As we all know there are holidays, and then there are the BIG THREE holidays. And since it's obviously not Thanksgiving or Christmas, it can only mean one thing: it's IML weekend! To celebrate, you can either sing leather carols ( if there were such a thing ) , or read this Pretzel Logic look back at IML 2006.
You Are What You Read
At the Brown Elephant Resale Shop's annual porn sale last IML weekend somebody somehow sneaked the following vintage cowboy and/or leather-related porn... I mean 'literary classics' magazines into my basket ( shopping basket, that is ) : 'Lust For The Thrust,' 'Wild Wild West,' 'David and His Friends Vol. 6: David in Action,' and the one that really violated my rights to privacy 'David and His Friends Vol. 3: David Goes Cowboy.'
Hey, That Guy Stole My T-Shirt!
T-shirt slogan seen in the lobby of the Palmer House one evening amidst all the 'activity' that is the official hotel lobby of IML weekend: 'Real Men Fuck With Their Boots On.'
No, Really! That's SUCH A Funny Shirt!
T-shirt slogan seen at the IML Leather Mart: SARCASM: It Beats Killing People.'
Oops, Sorry! I Didn't Realize You Meant 'Peanuts'
Sign posted in front of a bowl of nuts at the Leather Creations booth at the Leather Mart: 'Would you like to eat my nuts here, or would you rather take them to your room?'
Smile, You're On Candid Camera
Comment I overheard while walking to the men's room at the Palmer House Sunday evening during IML weekend ( where a security camera was aimed down the hallway leading to it ) : 'I would like to see the film from that camera last night!'
Least Favorite Sight Seen At The IML Lobby Last IML Weekend
Beat Me Up, Scotty!
Comment overheard by a guy having a bad time at the 2005 IML Leather Mart: 'I feel like I'm at a Star Trek convention.'
The Fireman Was Red Hot
At some point during last year's Leather Mart there was a guy dressed up in leather dog gear licking the ass of a guy dressed as a fireman, while a guy dressed as a cowboy was sucking his hose.
The Heartbreak Of Being Typecast
No, in fact I was NOT the guy dressed up as a cowboy who was mentioned in the above item. Thankyouverygoddamnedmuch!
I'll Bet The Fucker Who Lost Them Is Going To Really Be Pissed!
Items I saw that someone had lost on the floor of the Leather Mart: a navy blue hankie and a yellow hankie.
Least Favorite Sight Seen At The IML Lobby Last IML Weekend # 2
A guy in Capri pants, sandals and a feather boa.
I really liked the guy in the leather Royal Canadian Mountie uniform.
They Make A Nice Change Of Pace From The Typical Bitch Faggots
For sale at one booth at last year's Leather Mart: birch faggots.
Fuck You! OK, You!
Item I bought... I mean 'item for sale' at last year's Leather Mart: the 'Fukuoku ™ Five Finger Massage Glove.'
Least Favorite Sight Seen At The IML Lobby Last IML Weekend # 3
The drag queen in the Wonder Woman outfit.
What Happens At IML Stays At IML ( And Also At The Howard Brown Health Clinic Two Weeks After IML, When The Symptoms Just Won't Go Away )
T-shirt slogan seen in the Palmer House lobby during IML weekend: 'I did WHAT last night?'
Don't Ask, Don't Tell
Patch on a uniform shirt seen on some guy last IML: 'If I have to explain you would not understand.'
Least Favorite Sight Seen At The IML Lobby Last IML Weekend #4
Some reaaaaaaaally tall guy in a leather vest, who also had some reaaaaaaaally bad '70s hair.
If you are a Royal Canadian Mounted Leather Policeman, you can e-mail me at PretzelLogicDave@aol.com .
If you are a reaaaaaaaally tall guy in a leather vest, who also had some reaaaaaaaally bad '70s hair, sorry my e-mail is not working.