Windy City Media Group Frontpage News

THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Pre-order Book!
Pre-order Book!
Donate

Sponsor
Sponsor

  NIGHTSPOTS

FROM THE BOOTH
Home Invasion, Titan Media, A Joe Gage movie
by Randy Pubert & Dick Groeper
2011-04-13

This article shared 2743 times since Wed Apr 13, 2011
facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email


JUDGING A PORN BY ITS COVER

Pubert: I just had my home broken into by my ex-boyfriend this week.

Groeper: Your everyday life is a porn movie.

P: I hope I don't have a flashback watching this.

G: The cover is scary. There is a menacing gun and ass.

P: They might both be loaded

Water splashes on the rocks as we arrive at a remote mansion in the middle of nowhere.

G: This set is so far from civilization.

P: Is there going to be sex on the beach?

G: No, a young man is entering the house because the door was left open.

P: His dad is already tied up by a kidnapper. That's a missed opportunity.

G: Youngster is heading out of the guesthouse.

P: Some Hardy Boy he is; he didn't even see them.

G: Sherlock Holmes is already webcamming at the computer.

P: This video has more in common with me than just a break-in!

G: You used to do that?

P: Before all this writing made me famous.

G: Maybe you should make a sex tape and really get to be famous.

P: I think it would be famously bad!

G: Talk about bad, the acting is extremely bad in this production already.

P: Hardy has no reaction when the intruder is spying on him at the computer.

G: Isn't that weird that he is at his dad's house but just opens the door to a stranger?

P: The kid is putting on the smallest thong ever. It covers nothing.

G: The intruder brought his own skimpy underwear?

P: I smell a set up!

G: That banana hammock barely covers the grapes!

Scene flips back to the father with his captor.

G: More sons are on the way.

P: Funny how there is a panic button conveniently placed by the father's hand under the table.

G: You should have had an alarm in your place when your ex broke in!

P: How much does a panic button cost?

G: Why not just get a whole panic room like Jodie Foster?

P: If Jared Leto breaks in I wouldn't need it!

One of the father's sons finds an intruder in his place.

G: This house is full of thieves in the temple.

P: And full of the worst and most awkward acting in a film that I have seen in a while.

G: The Navy son likes sucking a weenie.

P: So a policeman shows up because of the alarm and papa is forced to make him leave.

G: The father answers the door with his fly open.

P: That's rolling out the red carpet.

G: It doesn't seem like he wants to the prowler caught.

P: His son Toby is the town tramp online.

G: Who talks about their son like that?

P: His penis is pulling the policeman in.

G: Look, there are no curtains on the window.

P: This is the most voyeuristic video ever.

The whole town invades the mansion when everyone wants a piece of Toby.

P: I think Toby is better at sucking than bottoming.

G: Tony topped Toby on a table.

P: The acting and plot were so confusing.

G: There were big, long pauses and uncomfortable acting that left me looking for another invasion.

P: Titan Men is going to have to invade my home if they want me to recommend this flick.

Pubert: Thumbs down the throat.

Groeper: Thumbs down the throat.

Log onto to TitanMen.com for your own Home Invasion.


This article shared 2743 times since Wed Apr 13, 2011
facebook twitter pin it google +1 reddit email





Windy City Media Group does not approve or necessarily agree with the views posted below.
Please do not post letters to the editor here. Please also be civil in your dialogue.
If you need to be mean, just know that the longer you stay on this page, the more you help us.


  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

Black transgender artist Heather Hills releases single, video from Trans Trenderz 2020-11-20
--From a press release - (New York, NY) Electro-pop/rap artist, Heather Hills, has released the new single and video, "Get Dun," on the Trans Trenderz label. "Get Dun" is not for those expecting trauma porn. "I got a cute beat and ...


Gay News

NATIONAL Judicial nominee, stay of execution, revenge porn, Amy Klobuchar 2019-11-05
- A federal appeals court nominee broke down in tears during a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing when confronted with a scathing letter from the American Bar Association (ABA) that deemed him "not qualified," NBC News reported. The ...


Gay News

ART Mike Burton offers unique voice with gay porn thumbnails 2019-10-30
- While most artwork has a deeper meaning, Mike Burton's work offers a unique voice distinct in the Chicago LGBTQ community. A transplant from Wadsworth, Ohio, the 28-year-old Burton moved to Chicago two years ago to fully ...


Gay News

CONCERTS Roselit Bone and Reverse Cowboy; New Pornographers; Charli XCX 2019-10-22
- Alhough the chilly winds and the abundance of pumpkin-flavored coffee-creamer ads on television have signaled the end of summer, the year for queer music is nowhere near winding down. This summer turned out to be the ...


Gay News

WORLD Brazilian video, HIV incidents down, Malaysia's problems 2019-03-12
- Brazil's far-right president, Jair Bolsonaro, has sparked outrage, disgust and ridicule after tweeting a pornographic video in an apparent attempt to hit back at criticism of his administration during this year's carnival ...


Gay News

BENT NIGHTS Panic! at the Disco; The New Pornographers 2018-08-14
- Panic! at the Disco vocalist, multi-instrumentalist and one-man band Brendon Urie (who recently came out as pansexual) looks exactly like what he is—a Las Vegas entertainer in rock-star drag. Despite his fashion-model ...


Gay News

Reports: State rep resigns after revenge porn allegations 2018-08-01
- State Rep. Nick Sauer (R-Libertyville) resigned Aug. 1 after allegations broke that he'd posted intimate photos of his ex-girlfriend, Kate Kelly, on a fake Instagram account, where he additionally engaged in sexually-tinged ...


Gay News

Billy Masters 2018-03-14
- "I'm sorry. I recognized you, but I thought maybe from porn!"—A waiter in a restaurant in Italy to Eric Bana. After telling the story on The Talk, Julie Chen said, "Now we know what he does ...


Gay News

MOVIES HUMP Film festival celebrates amateur sex cinema 2018-02-07
- A porn festival for people who don't like pornography? That's how syndicated sex columnist Dan Savage described the HUMP! Film Festival, a two-day annual event coming to Chicago's Music Box Theater on Feb. 16-17. In a ...


Gay News

HUMP Film festival celebrates amateur sex cinema 2018-01-26
- A porn festival for people who don't like pornography? That's how syndicated sex columnist Dan Savage described the HUMP! Film Festival, a two-day annual event coming to Chicago's Music Box Theater on Feb. 16-17. In a ...


Gay News

Billy Masters 2017-02-15
- Palm Springs, March 2000. I was cast in Ronnie Larsen's new play, Shooting Porn—not to be confused with his hit play Making Porn. Shooting Porn is the stage version of his award-winning documentary, also called Shooting ...


Gay News

Dan Savage, uncensored 2016-04-06
- Dan Savage is many things—columnist, activist, author, "It Gets Better" co-founder and pundit. However, he'll don another hat when he hosts his HUMP Film Festival—which showcases homemade porn—later this week ...


Gay News

Billy Masters 2015-12-02
- "My interest is trannies. I love trannies. I'm attracted to trannies. I don't like no muscle like me."—Formerly straight, now gay, boxer and gay porn star Yusaf Mack proclaims his personal preference. I smell a sequel... ...


Gay News

SCOTTISH PLAY SCOTT Pop porn 2015-07-29
- Out actor Steve Love wasn't originally supposed to star in the world premiere musical comedy Stanley in the Name of Love for The New Colony. Love previously choreographed The New Colony's revised Tupperware musical Plastic Revolution, ...


Gay News

Nightspots photos IML, Memorial Day weekend 2015-05-27
- BIG CHICKS DJ Hifi Sean unboxes the classics for the bears. Photos by Kyle Henderson PROGRESS BAR Fred Says ... that Debbie knows her way around some porn stars. BERLIN Fantastic Plastics. Photos by Jerry Nunn ...


 



Copyright © 2021 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 

 

 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS







Sponsor
Sponsor


 



Donate


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.