"Saturday May 8th, I'll be signing stuff from 2-4 at the International Swimming Hall of Fame in Fort Lauderdale. Some one please show up. I don't want to be the only one there. Namaste."—Greg Louganis sends out a message to fans in South Florida. For God's sake, please go and get an autograph. I'm begging you.
I know none of you agrees with me, but I say the elimination of Tim Urban from American Idol is a travesty of epic proportions. Did you see him do a follow-up interview on Letterman? My God, what a talent. The boy oozes all of the raw masculinity of a young kd lang. Surely we haven't seen the last of him.
The biggest mystery about AI didn't happen on the show. It was in the home of one its most vociferous fans—The View co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck. It's no surprise that Lizzy watches AI. But she was watching with her good friend, the newly single Melissa Etheridge. Huh? And to make things more confusing, Elisabeth seems to have cracked that often undecipherable lesbian code in her explanation of the twosome's friendship: "What can I say? She came to my window." And you lesbians out there know what that means...
You might remember the story from February when a male model got arrested for being drunk and told the officer in the patrol car, "I'll suck your dick and balls if you let me go." That didn't work, so he tried it again on the cop who booked him. I'm sure by the time he got into his cell, he had a taker. Anyway, the model's name is Nick Snider and he's a skinny, tall, blond guy who turns up in quite a few Prada eyewear ads. Shortly thereafter, gay porn star Diesel Washington devoted a post to him. He describes Nick this way ( we've got some colorful prose coming up—and that's no reflection on Diesel's mocha muscles ) : "Nick used to be a Slave boy of mine. He lives in NYC upper East side!!! I haven't heard from him in two weeks. Wow! Now finding out that he was arrested, and was trying to get out of the ticket by offering a blow job. That sounds like him. He was a good fuck slut. The boy lives to get fucked, and I have fucked him hundreds of times. Plowing his ass and feeding him cum down his throat. It's a small world." But evidently not a small throat or ass!
At the beginning of April, Diesel was back to posting. He started with an apology: "It was a fucked up post to write my friend, and I do want to say Sorry for writing such a Mean post." Apparently, Nick was angry and Diesel realized that maybe the model industry is more discrete than the porn world. You think? To make it up to Nick, he invited the model to come as his date to the upcoming Grabby Awards in Chicago ( I'd give you more details, but they don't talk to me anymore ) . Nick went shopping with Diesel to try and come up with something appropriate—especially since they both wanted to get some press out of the "date." After Diesel got home, he wanted to get people talking about them, so he Tweeted how he'd be attending the awards with a tragic drunk model, how it would be a train wreck, and everyone should definitely look for them. Need I tell you how this story ends? Nick gets pissed, Diesel says something about "models are more sensitive than porn stars," ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on. Happily, I've got some sizzling pics of the duo—together and separate—which I'll post on BillyMasters.com .
An alleged couple that I don't quite believe is Lance Bass and Kyan Douglas. ( You remember him—the pretty one from Queer Eye who hasn't done anything since. ) Let me clear this one up. The two were spotted at a San Francisco restaurant as part of a larger group of people. At one point, people were circulating, and Lance and Kyan were the only two left at the table. So they were chatting. Big deal. Was it a date? I dunno. One source claims there was some kissing but, you know, there was some kissing with Stamos and Minnelli. In fact, Liza and John probably had more sexual chemistry, but what do I know? You can log onto BillyMasters.com to check out pics of all these odd couples.
Kyan's former TV co-star Carson Kressley will be making what I believe will be his professional stage debut this summer in the Ogunquit Playhouse's production of The Drowsy Chaperone. Carson will play "Man in Chair" opposite Georgia Engel, who will reprise her Broadway role as "Mrs. Tottendale." Congrats!
One of our favorite people, Leslie Jordan, FINALLY got to open his show My Journey Down The Pink Carpet off-Broadway, and it was a smash hit. The show has all the ingredients for a healthy run—a charismatic leading man, a terrific script, good producers ( Lily Tomlin and Jane Wagner ) , a good theatre ( Midtown Theater ) , and reasonably priced tickets. What more could you ask for? He'll even be entertaining the masses throughout Pride Month of June. The show is scheduled to close on July 3rd, but have no fear. A little birdie tells me he'll turn up this summer at Provincetown's Crown and Anchor with his new show, From Whence I Came. For details on all these projects ( and to buy tickets ) , check out his website TheLeslieJordan.com .
Since we're talking theatre, the producer behind the Broadway musical Memphis and the off-Broadway hit Altar Boyz has purchased the rights for a stage adaptation of Dances With Wolves—which will be a musical! Ahh, I can just see it now...
When the key to a successful Broadway show is dancing wolves, it's definitely time to end yet another column. Yes, I can hear your wistful cries—why was there no blind item or "Ask Billy" question. The truth? I didn't get any questions worthy of printing. So, really, whose fault is that? Go to www.BillyMasters.com—you'll surely get some inspiration from my scintillating prose and pics. Then you can dash off a quick letter and send it to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Hasselbeck comes to Rosie's window! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
