Pubert recruits daredevil Colon Farehole out of the phone booth and into the porn booth to get help with his adult minority report. This S.W.A.T. team will stop bad movies in their tracks and promise a new world through their commentary. So grab your popcorn, your lube and enjoy the ride!
Judging a Porn By Its Cover
C: Looks like a big muscle solo video.
P: Everyone is going to the gym for the New Year!
Our first picture of 2007 begins with Brad Patton showering after a hard workout.
P: Hygiene is important after all that pumping iron. Guys never even wash their hands in my gym.
C: Brad looks so gay.
P: He has Colt underwear on!
C: Look at him eyeing the camera. Look who came out to say hello.
P: Now, that's a big one.
C: He almost looks like a Vulcan with his eyebrows plucked so much.
P: That penis is huge. Is it waving at the camera?
C: 'To the left, to the left.'
P: I don't think that is what Beyoncé had in mind.
C: It is so thick.
P: I wonder if I could take it.
C: I am sure you would give it the old college try.
P: He is looking at the mirror now.
C: 'It's so beautiful, I would fuck myself.'
P: The pinnacle of narcissism.
C: That's like an arm! He has a nice ass to boot.
P: I bet he is a stripper somewhere.
C: He works for Colt. I doubt he needs to.
P: He shoots, he scores! Eww, Cottage cheese cum.
C: It's like Elmer's Glue. And he is rubbing it all over himself.
P: He looks better in the shower.
C: It shows him peeing.
P: Some people are into that.
Bachelor number 2 is waking up and taking a dip in his pool.
P: He has been in the sun too long; look how red he is!
C: He just got dressed in a small sweat suit outfit.
P: That is so cheesy. He is not aging well.
C: And he is still out in the sun putting on baby oil.
P: He is cooking out there. Why is he limping?
C: Maybe he injured himself working out.
P: He is on steroids. Check out the horrible Playboy tattoo on his stomach.
Our final contestant is playing in the yard with a sprinkler.
C: Oh to be in L.A. and outside right now.
P: This guy is all about the water and posing.
C: Now he is doing pushups! He is working it out alright.
P: This is such a muscle worship video. I know some of the other 24 Minute Man videos were better than this, skip 25. My birthday is next week. I wish I could skip 37!
Pubert: Thumbs down the throat.
Colon: Thumbs down the throat.
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