"I am disappointed, but keeping with my mission of supporting the LGBTQ+ family, any potential or future money made from this sale will be donated to LGBTQ+ organizations." —Jodie Sweetin's response when she found out her new movie, Craft Me a Romance, had been sold to the Great American Family network—a network whose CCO (and Sweetin's former Full House co-star) Candace Cameron Bure has stated "will keep traditional marriage at the core".
As I sat down to write you, an alarm on my phone went off. Today is the 28th anniversary of my very first column. Yes, this is the 1,456th column I have written. Me. Who never liked to write a short essay on the book I read. Of course, that's probably because I never read the book!
I have churned out over two MILLION words. I don't want to get cocky, but if I were being paid by the word, I'd be a wealthy man. Alas, I'm paid by the column, so I'm just a man of average means and above-average experience...translation, I'm poor, but I've been around. Would I trade it all for a few million? You bet your ass. Instead, I've simply had your ass. You're welcome.
The big news this week is that Wayne Brady has come out as "pansexual"—which, if you ask me, is just a pit stop on the way to Gayville. Kinda like how coming out as bi was in the '90s. Brady actually clarified it by calling himself "bisexual—with an open mind." One must admire the skill in his statement, well-crafted by a team of professionals, I'm sure. With such prose as "I'm doing this for me," and "I love all people equally, and now that includes myself"—it's hard to criticize anything. Brady adds, "I was so afraid of having my manhood questioned." I think that ship sailed when he starred in Kinky Boots! Anyway, he's very cautious about the terms he uses. "I don't think I'm 'gay,' but what if I feel something for another man?" What if? As if!
While I'm busy basking in the balmy breezes of Provincetown, I made a belated pilgrimage to see the incomparable Miss Richfield 1981 at the Pilgrim House. This year, she is dispensing "Bad Advice" to capacity crowds. And it's the crowds that make every show different, because Richfield is interacting with them constantly. Yes, there is material, there are stories, there are songs—but the quick-witted Richfield knows how to mine her audience for comedy gold. If you are afraid of being in the spotlight, don't worry. You're in good hands with a pro who not only knows how to deliver, but knows the difference between funny and snarky (unlike moi, who straddles that line as often as many, many men). More info about the delicious debutante can be found at MissRichfield.com . And you can grab your tickets at PilgrimHousePtown.com .
Because I have a hard spot for hot boys, I made a point of catching up with Branden and James at the Post Office Café and Cabaret. This year's show is entitled You Had Me At Cello, a clever play on James' penchant for having large pieces of wood betwixt his legs (Miss Richfield manipulates a far sharper object between her gams). The duo deliver a great show with some fantastic songs and some gorgeous arrangements. Of particular note was a mashup (as the kids say) of "Bésame Mucho" and "Hotel California" which worked beautifully. There's also a very clever melding of live performance and video footage of the couple singing "Chasing Cars" in NYC (their video version can be found on our website). Their chemistry is as sweet as their harmonies, and as musicians, they're smashing. You can check out their schedule on BrandenJames.com . And, as always, check out the full Post Office schedule at PostOfficeCafe.net .
This week's "Ask Billy" question comes from Harry somewhere in Texas (if his e-mail address is to be believed): "What do you know about Hisam on Big Brother? He doesn't seem to mind showing skin."
Hisam Goueli hails from Seattle, where he is a geriatric doctor and a burlesque dancer—quite a combination, n'est çe pas? This is how he described himself when he joined Big Brother: "The person I am today is a confident, gay, Arab, Muslim man, who is basically in love with life and wanting to explore all of its possibilities."
He is married to Roberto, and they have a golden retriever named Evita—of course they do. Hisam is a cancer survivor, having had a tumor removed from his ear canal (which explains his partial loss of hearing). Back to his burlesque dancing, he takes part in an annual event called "Bohemia," which is performed in a scantily clad burlesque fashion.
Not only is Hisam a mainstay of the production, he's also been featured in ads where he shows far more skin than he has on the BB live feed. If it's skin you're after, check out Potato Dreams of America—and, no, I'm not making that up. Nor am I making up that Hisam appears alongside such luminaries as Lea DeLaria, Jonathan Bennett, and Lauren Tewes—you know, Julie from The Love Boat. His character is billed as "Fantasy Husband Cowboy," and he has a rather explicit love scene—which can be seen on BillyMasters.com .
When I'm willing to save a horse by riding a cowboy, we've definitely come to the end of another column.You know what I think? I think it's time for an Anniversary Sale. So while you're reading the column for free (the column is always free), you can see all our bonus features and racy content if you become a member of www.BillyMasters.com —the site that fulfills your every fantasy. Of course, the real me is always available for questions, compliments and canoodling. Simply drop a note to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I'll get back to you before I need a geriatric doctor (right now, I'm doing fine with burlesque dancers). Until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
