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  NIGHTSPOTS

FROM THE BOOTH
JUDGING A PORN BY ITS COVER
2011-11-23

This article shared 3486 times since Wed Nov 23, 2011
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Horns of Plenty, Part 1

Kristen Bjorn

Starring Carlos Montenegro and Max Exe

Pubert: Can you believe it is Thanksgiving already?

Groeper: I'm ready for my turkey to get stuffed.

P: This cover is as Klassy as porn gets.

G: Look at those amber waves of grain.

Carlos and Marlus take a walk in the country wearing muscle sleeveless, unbuttoned flannels.

P: Wow, just out there in the open he unzips his fly.

G: They're speaking Spanish, they must be in Spain.

P: Carlos is from Argentina.

G: Marlus has big veins on his stomach from exercising.

P: These two don't wear underwear under those jeans.

G: I luv how they strut over to a bench by a woodpile only wearing cowboy boots.

P: That is the 69 of the year!

G: I think I will go shave my pubes like them now.

P: It's never too late to manscape!

G: I think he just started speaking French while cumming. "Oui!"

P: And there's lots of French kissing.

Three studs find a hay bale to climb on.

G: One of them has a bad red dye job in his hair.

P: Flies are all over these guys.

G: That bale looks a little shaky with him balancing on it in boots.

P: This video could be called Muchos Cuernos with all this talk in EspaƱol.

G: These men just explore these historical homes and have sex in them.

P: Kristen caused controversy by filming in Guatemala like that.

Three more turkeys spot each other from a window.

G: It is like Laugh-In with them popping their heads out the windows like that.

P: Everyone has a checkered shirt in this flick.

G: There is a lot of slapping when these three pilgrims get together.

Scenes one and two cum together as the five stars cross paths and walk to some nearby ruins for a rendezvous.

P: They didn't even say hello.

G: Talk about a hookup…

P: Looks like they are bringing the party indoors.

G: I don't think the Plymouth rock-like scenery was conducive to fucking.

P: Yeah, that indoor park bench looks much more comfortable.

G: Bjorn can shoot a five-way like no other director.

P: There are almost too many people. Someone always gets the short end of the stick!

Brazilians Nicos and Renato ride into town on horseback.

G: The Brazilians are cumming, the Brazilians are coming!

P: I think the phrase is "The British are coming."

G: Their straw hats are corny.

P: Kristen has been using that gimmick since his early days of filming porn.

G: Robert is part of a Brazilian double sausage penetration.

P: On top of an Indian saddle blanket no less.

G: Wait, doesn't he know its bad luck to put a hat on a bed?

P: I'm betting he hasn't watched the movie Drugstore Cowboy in Brazil.

David and Alex get down to business right away in a country cottage.

G: That is a weird tattoo on his pelvis.

P: It is a whale?

G: Or a paisley?

P: We could play this game all day.

G: Not much plot in this porn.

P: With eight scenes, this franchise doesn't even need the part two they sent me.

G: There are plenty of horns to go around in this movie!

Pubert: Thumbs up the butt.

Groeper: Thumbs up the butt.

Happy Thanksgiving! For more Bjorn visit www.kristenbjorn.com .


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