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Billy Masters
by Billy Masters

This article shared 2814 times since Wed Sep 12, 2012
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"I would have preferred Heidi show a little bit more class and at least wait until we separated first before deciding to fornicate with the help, as it were."—Seal goes for the jugular when discussing rumors of his marriage breaking up due to the supermodel cheating with their bodyguard. His publicist later said, "Seal would like to clarify that he was not implying his wife was cheating while they were together, but he was merely pointing out that their separation and divorce were not final and they are still legally married." Yeah, that's what he meant.

For a change, my trip home from Europe was entirely uneventful. But I had no idea how lucky I was until I read about Christopher Bridgeman and Martin Borger of Norfolk, Va. In May 2011, they were flying home from Costa Rica on United Airlines and got quite a surprise when they went to retrieve their luggage. When their bag came out on the conveyor belt, a sex toy that had been inside was taped on top of the bag and covered with a dirty oily substance. Of course, everyone else in baggage claim was watching to see whose bag had what turned out to be a rather large purple dildo sitting on top. (To be fair, it's actually bursting out of what appears to be a broken zipper.) The guys say they endured emotional trauma from the experience and have filed suit against the airline. And to think I was willing to sue when I didn't get a bag of peanuts!

Here we go again—John Travolta's back in the news. This story comes from his alleged ex-boyfriend, Doug Gotterba, who was officially the pilot of the star's private jet. After being silent for so long, he's suddenly leaking little details here and there, undoubtedly trying to jack up the advance for the his upcoming memoir. He said the first time they were "together" was on Sept. 21, 1981. They flew up to Carmel, Calif., together, and went to a resort where they had a great dinner and even better wine. As they were walking to their room, Travolta asked, "Hey, would you like a massage?" Oh, that old trick. Doug said that John was "gentle, but very passionate."

There's been speculation of a sex tape of the two. Apparently, Johnny wanted to make one, but Gotterba said no. While it would certainly boost his allegations, I can completely understand him demurring. I know that when I have sex in a room with a large mirror, I'm often distracted by thoughts of whether I could somehow do the act in question more attractively! Doug ran into John a few years after their relationship ended and allegedly asked him, "So, John, tell me—now that you're married, do you still prefer men? Or women?" John reportedly said, "Well, Doug, I still prefer men." Here's what makes me doubt this entire exchange—how often are you having a conversation where you both refer to each other by name? Rarely, I reckon.

Talk about John Travolta obviously leads directly into gossip about Tom Cruise. You probably know that Vanity Fair has a lengthy article about how the head honchos in the Church of Scientology "auditioned" girls to be Cruise's next wife, something I wholeheartedly believed before even a cursory glance at the "facts." According to this exposé, the church was desperate to get Cruise away from Penelope Cruz, who was a Buddhist and could not be controlled. Rumor has it that one of the most promising candidates was removed from consideration once the church learned she had enjoyed a three-way. (Rumors abound this was either Sofia Vergara or Scarlett Johansson.)

The gal who was eventually chosen was Nazanin Boniadi. She was vetted by a committee who told her they were auditioning people for a new Scientology training film. One of the questions was "What do you think of Tom Cruise?" Apparently, Nazanin didn't answer, "He's crazy as a loon!" The church allegedly told her that she had been selected for a very important mission that required her to be audited every day for a month.

During the course of this process, she was told to get rid of her braces, her red highlights and her boyfriend. They also had her sign a confidentiality agreement, stating that if she revealed anything about her mission, she would be declared an enemy of the church ... and I think we all know what that means. Eventually, Tom and Nazanin started to date but Cruise didn't like that she asked too many questions and was very independent. He had the church break up with her, and she was reassigned—to scrubbing toilets with a toothbrush and cleaning bathroom tiles. I knew Scientology was a haven for gays—only a gay church would look to Mommie Dearest for ideas on punishment!

Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Reed in Chicago: "Enough with that douche Ryan Lochte. You haven't once mentioned Danell Leyva—and there are supposed to be nudes of him. Let's see those. He's gotta be family."

I was waiting for the Lochte backlash, and there it is—courtesy of the Windy City. Even The Bachelor passed on Ryan. I guess once you've skipped Prince Harry's orgy, you're old news. As for Olympic gymnast Danell Leyva, one can't deny he's hot. But I don't get a gay vibe from him, and since the photos in question were texted to a girl he was trying to hook up with, I think that's a closed book. Regardless, we can still look and it's a sight for sore eyes. I bet a different part of you will be sore after checking him out on .

When I'm calling for Olympians to go back to competing in the nude, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Of course, I only suggest this because I'm a purist and not after seeing Leyva's nude gymnastic shots (although I must confess I've never been so jealous of a pommel horse in my life). For more revelations, be sure to check out, the site that never holds anything back. If you have a question for me, just send it along to and I promise to get back to you before Cruise looks for his next wife on The Bachelor! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.

This article shared 2814 times since Wed Sep 12, 2012
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