"How big's your penis?"—Cloris Leachman corners The X-Factor host Steve Jones backstage at a television studio. After commenting on the size of his shoes, Jones uncomfortably asked if that's what she really wanted to talk about—and out came the penis question. God—love that Cloris!
After a straight celebrity makes a statement that can be perceived as anti-gay, they always give one of those interviews where they invariably say something like, "I love gay people. Many of my close friends are gay." Never get tired of it. But this week, we had a variation on that ol' chestnut. It all started a couple of weeks ago when someone asked Thomas Jane if we'd see his character on Hung get it on with a dude. "I told HBO, the year I end up with a penis in my mouth is the last year of the show," he said.
Immediately, the homophobic word was being circulated. Damage control was obviously needed. An interview was set up with the L.A. Times. When Jane talked about trying to break into the business, he said it—the new quote everyone's talking about: "When I was a kid out here in L.A., I was homeless. I didn't have any money and I was living in my car. I wasn't averse to going down to Santa Monica Boulevard and letting a guy buy me a sandwich. Know what I mean?" Oh, I know what you mean. Continuing the sex vis-à-vis food topic, he added, "Until you've tasted the food, you don't know whether you'll like it or not, as my mom always said." It sounds like for a while he was going back for seconds!
I've been thinking for months—how can I help fill the void in the world that has been left by Oprah Winfrey? This weekend, I found my answer. While touring West Hollywood's brand-new library, I spotted a number of places perfect for illicit assignations. But that's how I'll fill other voids. To fill Oprah's void, I'm going to regularly recommend books for you to read, because if I know nothing else, I know you can read. So why not share the work of some of my more prolific friends? I'll be including some celebs like Jackie Collins, Julie Newmar, Dyan Cannon and Florence Henderson. Also, I'll also be spotlighting books from some of our gay scribes like Corey Spears, Derek Hartley and Ken Howard. There's nothing too trashy, nothing too prurient—but something for everyone.
Since I don't want to shock your system, we'll start with one of the most titillating books I have ever read. My pals Jake Smyth and Luca Barbieri—not their real names—penned The HardBody Chronicles. In fact, the names you'd know them by aren't their real names either ... but that's another story. The boys—well, men—might be familiar to you in several ways. You may know Luca from his prolific porn career with that high-flying company. Or you may know them from their extremely popular photos taken by Jeff Palmer that likely adorn many of your walls and/or coffee tables. (Some of those photos are included in this book—and on our website.) Or you may know them from their HardBody Parties that were legendary in South Beach for the standards of physical beauty that were required to get in.
This is not a tell-all—or is it? It actually falls into the category of a "roman à clef"—the kinda book that got Truman Capote drummed out of society. This means it's my kinda book—where the names have been changed to ... well, to avoid any lawsuits. But it's more than that. Between each bitchy and dishy line is a story of real people traversing the '90s and straddling the line between fear and abandon, between pleasure and pain. Also, at least for these two, it's a story about survival. If you lived through this era, a lot of the material will hit home. In between guessing who's who in the book, you'll be aroused, you'll be moved, you'll wish you were there and you may be glad you weren't. But one thing's for sure—you'll enjoy yourself! You can buy the book and get more info at TheHardBodyChronicles.com .
The premature departure of The Playboy Club from the airwaves means that my friend Jenifer Lewis is back in L.A. It also means that she'll be kicking off AIDS Walk LA Oct. 16. It also means that she'll be appearing at Sheryl Lee Ralph's "Divas Simply Singing" AIDS benefit Oct. 22 (info at TheDivaFoundation.org ). And it also means that I'll be with her—ON STAGE. Needless to say, you should get your tickets now!
Our "Ask Billy" question comes from Donny in Michigan: "I just saw American Horror Story. WOW, Dylan McDermott sure is hot!!! And he was walking around naked. Do you have any outtakes or photos?"
There certainly was a lotta naked Dylan in the premiere—but I'd expect nothing less from creator Ryan Murphy. And I'm told there's more where that came from. Dylan's always looked good, but this took it to a whole new level. Bravo to FX for letting it all hang out. Of course, if you missed any of the skin, head to BillyMasters.com .
And to slip in one more hottie, Jared Leto took to the runway last week at the Yves Saint Laurent fashion show in Paris. He was clad in tight black pants and a tank (apparently fishnet is making a comeback). Since he always looks so amazingly hot, I'll run the photos on our website.
When fishnet is once again fashionable, it's time to end yet another column. Have I mentioned that my personal musings continue in a unique column, Billy's Boudoir? That column, along with all the titillating material you find here, is all housed on www.BillyMasters.com, the site that fills many voids. If you've got one I've missed, send some information (and perhaps a photo) along to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Cloris writes her own HardBody tell-all! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
