard to tell if that's a penis or a fist. ( Check it out on our website. ) Because I am devoted to you, my dear readers, I searched high and low and came up with the Gone Girl footage in question. There is indeed a fleeting glimpse of Ben's penis. But I caution you—it's sudden and shadowed. It's also not a frontal view. I'd call it side penis. Kinda like side boob in all those photos of Lindsay Lohan in a tank top ... but significantly less saggy. Check it out on BillyMasters.com .
When Oprah's hitting people with cars instead of giving them away, we've definitely come to the end of yet another column. Of course, for even more dirt, you'll have to check out www.BillyMasters.com—the site that doesn't hold anything back. Instead of answering one specific "Ask Billy" question, I took care of a group of you with Affleck's penis ( you're welcome ). As always, I'm here for your queries. Just send 'em along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Ben's penis demands equal billing. So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
