from Latino Fan Club
Pubert recruits daredevil Colon Farehole out of the phone booth and into the porn booth to get help with his adult minority report. This S.W.A.T. team will stop bad movies in their tracks and promise a new world through their commentary. So grab your popcorn, your lube and enjoy the ride!
Judging a Porn By Its Cover
Pubert: Foreskin all over the cover. Gets right to the point.
Colon: Looks like clip art on the back. Are those prison photos?
P: This company is known for its amateur filmmaking.
C: The cover boy has a lazy eye.
P: Oh, but he is so cute, in a Popeye kind of way.
Our foray into foreskin begins with a bathroom scene...
P: They just showed a public service message for parents to not do circumcision. What parents are watching this video?!?
C: These guys are black.
P: No, they are blatino, dark latinos, yummy.
C: Someone is getting educated with this video, I guess.
P: Look at that dirty toilet and soap scum everywhere in this bathroom scene. Scrubbing Bubbles or Tilex anyone?
C: He's leaving the shower running while they are messing around. His water bill must be outrageous.
P: He needs to finish showering--no time for a blowjob!
C: No money on sets needed with this video.
P: There are cracks on the floor. He needs to trim that bush.
C: Yeah, a little landscaping wouldn't hurt.
A locker room scene follows.
C: Someone has to sit on that bench later, sir.
P: He just came all over it. He acted like it was painful.
Between scenes, there are blurbs about foreskin and how valuable it is. Then we continue with a warehouse office.
P: Is this an educational video? I feel like I am being schooled.
C: It's an anatomy lesson, for sure.
P: Are they listening to the Miami Sound Machine in the background?
C: It's awkward getting off their clothes. What is the productivity of this workplace?
P: They are 'docking' now. Getting some work done...
C: These guys are so hairy, this borders on bestiality!
P: He looks like he has a wife and kids someplace.
C: And girlfriend on the side.
P: He has a Chinese tattoo.
C: He also has a teardrop. He is a gangster.
The final part of our movie covers three thugs hanging out at their crib, watching straight porn together.
P: They are reviewing porn like us, in a group. Someone's popping a woody.
C: One of them has only one nut. He is uni-balling.
P: This is the quietest three-way that I have ever heard.
C: It's like they are in a library.
P: The camera keeps going out of focus.
C: I feel like I am watching a drug deal.
P: One of them has turkey balls, speaking of balls.
C: They are called low hangers.
P: That is not a pretty angle.
C: He has a hairy ass.
P: The one in the wife-beater is cute. Seems kinda high on something, though.
C: Surprise, surprise. There is a bowl beside them on the table.
P: What is that sound?
C: It is the cheap futon creaking.
P: Oh no, one of them is chewing gum. Where was the director?
After the credits, they post websites to visit to learn more about foreskin.
P: Well, I feel like I learned something today. Sometimes you feel like amateur porn, sometimes you don't.
C: They could have called it Hot Hedge Clippers and trimmed those pubes down!
P: In this Fantastic Fore ( skin ) I saw the Thing, Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Girlfriend, but where was the Human Torch to get me hot?
Pubert: Thumbs down the throat
Colon: Thumbs down the throat
To learn more about foreskin and how it can be protected go to www.foreskin.org or noharm.org or circumstitions.com
Rub our skin the wrong way and buy the video at www.LatinoFanClub.com .
Had enough of websites? Write firstname.lastname@example.org .