"I wouldn't be here without a show like this. I'm like, 'Dude, I know you have my album, but there's plenty of people who can sing like me or better, and you just gotta get past that because this is your moment."—Kelly Clarkson shares the advice she gives prospective contestants on Duets. Nice to see that this real "American Idol" hasn't forgotten her roots.
When I read the headline "American Idol Has Lowest-Rated Finale Ever," I felt very guilty. Yes, guilty because this was the first season of "AI" that I skipped completely. I didn't watch a single episode. Not one. And you know what I missed? Nothing. I didn't even feel out of the loop. I was vaguely aware of what was going on. I knew that there was some girl in the finale who the American people already tried to get rid of. And there was a guy who could possibly drop dead before winning—which would make this the first year that the new American Idol would be crowned posthumously. I would've liked to see that. It's not often that someone can win a show and also be included during the " In Memoriam" segment.
On the other hand, Dancing with the Stars had an action-packed finale where everything changed. Frankly, I was simply relieved that Katherine didn't win. Had the unthinkable happened, I would have consoled myself knowing that the deserving Mark Ballas had another win under his belt (along with many other things). Going into the finale, many people predicted William Levy had it all tied up—which is a tantalizing image to consider alongside the full-frontal nudes of him that we have on www.BillyMasters.com . He not only had the bad news of coming in third, but also that his home in Miami is in foreclosure. I hate to even bring this up because the last time I had a foreclosure story, it started a war. But, hey, I just report these things. Levy is reportedly behind $20K in payments and there are plans for the property to be included in a bank auction June 13. However, I will add that there are many reasons people get behind ... and, frankly, William's got quite a nice arrears.
With Dancing with the Stars over, you know what that means ... another season of The Bachelorette. Roll your eyes all you want, but this is a perfect chance for some prime man-watching. Why any of these guys are vying for Emily is beyond me—those Muppets were more lifelike than this plastic princess. And, while I usually consider children off limits, I have to say that there's no need for me to ever hear the words "Little Ricky" unless the role is being played by Keith Thibodeaux. As to the men, these prospective suitors did a number of ridiculous things to get Emily's attention—dress as an old woman (Randy), ride a skateboard (Jef—with one "f") and carry an ostrich egg (the soon-to-be-departed Travis). But no one stood out like Kalon, who belatedly arrived in a helicopter. Obviously, the flight didn't muss his perfect coif. And—wait a minute—is he wearing lip gloss? He's a little pretty, but a lot prissy. And, clearly, he moisturizes. Next.
Having a penchant for blonds, I focused on Sean Lowe. Even in clothes, I could tell his body was worth looking into. My instincts were correct. Sean is an insurance salesman by day and fitness model by night. As it turns out, he has quite a gay following—because I think we all know who's reading those workout magazines. I'm told he's very popular with the gay boys in Texas—photos to follow on BillyMasters.com . But Sean ain't the only physique to watch. There are at least four competitive bodybuilders in this cast. We got a glimpse of the first one at the end of the season premiere. After Jackson was eliminated, he made sure that the camera captured exactly what Emily was missing out on. I don't think she would have cared, but I took a little time to enjoy the view.
Then there's David, a singer-songwriter who has a penchant for writing lyrics that include words like "ineffable"—which you don't find in many hit songs. I didn't expect him to be amongst the body beautiful, but I was proven wrong. The biggest shock to me was Tony Pieper. He's the lumber-trading single dad who introduced himself with a glass slipper and a pronounced lisp when he said the word, "M'lady." (You can't make this up.) Last week, he was featured sweating profusely waiting in the wings while Emily read an interminable letter from another gent. Turns out that underneath his nebbish exterior beats a champion bodybuilder! In fact, he came in third in the 2011 Iron Mountain Classic Men's Physique Competition—which certainly sounds impressive. Almost as impressive as the photos of his hot body, which I'll feature (along with all the others) on BillyMasters.com .
Since we're kicking off Pride Month, let's talk about all the people who've been coming out. The New York Times did an article about Jim Parsons—who is currently appearing in the Broadway revival of Harvey. When discussing his performance in last season's The Normal Heart, the scribe wrote that it "resonated with him on a few levels: Mr. Parsons is gay and in a 10-year relationship, and working with an ensemble again onstage was like nourishment, he said." Since the writer did interview Parsons, I'm sure this information was conveyed directly—even if it isn't presented in a direct quote.
When a Jim Parsons outing is by way of an imaginary rabbit, it's definitely time to end yet another column. If you're home alone, check out www.BillyMasters.com, the site that's always good company. Although I didn't get to squeeze in a question this week, I'm always happy to hear from you. So feel free to send an e-mail to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Little Ricky turns up on Toddlers and Tiaras. Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
