"He's kinda sexy. I'd hit that."—Gabourey Sidibe expresses her desire for a bit of Gerard Butler. Gotta give the girl credit—she said it right to his face.
Let's get right to the point—that geschrei you heard at the Academy Awards was Barbra Streisand backstage listening to her introduction. While Babs has often corrected people for mispronouncing her last name ( she loves to say, "It's Streisand—like sand on the beach" ) , I don't believe she's ever had anyone mispronounce her first name. And yet, there she was, hearing some bitch say, "Ladies and gentleman, please welcome two-time Academy Award winner, Barber Streisand"—like she's gonna come out and cut someone's hair! I think at that point, Gina Tuttle ( the aforementioned bitch ) started updating her resume.
The backdrop rises, and Streisand is standing there wearing not one, not two, but three outfits. There's a black dress perfect for a funeral in the old country, a shawl in case Nana Streisand gets chilly and, on top of that, a man's tuxedo jacket. A friend of mine said, "I think she looked good for a 69-year-old woman." I said, "She barely looked good for a 69-year-old man!" But we're not done. Streisand strolls to the front of the stage, gets to the top of three tiny stairs that people have maneuvered all night, and stops. She looks panicked, like she's afraid that she'll slip and break a hip ( not likely with all those layers ) . Of course, usually these things are arranged in advance, but someone skipped rehearsal. People scrambled backstage and tossed out the first guy they found in a tux to lend "Yentl" his arm. And you people wonder why these shows run overtime? It's a battlefield up there!
With Babs out of the way, what about the rest of the show? A predictable bore—and I certainly don't blame the creative team for that. People vote the way they vote, we all knew who would win, and no one was particularly surprised ( except for James Cameron—because, despite what people say in interviews, no one is happy to be beaten by an ex ) . The opening number with Neil Patrick Harris was kinda bizarre and pointless. Rumor has it the song was written for Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin to sing, which at least would have made sense. What little Martin and Baldwin did I found entertaining and left me wishing they did more—and when was the last time anyone said that about the host of an awards show? It should be added that this year's Oscars attracted the largest viewing audience in the past five years. Not bad for a show where the honoree for Best Picture was the lowest-grossing movie to win that award in Oscar history ( adjusting for inflation, the recession and Katrina ) .
Some other random thoughts: Is it just me or does Miley Cyrus look as comfortable in a dress as Wynonna Judd? Sarah Jessica has taught us all that you really shouldn't spray tan less than 48 hours before you're going to be photographed. And while I commend Kathy Ireland for telling us that she wasn't drunk during the pre-show, perhaps it would have done her reputation good to blame that performance on something! I enjoyed the tribute to John Hughes, but where was Emilio Estevez? Did we ever think anyone would ask "Where was Emilio Estevez?" Who would have thought a Helen Reddy song would be played at the Oscars? And when Alec Baldwin said, "And here's the cast of the nominated film Precious, did anyone else think it poor taste to give us a single shot of Gabourey Sidibe?
The gals of Precious all wore blue gowns in honor of Hattie McDaniel, who wore blue when she won her Oscar. Mo'Nique went one further by wearing a gardenia in her hair, as McDaniel did on that historic night 70 years ago.
Barbara Walters' final Oscar special brought in huge ratings for ABC—up roughly 60 percent over last year. After reviewing all of the past specials, Babs said that she had one regret: "In 2000, I pushed Ricky Martin very hard to admit if he was gay or not, and the way he refused to do it made everyone decide that he was. A lot of people say that destroyed his career, and when I think back on it now, I feel it was an inappropriate question." I'd correct Walters and say it was perhaps an inappropriate response.
Rumors abound that "The Hurt Locker" star Jeremy Renner is gay. These rumors stem from four specific things: a ) prior to his acting career, he was a makeup artist, b ) he loves showtunes, c ) he owned property with a male friend and d ) he brought his mother to the Oscars. Honey, if that's all it took, Kevin Spacey would be gay—maybe I should re-think that argument! Anyhoo, the National Enquirer took these items and came up with an eye-catching headline: "Oscar Star's Gay Secret." They even dug up an unnamed former acting coach who said, "I have never had the pleasure of meeting Jeremy's boyfriend, but the fact that Jeremy is gay has never been a primary concern." If ever there was a quote that said absolutely nothing, that's it. Renner doesn't seem eager to deny the allegation. However, he did go out of his way to deny hitting on Jessica Simpson at a pre-Oscar party" "I'm not a ladies man. I'm a working man." Did ya hear him? He's not a ladies man.
When it's more insulting to be accused of hitting on Jessica Simpson than it is to be called gay, it's time to end yet another column. We ran really long, so no time to mention of my upcoming appearances at Jeffrey Sanker's White Party. No time to send you to www.JeffreySanker.com . I barely can remind you that you can get your gossip fix at www.BillyMasters.com . You can write me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before Mo'Nique stars in a big screen adaptation of Beulah! Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
