In earlier times, the threat to our lives and safety was very real, from an environment which was physically hostile and challenging. That lesson is still imprinted in our minds and hearts. Most of us no longer have to worry about surviving harsh environments and wild animals, but fear has not left our lives.
We manifest what we focus on and believe. If we view a world as harsh and unwelcome, we manifest it and make it real. This is not to say that we should become unaware of our surroundings and wander into dark alleyways at three in the morning, but a focus on fear and the negative serves to co-create elements which will fulfill our beliefs and wishes.
How many times have you made a statement like "I just hate my job. My co-workers are bad or the customers are terrible."? I think we can all guess what will happens—exactly what we hate, as we have focused much energy on it. We become angrier as our belief is manifested in even innocuous statements and actions by "hateful" customers or "worthless" colleagues.
Post HIV diagnosis, a sense of anger and fear can serve to manifest more complications. Beliefs that "my life is now worthless" or "I'm going to die alone" feed on themselves, causing us to fulfill these prophecies. Depression or anxiety can cause additional problems.
So, what do we do?
Just as fear and anger can be manifested through our feelings, so can "good" thoughts. An optimistic look on life can truly lead to positive things happening to you. Friendliness, enthusiasm, being open to meeting new people and experiencing new activities, and refusing to quickly judge and condemn certainly make people more willing to offer assistance and consider you for opportunities.
Fear is a motivator, certainly, but it must not serve as a debilitator. We cannot allow our, sometimes irrational, fears to overtake us and prevent us from living our lives. Fear gives us pause and provides us with protection, but should not be used as a crutch, a weapon or an ongoing excuse.
Discussion of our fears, sharing what scares us, helps us to work through them. Fight your fears and face your doubts, no matter if they are related to HIV, your sexuality or anything else. Fear can be overcome.
Dr. Martha Hernandez is a psychiatrist for Better Existence with HIV ( BEHIV ) . She will occasionally contribute mental-health columns for Windy City Times.