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with you in 4/4
by Peter Mavrik

This article shared 1524 times since Wed Feb 15, 2006
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HE GRAMMY REPORT: Someone let the air out of the Grammy's this year. Gone are the days of innovative performances and big production numbers. Lately it seems that clever pairings that sound good on paper translate to lackluster performances on the small screen. But I watched it all anyway, so it's time to dish.

MOST BORING PERFORMANCE: Madonna and Gorillaz. So what if she walked behind a cartoon, she then pranced off to do the same rendition of 'Hung Up' we've all seen six times now. I was hoping for Madonna to shine, but she didn't do anything new. Pity.

DRUNKEST CELEB: Paula Abdul on the Grammy Pre-Show with the folks at ET. I swear she was tanked. Or maybe that was fresh botox. *hiccup*

FASTEST SPEECH: Alison Krauss and Union Station winning the Best Country Album. She said thanks and walked off the stage. I suppose when this is Grammy number fourteen, you probably have little left to say.

CELEB THAT SHOULD HAVE STAYED HOME: Paul McCartney. Will someone please get him a portable oxygen tank? He looks like he's about to fall over.

MOST GENUINE CELEB: Kelly Clarkson had runny eyeliner during Grammy win number one, and the most beautiful glow during Grammy win number two. She was humble and enchanting.

BEST DRESSED LADIES: Jenna Elfman was stunning in her strapless gown. And the trio of Destiny's Child looked gorgeous. Actually, so did Christina Aguilera.

WORST PERFORMANCE: Halftime At The Grammys? What the f#$k was that about? It was so painful. There's seven minutes of my life I'll never get back. Kanye, stop thinking so damn hard.

MOST IN NEED OF SOME QUEER EYE: Keith Lionel Urban it's the goddamn Grammy awards. Buy a jacket, fix your hair, and shave.

WORST HAIR, MEN: Bruce Springsteen, Bono ( lose those glasses too ) , Tom Hanks ( did you SEE him in profile *shudder* ) , and Paul McCartney.

WORST HAIR, WOMEN: Faith Hill, Queen Latifah, and Teri Hatcher, who looked like she just finished mud wrestling. I'm sure the hair was awful all around because all the hair fags are in NYC for Fashion Week. Tsk, tsk.

WORST DRESS: A tie between Sheryl Crow's bosom-stealing rib-enhancing gown and Gwen Stefani's watch-out-for-that-tree L.A.M.B. creation.

STRANGEST OUTFITS: Queen Latifah's tire around the middle was odd. But Sly Stone took the cake with his bleach-blonde mohawk and lizard-back jacket. Where the hell did he get to so fast. One minute there, another gone.

COMMERCIAL WRAPUP: I loved the Desperate Housewives-esque commercial with Bree and Edie for 7-up. But the marble rolling around in the maxi-pad immediately following it was a mystery to me. Do girls put marbles in their...oh never mind. And how about that Scarlett Johansson looking VERY Pris from Blade Runner in that horribly colorful makeup commercial, the same one with Beyonce looking very Gia.

BEST PERFORMANCE: Mariah owned every one of those sky high notes during 'Fly Like A Bird.' She deserves all three Grammys she received.

With you in 4/4,

Peter Mavrik

This article shared 1524 times since Wed Feb 15, 2006
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