"Upon arriving home I'd been horrified to discover that my nether regions were frost nipped...While the ears and cheeks were already healing, the todger wasn't. It was becoming more of an issue by the day."
—As a result of his 2011 trip to the North Pole, Prince Harry reveals he had a frostbitten penis at William and Kate's wedding. I always suspected Middleton was a frosty bitch.
Time for the hottest game in NYC, "Where's Barbara?" The Barbara in question is Barbara Walters. Obviously we all know she's dead. But none of her friends know exactly where she is. According to insiders, friends have been calling funeral parlors all over the tri-state area in order to figure out what the arrangements are. Not only friends, but former colleagues—including people at ABC and, in particular, The View. When the famed Frank E. Campbell facility was contacted, they said (rather bluntly, if you ask me), "We don't have her!" Walters' moody daughter Jackie has remained mum. The supposition is that since she had to share her mother with the world while she was alive, she's keeping the arrangements private. Maybe Barbara's been cryogenically preserved—only to be revived in time to say, "Welcome to 3030!"
FOX's Call Me Kat said farewell to Leslie Jordan in a most imaginative way. In last week's episode, his character, Phil, was sent on vacation with beau Jalen (play by John Griffin). While in Tahiti, the duo decides to open a bakery and relocate. In the final moments of the show, Griffin brought out Leslie's director's chair and the cast gathered around it. Then Mayim Bialik broke the fourth wall and said, "What we've done here is giving Phil a happy ending. What we're really doing is mourning the loss of our friend Leslie Jordan. He is irreplaceable. We all miss him very much. Love. Light. Leslie." While everyone looks sad, Cheyenne Jackson is particularly inconsolable. Then Dolly Parton comes on and sings part of the song "Where the Soul Never Dies," which she and Leslie recorded. She eulogizes him, ending with "I will always love you", as clips of a joyous Jordan play. Classy.
Remember Erick Adame? He was the New York weatherman who was fired after appearing nude on a live webcam feed. During his broadcast, he showed off his privates, gave out his address and phone number, and encouraged men to come by and have their way with him. He added, "I think it'd be hot if my boss saw me. I would love my boss to fuck me on camera." Alas, the only surprise Adame received was to be fired. He defended his actions by saying, "I don't apologize for being sex-positive." Now he says, "I don't want any kind of this attention that I've been receiving." He adds, "I assumed that once I closed my laptop that anything that happened on camera would only exist in memory." Since I just saw a rerun of The Odd Couple, let me point out that you should never "assume"—because you make an ass of u and me. Of course, I don't remember if Erick showed his ass. I'll have to review the footage.
Color me surprised to see someone who was fired back on the air. Last week, Sharon Osbourne was on air saying, "Hello everybody. A happy, happy New Year and welcome to The Talk. But she wasn't sitting next to Sheryl Underwood. She was on The Talk UK! I'm not sure if she'll be a regular on the show or if this will be an occasional spot. But I'm always glad to see Shazza.
In some cheeky music news, Sam Smith recently bared all. They (which is Sam's pronoun of choice) spent the holidays in Thailand and took some racy photos showing off their assets on a boat and in a rocky glade—which sounds painful. Should you be so inclined, float on over to BillyMasters.com to check out the goods.
Openly gay football player Carl Nassib rang in the new year with a hunky new boyfriend. He posted a photo of them on social media, saying: "Kicking off 2023 with my man and a trip to the playoffs." His beau is Soren Dahl, a Danish swimmer who sports that ripped swimmer's build so many claim to have and rarely deliver. Trust me when I say Dahl delivers—which you can also see on our website.
That's a perfect segue into our "Ask Billy" question. Henry from Dallas asks: "What do you know about Britney Spears' husband? I saw some photos of him, and he's got an amazing body. Kinda like a porn star. Any nudes?"
I never gave Sam Asghari much thought —until I got Henry's e-mail. When I did some research, my first thought was, "Yowza!" He certainly does look like he could be a model, an actor or a gay porn star. While I can only confirm two of those professions, I can happily add that he's hung. In some photos Sam swiftly deleted from social media, he clearly shows off his penis in some tight-fitting shorts. They may have disappeared from public view, but can still be seen on BillyMasters.com .
When we're objectifying Britney's beau, we've definitely come to the end of yet another column. There's a whole lot of objectifying going around. That disgraced weatherman even complained about it: "I don't enjoy being humiliated and treated like a sexual object." Rest assured, I do not mind either—as you'll see on www.BillyMasters.com, the site that never complains and never explains. If you have a question, send it to Billy@BillyMasters.com and I promise to get back to you before we discover that Barbara is buried under the Pirates of the Caribbean ride! So, until next time, remember, one man's filth is another man's bible.
