"No one. They should all wait till I'm fuckin' dead. I pass the mantle to no one. They'll have to rip it from my dead shoulders. I know—gracious till the end!"—Joan Rivers answers the question of who is the next "Joan Rivers." As if there could be another...
Last week, Joan Rivers caused a bit of controversy when The Advocate asked her if young gay performers should keep their sexuality a secret: "It's part of the game. If you're going to be a romantic idol and try to get every teenage girl to love you, then you'd be an ass to come out and say you're gay. Ricky Martin was so smart. He did what he did, made his millions and then he said, 'Guess what, everybody? I'm gay.' It didn't matter anymore because he didn't have to bring in 16-year-old girls. If you're looking at someone who's your idol, thinking that maybe one day they'll come ring your doorbell, you don't want to hear, 'There's no chance in hell, honey, but still buy a ticket to the movie.'" For some reason, people have taken Joan to task for basically stating the truth. It's something women have dealt with for years. Tell me that a woman who is up for a big job that requires lots of travel and powerful negotiations is going to have the same chance of landing that job if she tells the employer that she's pregnant. Not gonna happen. I know you hate it when I say this, but its show BUSINESS.
By the way, Joan makes it very clear that she's only talking about romantic leads. Comics and character actors don't have these problems. "No single guy ever had Ellen DeGeneres' or Rosie O'Donnell's picture up on the wall and thought, 'Maybe one day I'll meet her and she'll marry me.'" That may be true, but I'm sure a few flannel-wearing truckers with names like Marge and Gert did!
During an interview with Upscale Magazine, Queen Latifah was put in the hot seat when it was queried that she could end all speculation about her sexuality by openly discussing it. Latifah didn't bite: "I don't have to explain anything. I don't have to confirm anything. Look, I need my time. I need my life." She also said that her life is an open book to people close to her: "I don't have to tell Joe Blow. Joe, you worry about who YOU are sleeping with!"
Deborah Gibson and Tiffany are teaming up, and this isn't the first time. Four years ago, I hosted back-to-back concerts by both gals at LA Pride. This time, they're actually working together—in an original movie for the SyFy network. Yes, this is the same network that once had Shannen Doherty scaring people by showing up at their doors and saying, "Hi, I'm Shannen Doherty." Our '80s pop princesses are co-starring in Mega Python vs. Gatoroid. Why, I can almost hear the theme song now! Deb plays an animal-rights activist who frees snakes from pet stores and lets them grow to monstrous sizes in the Everglades. Tiff is a park ranger trying to save endangered alligators. And, as they say, "hilarity ensues." The ladies have a fight scene in a swamp that sounds like a cross between Joan Collins' climactic moment in Empire of the Ants and her Dynasty fight in the lily pond with Linda Evans! They're going into this project with the right attitude. Tiffany said, "Only in my dreams have I been able to have a catfight with Debbie Gibson ... until now! This is sooo MEGA Cool!"
This leads perfectly into a story about Adrienne Barbeau. After all, back in 1982 she was the romantic lead in Swamp Thing. Adrienne has joined the cast of General Hospital—a soap that enjoys bringing in "name" actors. Barbeau plays a tough cookie named "Suzanna Stanwyck" ( no relation to Barbara, I'm sure ) who runs a charity for children in Italy. Does this mean Adrienne gets to sport an accent? I can dream, can't I?
One '80s diva who has somehow avoided the temptation of swamp movies is Kylie Minogue. The former "Locomotion" gal is a huge star everywhere in the world—except the U.S., where she remains the best-kept secret of the gay community. She showed up at the Glastonbury Music Festival in the U.K. to join the Scissor Sisters for their new song, "Any Which Way." The resulting sound is kinda like a gay version of The Bee Gees—as if that's not redundant! To see Kylie cavort on stage with Jake Shears ( who co-wrote most of Kylie's new CD, All The Lovers ) , head on over to BillyMasters.com .
Our "Ask Billy" question is from Ronald in Salt Lake City: "I just saw A Single Man and fell in love with the guy who played Colin Firth's student. What do you know about him? Is he gay? Do you have nude photos of him? And what was he doing wearing an angora sweater?"
All very good questions. I'll start with the important one—I have no clue why Nicholas Hoult was wearing that angora sweater. It certainly seemed a curious choice to me. But who am I to question Tom Ford? Speaking of Mr. Ford, he hired the sexy 21-year-old to model his line of eyeglasses. Here's a fun fact: Do you remember the movie About A Boy, with Hugh Grant? Hoult was the boy! Since then, he most notably appeared on the U.K. series Skins, where he indeed showed some skin—particularly when he seduced ( and briefly orally pleasured ) the equally delectable Mitch Hewer. We'll post that scene and the one with Mr. Firth on BillyMasters.com . As to your first question, alas, young Nicholas has been linked with women. Yes, a guy wearing an angora sweater and lip gloss could be straight. What would Joan Rivers think of that? It's a world gone mad!
When a hot guy who has made a career playing gay is being outed as straight, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Only a few more days for this trip, and then I'm briefly back to the States. I have to admit I feel incredibly unpatriotic having spent the Fourth of July unfurling my flag with several lads who didn't speak a lick of English ( but were quite talented in the licking department ) . Fireworks, nonetheless, resulted. Maybe I'll post a snap or two from my travels on www.BillyMasters.com . You never know. One thing you can be sure of is that I'm always here for your pressing needs. Just drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Latifah realizes she's not bringing in the 16-year-old boys ( or girls ) . So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
