Most intimate relationships are challenging because people are complex individuals, especially Black lesbians. How do these relational challenges differ when there's an age-gap of 10-plus-years between lovers? Old butch/stud, young femme—Old femme, young butch/stud; Age shouldn't matter—or should it?
Currently, and by definition, we have four generations interacting, socializing, and creating Black lesbian culture today: Post-War (59 and up), baby-boomers (40 thru 58), Generation-X (26 thru 39), and the Millennium Generation (25 and under). This means that there's a greater chance that you'll be attracted to a sistah from a different generation at some point (especially since Black folks don't show their age). Initially, all will be harmonious, that is until a few weeks into the dating/mating game when age differences arise. If they're really into each other, they'll discuss their differences, and face the challenges that are before them!
The basic differences in these age-gap relationships is the level of life experiences, lessons, and wisdom that each has acquired. Many age-gap couples that I interviewed shared their struggles, like: music differences (Earth Wind & Fire or Jay Z), social outings (go out on weekends or stay at home and play cards), parenting strategies (whip-their-butts or put them on time out), attire (old school dress up or trendy hip-hop gear), sex (too much or not enough); the list goes on.
The biggest challenge for me has always been food; the younger sistahs that I've dated were all into fast food and sit-down restaurants up to four times a week, I've always enjoyed home cooking—it tastes better. Plus, I'm fast food challenged; it makes my belly grow.
A femme, who's 25 years older than her stud lover, summed up her challenges this way, 'I just have to be patient with her and give a bit more than I normally would because I love her. I also have to let her go out when she gets antsy, because I'd have to choke her if I forced her to stay home.' On the other side, a stud (13 years younger than her lover) says, 'I had to acknowledge to myself that she's been there, seen it, and done it, and I'm just beginning. It wasn't easy, but I had to give her credit for having wisdom to advise and help me, I lowered my cocky pride.'
And from an older stud, 'Most femmes, my age, act too old for me which is probably the reason I'm attracted to younger femmes.'
All seemed to be quite comfortable in their relationships, and had conformed to each other's rhythm. The extra challenges of dating out of their generation just seem to sweeten each relationship. It's not robbing the cradle or having a sugar mamma or daddy in lesbian culture, it's wimyn-loving-wimyn. Communication, compromise, and a strong desire to be together are key to any successful relationship. If your personality fits with that of your older or younger lover, age shouldn't matter —only if you let it ... . Peace.
Vickyism@aol.com
