Happy Holidays! At press I will just have finished my fourth year in a row of A Christmas Carol and will now be heading south for a much needed vacation! Oh, yes, warm weather for New Year's! We plan on spending it with some dear friends, lots of wine, and the sound of the surf crashing on the sand! I hope all of you have a very safe, yet wild New Year! Here are some of my thoughts for a Happy New Year! So Strap This On:
My Top Ten Thoughts for a Happy New Year
10 ) Don't waste time with stupid people. When someone says or does something stupid, just walk away. Use the ringer on your cell phone to fake a phone call or just ask where the bathroom is. Don't come back.
9 ) Ring in the New Year the right way. I always enjoy having sex New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. It's a great way to end the year and begin the new one.
8 ) Exercise more. This can easily be solved by having more sex. If you need more high level aerobic exercise, do what I do - take off your clothes as you run up the stairs and watch her run after you. This way you're both getting that needed exercise.
7 ) Keep a flask of wine with you. Red wine in a coke bottle looks surprisingly like flat coke.
6 ) Wear the vibrating egg. Turn it on everytime someone annoys you. You'll be amazed at how satisfied you feel at the end of the day.
5 ) Keep your favorite foods on hand all year round. Don't save them for the holidays. Of course, like everything, enjoy it in moderation. Wine doesn't count unless you can't afford it or have a drinking problem.
4 ) Try not to take things so seriously. Kiss someone new, do it now, think later. But please do use a condom or a dental dam. Otherwise, let loose. A naked swim in the Gulf is on my agenda.
3 ) Have more fun. Do less work. I struggle with this every year. I know we all have bills but we have to enjoy that money somewhat or we'll go crazier than we are now. Personally, I believe we need to just spend more money. If the government doesn't have to pay it back, why should I?
2 ) When in doubt, grab someone's breasts when you're talking to them. Make sure you're not in a workplace. Sexual harassment can be a tedious process.
1 ) Remember the Democrats are coming ( and coming and coming ) ! Let's hope the change is fair and swift!
I can be reached at StrapThisOn@aol.com