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pretzel logic
by David J. Magdziarz

This article shared 1638 times since Wed Sep 26, 2007
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oad trip - part two! This column is the fifth, and last, in a series of columns about my most recent trip to Gulfport, Mississippi to help my friend Mike and his partner Christian move from the Gulf Coast to Rockford, IL. The last column went from Gulfport to northern Mississippi, while this one gets us all the way back to the land of Lincoln.

Size Matters

There is a Long Creek is Mississippi.

How Do You Make A Hick A-Holler?

Throw Him In The Creek

Speaking Of Hollering And Ending Up In A Body Of Moving Water

The bridge that crosses the Mississippi River between Memphis, TN and West Memphis, AK, was under construction when we crossed it. It was down to one lane each way, with no center median to separate the east and west-bound lanes. The bridge is also probably a good thirty ( or more ) feet high at that point, which made it a real joy to be on, especially when one of the dozens of semis were going past, and even more so since we were in a 28-foot rental truck, and all the more so because the guard rails along the side of the bridge did not look as if they would rate any higher than 'flimsy.'

There's a Hickahola Creek as well.

Jesus Was A Top

Billboard near Jericho, Arkansas: 'Jesus - Is He in you?'

Size Really Does Matter

At least the sign didn't read: 'Jesus, are you in me?'

There Really Wasn't A Whole Hell Of A Lot Blythe About It

In a scene out of an Alfred Hitchcock movie, as Mike and I were just outside of Blytheville, AK in the moving truck ( Christian and his friend Michelle were following behind us in a car ) a crop duster was in his low-flying plane making his run in a big loop. This took him, in part, over the highway, and for what seemed like minutes his plane looked like it was about to get up close and personal with the truck. Then, at the last moment, it pulled up and away, and did I ever mention that I really can't stand motherfuckin' crop dusters?

Life Is Slow There…

There's a town called Cooter, AK. Cooter is a term used in the South for certain types of turtles.

I Wonder, Do They Brag About Their Connection To Faeries And Queens?

The town of Braggadocio, MO, was named after a character in Edmund Spencer's 16th Century epic poem The Faerie Queen.

As Far As I Know There Isn't A Kyuba, MO

But there is a Hayti, Missouri.

The French Quarter Or A Missouri Nickel?

There is a New Orleans Inn in Portageville, MO.

Better Late Than Never

We passed the Missouri Welcome Center, which was just outside Marston, MO, which is about 40 miles inside the state.

For Those Times When You Don't Want Jesus Inside You

St. James Bayou, MO.

No, It's Not A Suburb of That Faerie Queen Town

Fruitland, MO.

Cruisin' Down The Road

There's a street called Meramec Bottom Road in St. Louis, MO.

Tires And Bow Ties

Shortly after passing from Missouri into Illinois, I saw a sign for the Paul Simon Highway that was complete with an illustration of a bow tie, as worn by the late Senator of that name, but not by the singer.

I Wonder If They Have A Laverne Avenue?

Shirley, IL is southwest of Bloomington.

Boners At Shabbona

There is a Chief Shabbona Forest Preserve in Illinois.

That Would Have Put The 'Hard' Back Into Hard Rock

There is a WZOK-FM radio station in Rockford, but I have to admit that when I first heard the call letters I was sure the announcer said 'WCOK.'

If you ever had Jesus in you at the Shabbona Forest Preserve, please e-mail me at and tell me all about it.

This article shared 1638 times since Wed Sep 26, 2007
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