"I really hate vaginas. I'm allergic to vagina."—Robert Pattinson discusses his Details magazine photoshoot where he had to sit for 12 hours with a number of naked women. While I'm sure I would feel the same way, somehow it sounds different coming from him.
Every once in a while, I feel it's necessary to bring you news from various other facets of the world—for instance, science and history. A recent examination of King Tutankhamen's mummy revealed that the boy king was actually more manly than previously thought. As I was reading the report, one line jumped out at me: "The penis of Tutankhamen, which is no longer attached to the body, is well-developed." See? This column is like a frickin' Nova special!
I have a confession for you—I've never watched a single episode of Jersey Shore. I try to limit my trash intake to shows with some meritorious value—like Celebrity Rehab or Cops. However, I don't live under a rock. I know who these people are, and I know they're morons. Hot morons, but morons nonetheless. DJ Pauly D wants to be known for more than just decoupaging his hair—he wants to give "The Situation" a run for his money in the abs department. That would explain why he's sending around a pic where he's only wearing undies. I'm pleased to report that his envious physique certainly caught my attention. And when there's anything envious about the Jersey Shore cast, it should be time to end yet another column...but not quite yet!
I was recently catching up with one of my favorite people—the enormously talented Leslie Jordan. Last April, Leslie was supposed to bring his acclaimed one-man show, "My Trip Down the Pink Carpet," to New York. Then the economy went south and plans were scrapped. But it takes a helluva lot more than a recession to stop this little dynamo. A year and four days after the originally scheduled opening, the show will turn up at off-Broadway's Midtown Theatre. And he's got a couple of starry names signed on as producers—Lily Tomlin and Jane Wagner. Lily worked with Leslie on the abandoned HBO series 12 Miles Of Bad Road and fell in love with him: "I have seldom spent time working with anyone who so engaged me. What a storyteller!" Wagner adds, "Lily and I saw one of the early showcases and knew at once that we were seeing a performance that we wanted to be a part of in any way possible." It opens April 19 for a limited 12-week run—but when it comes to Leslie, the possibilities are limitless.
Over the years, we've spilt much ink ( and other fluids ) extolling the virtues of model Joseph Sayers. He's one of those rare individuals who looks better the older he gets. The diminutive dude just did a shoot for iSoul Studios without a stitch of clothing. OK, nothing strange about that. He showed off his fantastic physique. Been there, done that, still enjoy seeing it. He even showed a hint of dick. Check. And then—BAM—full frontal, baby! Admittedly, we've seen his penis before. In fact, it looked slightly more impressive in those infamous pics from that Florida motel room prior to his fame ( yes, they're still on our Web site ) . But, I dunno—somehow he looks even hotter now. Maybe it's the professional lighting. Maybe it's the touch of shaving around the base to make it look bigger. ( We all know that trick. ) Maybe it's being the ripe old age of 26! Whatever the reason, you should definitely check them out at BillyMasters.com .
Since we're in the middle of Olympic fever, I thought it would be fun to tackle a male figure skater. Not literally. But in our "Ask Billy" question, which comes from Paul in Rhode Island: "Everyone always assumes male skaters are gay, but is that true? And what about the hot French guy—someone told me he was outed in a magazine."
You're right—the usual assumption is that male skaters are gay. And yet, for something that is a foregone conclusion, very few skaters are actually out. For every Brian Orser there's a Boitano. For every Rudy Galindo there's a Miss Weir. The spandex-clad Frenchman Paul is asking about is Brian Joubert, who is indeed hot. And who was indeed outed. And who indeed sued for slander. And who indeed won. What's fascinating about this story is that the allegations originated with his ex-girlfriend! Oui, oui, there's a twist you didn't see coming! Back in 2005, he began a romantic relationship with Laetitia Bleger, Miss France 2004 ( so she still had that new car smell ) . After they broke up, she said: "I gave everything to Brian, and in return I received nothing. I loved him too quickly. He used my reputation to make people believe that he went out with girls." Well, she said it in French, but it's still a pretty damning statement—especially from a chick wearing a sash! Brian sued Laetitia and the magazines who printed the quote for "breach of privacy"—which doesn't mean he isn't gay ... just that it isn't their place to talk about it. Kinda like a French version of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell". He did win—a paltry 40,000 Euros, which is roughly the price of dinner in Paris. C'est la vie!
The upside pour moi is that I get to run some very hot pics of Joubert on BillyMasters.com . How hot? If you liked him in Lycra, wait till you see him out of it! Yes, mes ami, naked!
When I'm flaunting my laissez-faire attitude, it's definitely time to end yet another column. This one was chock full of body parts, something I clearly specialize in. Which leads to my big announcement. I will be appearing at Jeffrey Sanker's White Party in Palm Springs—not once, but twice. On Friday night, I'll be hosting an underwear contest in the lobby of fabulous Renaissance Palm Spring Hotel. ( The poor place will never be the same. ) And the next night, I will be handling white-carpet arrivals with the fabulous Candis Cayne. Hilarity will undoubtedly ensue. You can get more info ( and tickets ) at www.JeffreySanker.com . But, for the best deal, I recommend going to www.BillyMasters.com, where I never steer you wrong! For your more pressing needs, just drop a note to me at Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before I get to the bottom of King Tut's penis! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
