I admit it: I'm crazy for duct tape. I have been ever since I was 11, and that cute Jose Castillo tied me up when we were playing 'Cops & Robbers.' I was impressed. No matter how hard I struggled, I couldn't get loose. As a novice bondage fanatic, the feeling was sheer bliss. From that point, I knew duct tape was the way to go and I had to get some.
Twenty five years have passed, and like any true love, the passion has remained. If I meet a guy I hit it off with, I'll think: 'He's cute, sweet, funny …' but what I'm really thinking is: 'Does he own any duct tape, and would he like to tie me up with it?'
Or, I'll be having serious conversations with my friends about the slow and tedious process of radical gay culture turning into a tacky, overpriced fashion statement. In the back of my head, I'll be thinking: 'Where can I get some of that extra large three-inch-wide duct tape I saw in that art supply store in Tampa, back in 1997 and haven't seen it anywhere since ...?'
Other questions persist as well. Who invented duct tape? Were they a big ol' perv like me, or just an everyday Joe or Jane working in a lab? Are they still alive? If the inventor is a man, would he like a blow job as a show of my appreciation? Why is duct tape silver? And, Why don't they make rolls of fancy, decorative colors as lengthy as the standard silver ones? I mean, several times now, I've been half way through an elaborate bondage scene, trying something decorative and artistic in bright yellow, when the roll runs out, and I have to finish in silver. I'm not the most fashion-conscious gay man on the planet, but even I know that yellow and silver don't go together.
And, I wonder about other things as well. How many people have avoided being stranded in the desert with broken radiator hoses, because of duct tape? How many zillions of things have stayed off the junk heap a little longer because of it? Most importantly, what I really want to know is: how did drag queens used to tuck away their business before duct tape?
I'd love to go on talking, but I see my boyfriend has returned from Home Depot with a fresh roll of Contractor-Grade-Good-Stuff and is slipping into that starched white nurse's outfit he likes so well.
See ya.
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