"No—I think of one diva!"—Patti LuPone's response to Seth Rudetsky's question, "Do you think of the three divas? Bernadette, Betty and Patti?" She followed her answer with a hearty laugh, adding, "What the fuck did you expect me to say?" The video of this concert event, "Patti LuPone in Provincetown," is not only one of my holiday gift suggestions but is available online at SethTV.com .
While reviewing 2012, I was struck by how much actually changed in 12 months. Let's take same-sex marriage. Do you realize that in the course of a few short weeks, Anderson Cooper took President Obama to task for not making his position clear, Obama came out in favor of gay marriage, then Anderson came out as gay and then his boyfriend was photographed kissing another man? That's quite a journey—literally, since Cooper learned of the dalliance whilst on vacation with his beau, Kelly Ripa and Andy Cohen in Croatia, proving yet again that nothing good happens around Kelly Ripa (or, for that matter, in Croatia).
Earlier in the year, Matt Bomer thanked his "beautiful family: Simon, Kit, Walker, Henry." Everyone wondered if he had actually come out. Presumably after seeing the positive response to his step, he made it very clear a few weeks later. He also appeared in a star-studded reading of Dustin Lance Black's play, 8, about the gay-marriage trial in California—a topic we'll be discussing extensively in 2013, given the involvement of the Supreme Court.
The changing attitudes are being reflected in several celebs who have admitted having same-sex crushes. Most surprising was Blake Shelton, who copped to his lust for fellow The Voice judge, Adam Levine: "It blows me away people can pick up on that just by watching us on television. I want to kiss him. I want to kiss him so bad. I don't care if it's mutual or not." So what's stopping you? Save it for a very special The Voice, maybe during May sweeps.
Then there's little Daniel Radcliffe, who admits to having a "talent crush" on Ryan Gosling: "I think he's fantastic and ... ahem ... you know he'd be nice afterwards. He seems smart. If I was gay, I would go for a smart man." If you're looking for brains, then look no further than Stephen Hawking. You get brains and a very healthy inheritance that could kick in at any minute. Until then, you get all the good parking spots!
The British royal family is always in the news. The year started well with the Queen's Jubilee. Only a few months later, Prince Harry was playing nude billiards in Las Vegas. And then Prince William and Kate were snapped while nude sunbathing in France. Do I smell another annus horribilis? We don't post photos in Odorama on BillyMasters.com, but you can certainly check out the royal jewels there.
Apropos of absolutely nothing, one of my favorite stories was when Pope Benedict XVI visited Mexico. Well, it wasn't so much his visit as the photos of him driving down the streets of Guadalajara in his Popemobile while wearing a sombrero! I envision a line of videos entitled "Popes Gone Wild." Confess your sins, and he'll throw you a set of rosary beads!
And yet, the pope didn't commit the biggest fashion faux pas of the year. That honor must go to Martina Navratilova, who was forced (perhaps at gunpoint) to appear on Dancing with the Stars in red fringe pants, a bikini top and a fishnet poncho! Is it any wonder she was the first person voted off?
Proving how much can change in the course of a year, Martina's dancing partner on "DWTS" was Tony Dovalani, and they were the first couple voted off in March. When the show's "All Star" edition débuted in the fall, Tony's partner was Melissa Rycroft—and they WON! What a difference eight months and a new partner makes!
Male celebrity nudes always play a big role in this column—the bigger the better, I always say. I was thrilled to bring you William Levy from "DWTS." He may have been new to you, but I've known of Levy since his telenovela days. And if there's one thing I know, it's that Latin soap actors with enormous penises have no problem posing in see-through underwear. Gracias a Dios.
This year, it was one of my esteemed proofreaders who alerted me to Zach McGowan on Shameless. As you know, I am rarely impressed. But when Zach entered one scene showing off his excruciatingly beautiful body with his ponderous penis swinging at half-mast, I was dumb-struck—in fact, it could have taken out an eye. And that's what we pay Showtime for—dick! The trend continued with a surprisingly taut and tight Harry Hamlin seducing the youthful Cameron Monaghan. As someone who can see 60 in the not-so-distant future, it gave me hope.
It was also a year of goodbyes. Of all of them, the one that impacts me the most is the passing of Dick Clark. This column has kicked off each new year by reporting on Dick's traditional telecast. Even though last year he was down to five minutes of largely incomprehensible blather, I'll miss him. In the words of Clark, "Kiuhbiy tuh murob newtod dofmj!"—which I believe roughly translates as, "Get off your knees, Ryan. You've got the job!" But please, don't take any of this as a dis on someone who was really a television icon. It's just playful fun. As Joan Rivers told David Letterman earlier this year, "You can't get herpes from hate!" But you can get them from your co-host. Dick took that secret to the grave.
Gossip-wise, I can't let the year slip away without acknowledging the loss of Ted Casablanca. Nope, he's not dead. But he was canned from E! Online for reasons still murky and mysterious, but possibly involving him inadvertently implying that Jeremy Renner is gay ... something I'd never, ever do. We'll miss you, Ted. And Jeremy ... call us.
When I'm propositioning a "straight" actor, it's definitely time to end yet another column. And you can always get the straight story from www.BillyMasters.com, the site that's always fresh and frisky. Many of the stories I've mentioned were researched after receiving questions from my readers. So, feel free to e-mail me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before the pope schedules his next trip to New Orleans during Mardi Gras! So, until next year, remember, one man's filth is another man's Bible.
