Dear Editor:
While passing the civil-union legislation in Illinois is a step in the right direction, it's not the same as marriage; therefore, we are still not equal.
By the way, the previous statement should not be the first words out of your mouth when your girlfriend calls you and she's so excited she can barely contain herself. I can't even say "same-sex marriage" or "gay marriage" anymore because it only continues to separate us from the rest of society, just like "civil union" does. I fought for acceptance my whole life and was forced to accept my place in society for 46 years, and I'm done. I can't settle for being a second-class citizen who suffers from the lack of rights my family, friends and neighbors enjoy on a daily basis. To me, it isn't just about wills and hospital visits. It's about humanity and equality and the Constitutionyou know, that silly document that reads, "All men are created equal." That is unless, of course, the powers that be decide you're not. Somehow, that phrase is not as self-evident as Thomas Jefferson originally declared it to be.
I'm bothered because by defining this legislation as a "civil union. We are basically being told, "OK, you bugged us enough, so we'll give you this, but you cannot call it what it actually is or we might just take it right back." Should I only travel or move to a small handful of states in order to make sure my newly found "rights" aren't violated? I travel a lot for work and I shouldn't have to worry every time I get on a plane or cross a state line that my soon-to-be betrothed ladyfriend will not be able to visit me or make any decisions about my care if I am injured or disabled.
So, basically, I still have to have a durable power of attorney, a living will, a will, a back-up will, witness statements, photographic evidence of a relationship, copies of joint bank-account records and sworn statements from our families, friends and neighbors to protect us … Oooooh, waitthose documents are ignored all the time by doctors and family members. Where is our protection? The answer is clear.
Yes, we could just call it "marriage" and call it a day, but it's legally not. Yes, it sounds ridiculous to say, "Hi. I'm Chandler and this is my civilly-unioned life partner, Shauna." It would be dumb to put, "Please join us for the civil union of Chandler and Shauna" on the invitations. I want to refer to Shauna as my wife, not my "life partner." We're not Seigfried and Roy, for Pete's sake. You know, if Sarah Palin can change definitions and make words up all the time, we have to be able to convince the rulers of this land and the mostly good people of his country to legally redefine one two-syllable word.
Shauna called me "Debbie Downer" because I didn't jump up and down when I heard the news. I DID answer her phone call by saying, "Hello, future wife," but she initially mistook my lack of excitement for an aversion to marrying her, and that couldn't be further from the truth. I want to marry her, not be civilly united with her. I want to marry her with all the love, joy, excitement and legal protections my sisters had when they married their husbands. I want my wedding, reception, honeymoon and subsequent life with Shauna not to just feel equal, but to actually be equal. I want what they got, period. Nothing more, nothing less...
In the meantime, I'll "register with the state" but the reality is marriage needs to be legally redefined on a national level to include the gays. Then, and only then, will we be equal. We cannot, and should not, ever settle for less.
L.A. Chandler
Second-class citizen
First-class gay
Berkeley, Ill.