"I've been thinking about you all day. I'm so proud of you. Happy Birthday, my love."—the father of "Bachelorette" contestant Chris L. I may be hopelessly out of touch, but do fathers call their straight sons "my love"? Or, rather, do straight fathers call their sons "my love"? I know people say "like father, like son"—but do they have to like each other quite so much?
I am thrilled to report that this year's "Broadway Bares" broke its own record, and raised over $1 million for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. Creator and executive producer Jerry Mitchell ( who donned his Indian garb from the first "Broadway Bares" two decades ago—and looked as good as ever ) triumphantly posted "We did it!" on his Facebook page, and went on to thank everyone who gave money—"especially in today's economy." I'm told that the person who brought in the most cash was Reed Kelly ( the hottie linked with Clay Aiken and who one fan described to me as "horse hung"—if you're interested in that kinda detail ) . He raised over $40K—a new record. You can enjoy a bit of the fun by checking out our photos and videos on BillyMasters.com .
A "Broadway Bares" stalwart is our bon ami Christopher Sieber, and his latest gig is quite a departure. He's just been cast in the Cape Playhouse production of Hairspray, where he'll play Edna! Oh, this is a must-see ( July 19-Aug. 7 ) . I've always felt Christopher was a great character actor inside a leading man's body. And his success has shown that to be the case. I'll definitely be checking this out while on Cape Cod.
Of course I'll spend time on the Cape—I never miss a season in Provincetown. And some of my favorite people will be performing in the gay mecca. In addition to the numerous acts coming and going all summer at the Art House, you have a cornucopia of season-long talent. Cashetta, Varla Jean Merman, Miss Richfield 1981, Hedda Lettuce, and the fabulous Randy Roberts will make sure you have a gay ole time. You also have sexy porn star and Broadway triple threat Tom Judson ( aka Gus Mattox ) in his autobiographical turn, Canned Ham. In fact, you get Tom/Gus twice a night—he's also Varla Jean's piano player! Can't do better than that.
Then there's the Crown and Anchor, where a cavalcade of stars constantly drop in. One of my favorites, Sandra Bernhard, will make her annual visit July 24-25. I've often said that Sandi can do it all—she can act, sing, tell jokes, make you think, make you cry and even piss you off. An original through and through.
Once Leslie Jordan rolls up his "Pink Carpet" off-Broadway July 3, he'll be back on the road with a new show, From Whence I Came. It will dock at the Crown July 29-31. By the way, this isn't the end of "My Life On The Pink Carpet." Plans have been announced for a London run in early 2011. Of course, Leslie has an ulterior motive. "This is just a cheap ploy to get an all-expense-paid trip to London, but I am thrilled to be able to share my life story on another continent. Oh, and all those boys with accents!"
Someone started a Facebook campaign to get Leslie Jordan on Dancing with the Stars. Hey, it worked for Betty White, and Leslie is far more feminine and genteel. I called him up to ask if he knew about this: "Of course—I'm thrilled. It would be a dream come true. I was told in the one dancing class I took as a child, 'Mr. Jordan, you must remember that the young lady is the PICTURE, you are but THE FRAME. Well, I want to go on DWTS and be THE PICTURE, NOT THE DAMN FRAME." Take that! I'll link to the campaign on my website.
Do you ever envy those "actors" ( I'm using that term in the loosest sense ) who sport fantastic physiques in films? Well, you ain't alone. Even they are envious ... of themselves! Bradley Cooper revealed that maintaining his "A-Team" bod was impossible: "I shrunk back down two weeks after we finished shooting. It was depressing. I was craving pizza so badly that the night we finished shooting, I ate two arugula and prosciutto pies and a plate of Cherry Garcia ice cream with trail mix on top. And I did it again the next night." He says that like it's a bad thing!
That thespian Katherine Heigl reveals that Ashton Kutcher was a nervous wreck prior to his shirtless scenes in The Killers. Geez, the one thing he has going for him, and he's insecure about it! Heigl said, "He worked hard and he was really nervous going, 'Do I look alright? Do you think I look okay?' It was really endearing and charming." And slightly neurotic, but I'm not sure she'd even notice! Ash's insecurities have now extended to the bedroom. He is completely convinced that he's a disappointment to wife Demi Moore: "I kinda wish that I hadn't let her see the movie because now she expects my body to look like that and it doesn't. You can't maintain that. That's not possible. I disappoint her every evening." She's probably used to that by now.
When actors are admitting their hotness is impossible to maintain, it's definitely time for me to exhale, breathe a sigh of relief and end yet another column. Even overseas with spotty WiFi service, I still managed to eke out a scintillating set of stories. I'm sure posting everything on www.BillyMasters.com will be quite a chore, but you're all worth it. I'm even finding time between all the boys and debauchery to answer your questions. So feel free to drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Leslie is framed by Derek Hough ( who, like most frames, probably enjoys getting nailed against a wall ) ! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
