"I like more of a guy's guy. Like Johnny Depp, James Franco, Ellen DeGeneres."—Sara Gilbert shares her opinion of Bradley Cooper being named People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive. Because, as we all know, Gilbert is known for her discerning taste in men.
Usually my views are not shared by the general public. This point was driven home when I read about the outrage over former porn star Sasha Grey volunteering to read to school children. I understand that it took many people by surprise—the idea that a porn star could read. Other than that, I'm stymied. It's not like she was acting out the stories in children's theater! Here's what made it even more perplexing—on the same day, mainstream news outlets applauded Paris Hilton for visiting orphans in Bali. Isn't that kinda the same thing? OK, there's a difference—Paris wasn't reading to anyone. (It's yet to be proven that she actually CAN read). So why is Hilton being lauded for interacting with children whilst Sasha Grey is being criticized? I'm stumped.
Our next story is about someone trying to get their hands on a Serbian penis. As titillating as that sounds, sadly it's a story about Chaz Bono. As you should all know by now, Chaz had what is referred to as "top surgery"—meaning that during his gender-reassignment surgery, nothing was altered below the waist. Up until now, Bono had said that the options for "bottom surgery" were less than ideal. However, apparently that's changed. Last week, Chaz told Howard Stern that he's planning to undergo "Serbian penis-attachment surgery." He went into graphic detail about what this would entail. I'm going to spare you all of that, except that I believe I saw something similar done on a special episode of"The Iron Chef. I'll sum it up in Bono's own words: "It'll be small, but you're going to be able to urinate through it." I hate to say it, but I have a funny feeling I dated that Serb!
Here's a story that also made a bit of controversy. A 26-year-old Welsh rugby player broke his neck and had a stroke while attempting to do a backflip. OK, it's sad, but not controversial—except for what happened when he regained consciousness: "I was gay when I woke up and I still am ... I wasn't interested in women anymore. I was definitely gay. I had never been attracted to a man before—I'd never even had any gay friends." He says that with his newfound gayness, he decided to focus on, what else, looking better! He immediately started working out, lost more than 100 pounds and bleached his hair. I'd have probably done it in the reverse order, but that's just me. He also quit his job in a bank, studied to become a hairdresser and opened his own salon. Somewhere along the way, he picked up a 19-year-old boy in a bar and they are now living together. WOW, that musta been some stroke!
Speaking of rugby, Mickey Rourke is in training for his next film project—a biopic about openly gay rugby star Gareth Thomas. To prepare, Rourke has flown Gareth to Los Angeles to pick up some of his mannerisms. One thing that will be easy for him to replicate is Gareth's loss of eight teeth. Coincidentally, Rourke lost several of his front teeth in a childhood accident. He got them fixed when he was in acting school under dubious circumstances: "I met a gay Chinese doctor and, 'cause I had no money, I let him touch me and he took care of the teeth." Huh??
Didya know The A-List Dallas is on the air? No? Me neither. But apparently, two of the cast members have made it into the news ... well, into this column. One of them is Taylor Garrett, who apparently is conservative and claims to have been the victim of a hate crime—make that two hate crimes. Back in October, he says that someone threw a rock with a note attached to it through his window. Since the rock was in pristine condition and the incident coincided with the show debuting on Logo, skeptics felt this was staged to get some press. More recently, he was attending a birthday party, went out to his car to retrieve a gift and found a guy scratching "Fuck Coulter" onto his car. (Taylor apparently is chummy with Ann Coulter—who is either a biological male or one of the few women to have an Adam's apple.) The guy knocked Taylor to the ground and then fled the scene. Police were called, but Taylor refused what is called "Physical Evidence Section." Some bloggers find this suspicious, especially since he also refused to let detectives look for fingerprints or any other evidence. Hmmmm.
Another cast member is sexy Levi Crocker, who took a nude photo of himself in a mirror. I may not know who he is, but he's on a TV show, he's hot, and he's erect—that's how you land on BillyMasters.com .
Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Frank in Bangor: "I saw on one of those entertainment shows that Jonathan Lipnicki grew up to be a really hot guy. Do you have any photos of him? And does he play for our team?"
I saw those photos, too. Lipnicki, who is best remembered as the kid in Jerry Maguire, has most certainly buffed up. He took a series of scantily clad workout shots, which have somehow found their way onto the Internet. Apparently he's got a blue belt in Brazilian jujitsu—something I didn't even know existed. He's 21, 5'7" and weighs 146—which I believe I weighed in high school! Alas, I really don't know much about his personal life. But after looking at these revealing photos, I did learn that he's Jewish. See for yourself on BillyMasters.com .
When Mickey Rourke is trading sexual favors for dental work, it's time for me to end yet another column. At this point, I'd usually remind you to check out www.BillyMasters.com for the latest gossip. But this week, I'm also going to tell you to check out "Billy's Boudoir," where I explain how I may have inadvertently stumbled into a plural relationship. And since Thanksgiving is upon us, it's important for me to take a moment to thank the people who help me bring this column to you each and every week for the past 16 years. The sources, the proofreaders, the lawyers—they all play an important role. Of course, the most important part of the equation is you, the people I hopefully edify and entertain. If you've got a question you wanna throw my way, send an e-mail along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I end up on a new Logo show entitled Sister Husbands! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
