Windy City Media Group Frontpage News


home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor



BLACKLINES: Does Age Matter?
by Vicky Nabors

This article shared 4131 times since Sat May 1, 2004
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email

Most intimate relationships are challenging because people are complex individuals, especially Black lesbians. How do these relational challenges differ when there's an age-gap of 10-plus-years between lovers? Old butch/stud, young femme—Old femme, young butch/stud; Age shouldn't matter—or should it?

Currently, and by definition, we have four generations interacting, socializing, and creating Black lesbian culture today: Post-War (59 and up), baby-boomers (40 thru 58), Generation-X (26 thru 39), and the Millennium Generation (25 and under). This means that there's a greater chance that you'll be attracted to a sistah from a different generation at some point (especially since Black folks don't show their age). Initially, all will be harmonious, that is until a few weeks into the dating/mating game when age differences arise. If they're really into each other, they'll discuss their differences, and face the challenges that are before them!

The basic differences in these age-gap relationships is the level of life experiences, lessons, and wisdom that each has acquired. Many age-gap couples that I interviewed shared their struggles, like: music differences (Earth Wind & Fire or Jay Z), social outings (go out on weekends or stay at home and play cards), parenting strategies (whip-their-butts or put them on time out), attire (old school dress up or trendy hip-hop gear), sex (too much or not enough); the list goes on.

The biggest challenge for me has always been food; the younger sistahs that I've dated were all into fast food and sit-down restaurants up to four times a week, I've always enjoyed home cooking—it tastes better. Plus, I'm fast food challenged; it makes my belly grow.

A femme, who's 25 years older than her stud lover, summed up her challenges this way, 'I just have to be patient with her and give a bit more than I normally would because I love her. I also have to let her go out when she gets antsy, because I'd have to choke her if I forced her to stay home.' On the other side, a stud (13 years younger than her lover) says, 'I had to acknowledge to myself that she's been there, seen it, and done it, and I'm just beginning. It wasn't easy, but I had to give her credit for having wisdom to advise and help me, I lowered my cocky pride.'

And from an older stud, 'Most femmes, my age, act too old for me which is probably the reason I'm attracted to younger femmes.'

All seemed to be quite comfortable in their relationships, and had conformed to each other's rhythm. The extra challenges of dating out of their generation just seem to sweeten each relationship. It's not robbing the cradle or having a sugar mamma or daddy in lesbian culture, it's wimyn-loving-wimyn. Communication, compromise, and a strong desire to be together are key to any successful relationship. If your personality fits with that of your older or younger lover, age shouldn't matter —only if you let it ... . Peace.

This article shared 4131 times since Sat May 1, 2004
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email

Windy City Media Group does not approve or necessarily agree with the views posted below.
Please do not post letters to the editor here. Please also be civil in your dialogue.
If you need to be mean, just know that the longer you stay on this page, the more you help us.

Copyright © 2021 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives. Single copies of back issues in print form are
available for $4 per issue, older than one month for $6 if available,
by check to the mailing address listed below.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.
All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transegender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.








About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots      OUT! Guide     
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam      Outguide Categories      Outguide Advertisers      Search Outguide      Travel      Dining Out      Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.