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Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2022-08-31



From The Booth: Do Me Evil from Bijou Classics
by Randy Pubert

This article shared 6505 times since Wed Oct 18, 2006
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Pubert schools 'apt pupil' Stephen Kink about the 'dark half' of movies. These 'firestarters' work the 'graveyard shift' to go the extra 'green mile' and give 'IT' a thumbs up or down. So 'stand by me,' grab your popcorn, your dog 'Cujo' and get ready for another sCarrie review, you dirty bird!

Judging a Porn By Its Cover

Pubert: The front looks like an ad for an Afterschool Special.

Stephen: Yes, Robbie Benson in 'Do me Evil, or Boy in the Plastic Dildo'!

P: Ah, the local Bijou video. Made in 1980, how old were we?

There is a guy playing the piano on the intro credits.

S: There are three women watching him play naked. There's a little boy watching also. This is fucked up!

P: Listen to the classical music. It's Mozart. They're playing it throughout the sex scene.

S: The good old days, when they put a camera on something and left it. Two guys fucking on a rug.

P: The music switched and now it is like funky Muzak. Do we really need to listen to elevator music when we watch porn?

S: ( sigh ) Oh, the feathered hair. I loved David Cassidy.

P: He's hanging out with his brother. This video is so controversial and it's from the '80s!

Quote of the movie: 'You gotta split. I got a trick coming over. I don't want him to meet my retarded brother.'

S: Is this Corky from Life Goes On? This movie does for porn what Carrie did for scary movies.

P: That is why I picked it for Halloween month! It is very campy with the dialogue... .

S: A dark figure watching a young buck play with himself - very creepy.

P: 'Gifted chap?' The actor must be British. Is that Jim Broadbent?

S: This is the job we need; jacking off for money. What's the 401k like?

P: The man keeps wiping his brow with a handkerchief. He must be enjoying the show.

S: He's taking his wedding ring off, his watch... is he getting undressed?

P: Now he's masturbating. Let's skip this scene.

Following that trainwreck, we have our male prostitute driving an antique car. He arrives home to find his brother dead.

P: This IS a horror movie!

S: Oh no, they just played the Jaws theme.

P: He takes a walk on the beach to think about how he treated his brother. Mem-oooo-ries.

S: And then he goes and picks up someone on the street and rents a room for the night. Is this the Heart of Chicago Hotel?

P: He's picking up a hefty customer. This is when porn movies had to have some sort of plot.

S: This is scary. We should watch this film at night with popcorn and the lights out!

P: You don't see this in modern porn. Hairy Hole.

S: They get a Brazilian wax down there these days. I don't even want to think about that.

P: All about the shadows in this video.

S: I just love the music! It's like the music to Mannix.

P: This one needs to eat a cookie; I see his hip bones. The hip bone's connected to the thigh bone.

S: There are crazy cuts in this movie, skipping from one thing to the next.

The hustler goes to sell his tricks jewelry at a pawnshop.

S: 'IS this Clout? That means it's stolen!

P: We just saw the best performance by a supporting character in a porn.

S: Yeah, the pawnshop guy is great. The hustler wanted $250 but settled for 20 bucks.

'This is garbage!' says the pawnbroker.

P: What do we say about this video?

S: It's garbage! No, just kidding.

P: The plot is all over the map. There is no beginning and ending to the sex scenes.

S: Once again faced with a movie that we don't know why it is called that title.

Pubert: Thumbs down the throat.

Stephen: Thumbs down the throat.

If you want to get done evil, buy this video from

Stay tuned next week for the Halloween issue and the vampire flick entitled, 'Thirst.'

This article shared 6505 times since Wed Oct 18, 2006
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