"I'll see people I worked with back then who look like they could be my parents now. I don't understand. I do take care of myself but I drink a fair bit and I still smoke cigarettes, which I shouldn't. I have tried to age myself. It's just not working."—Ryan Phillippe talks about how he'd like to shed his youthful appearance. Cry me a river, Phillippe!
I've peaked too early. I don't mean in the bigger picture sense—like my life has peaked too early. I'm talking about when you look absolutely perfect, but it's days before you really need to look good. I have two things I wanted to look good for—hosting the white carpet arrivals at Jeffrey Sanker's White Party (JeffreySanker.com ) and taking new headshots (which I'm loathe to do, but how much longer can I call that high school yearbook photo "recent"?). I calculated exactly when I should tan, when I should get my highlights retouched, when I'd get a haircut and when I had to stop eating. Somehow I ended up looking fabulous six days early—I guess my abacus was off! You know what that means? You may never see those new headshots—and God knows what I'll look like in Palm Springs April 8-11.
When we think of men's peaks, usually an age in the 30s is cited. Then there's Rob Lowe, who appears shirtless on the current issue of Vanity Fair. I'm sure special filters, lighting and other wizardry were employed (would that I had that budget for my shoot). But you can't deny the results are spectacular. OK, so it's not the same Rob who walked around in a jock strap in Youngblood or in far less on that sex tape from the 1988 Democratic National Convention. I'd say I hope I look that good when I'm 47, but I doubt it—I don't look that good now!
Then there's one of the most stunning men in our community—Dirk Shafer. Sure, he's beautiful on the inside, too, but let's linger on that fantastic flesh which has held up quite nicely since his stint as a Playgirl centerfold and Man of the Year in 1992 (which spawned his hysterical mockumentary of the same name). We hear that Dirk recently had some discussions with the powers-that-be at Playgirl about doing another explicit pictorial—which is saying something because how many of you look as good naked as you did 19 years ago? I'm having trouble maintaining my peak for a week. While the talks with Playgirl were serious, it seems that the money was not ... to say nothing of a minor scandal caused by a far more recent Man of the Year having an ad up on RentBoy.com! At least Dirk is busy being a personal trainer, writing a new movie and releasing a new fitness product. If it ensures that I'll look like him, sign me up!
Another former Playgirl guy and one of the stars of Dirk Shafer's Circuit is in the news. My buddy Paul Lekakis has a new single. The aptly titled "I Need a Hit" is credited to Massi & De Leon featuring Paul Lekakis, but it's pretty much Paul's baby. It's been on the Billboard Dance Chart for the past dozen weeks and the video on YouTube is pretty damn hot. Check it out (and, what the hell, I'll run nude photos of him, too).
How'd you like to get close to Hugh Jackman? OK, put down your hands—it was a rhetorical question. Well, have we got an announcement that you don't get to make every day. Hugh Jackman—arguably one of the hottest men in the world—will be spending May singing showtunes in San Francisco. The only thing that surprises me is that it won't be in June on a float! It's been announced that on May 3-15, Hugh will be performing a new one-man show at the Curran Theatre and will be backed (as it were) by a 17-piece orchestra. We're told Hugh has to take a bit of an enforced hiatus since his next Wolverine film is in search of a new director. So in the meantime, he's going to relive some of his favorite stage roles. Expect selections from Sunset Boulevard, Carousel, My Fair Lady, "Oklahoma, Beauty and the Beast and, of course, The Boy from Oz. I'm told he'll recreate the now-infamous lap dance sequence that was so popular when "Boy" was on Broadway. So get a good seat—maybe you'll be the one! Tickets for "Hugh Jackman in Performance" can be purchased at www.shnsf.com .
Just to whet your appetite, those scrappy paparazzi caught Hugh exiting the gym in some clingy shorts that leave very little to the imagination. There seems to be a protrusion of some girth that sticks out significantly and curves quite a bit downward. I suppose you have to see it to believe it, and I believe you can see it at BillyMasters.com .
When I'm handing you Hugh's huge hog on a silver platter, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Let's go back to peaking early. We all wonder when we'll peak. Or have we peaked. Or will we ever peak. I'm not sure if you realize it when you're there—but you certainly can tell when you look back. For instance, just last week I was looking at the stats to www.BillyMasters.com and I am proud to say that this 15-year-old weekly column continues to reach record numbers of readers—every time I think we've peaked, you people shock me. Since you've gotten my attention, feel free to do it one-on-one. If you've got a question, just e-mail me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Hugh's lap dance creates another peak! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
