Are you: A ) A homosexual?, B ) Not living under a rock and/or Liza Minnelli left tit?, or C ) Not one of those pretentious fucks who claims not to own a television? Yes, you say? Well then, you've come to the right column. Welcome to the Project Runway finale! Whereas I'm sure there are myriad other events going on in the next week, I care about none of them; all my excitement is channeled directly into agonizing over Michael's questionable evening wear choices and trying to guess which crazy print Uli will pull out of her ass next. And I suspect I'm not alone...
At least four people agree with me. All you have to do is look at the cover this week: Joey from Crew doing a mean Heidi, Jason from Pink Magazine boozing it up as Michael and Mr. John Stein of Hydrate as their innocent victim. It's a gay man's paradise, that Bravo network!
So for the next two Wednesdays, the 11th and the 18th, Crew and Hydrate are definitely the places to be. Hydrate offers $5 Absolut, Stoli, Xellent and Specialty martinis all night during the show, and follows it up with the ever-popular Hy-Drag Revue featuring Mimi Marks and Tajma Hall on the 11th, and Tajma, TeriYaki and Monica Munro on the 18th. Crew features runway shows after the show each week featuring underwear by designer George Melichar. On the 18th, you can win your own personalized pair and that night's show will be hosted by Ms. Klum herself. Tragic.
The fourth, if you are keeping count, is my new friend Jennifer Rozenberg, owner and proprietor of Hip Fit, the un-self-consciously edgy clothing boutique on Foster. Check out page 18 for tips on how you can update your tired ass at her shop, a la the remaining Runway contestants.
Elsewhere on Earth, you must climb the steps up into Mary's Attic, the new bar above Hamburger Mary's. George and Oskar were hot to jump into bed together, tie-dyed legs did kick numbers from behind black curtains and siblings gleefully shot at ducks in the corner. You may think I was on the acid trip of my life, but indeed all these things transpired in one brief visit.
At Berlin I was licked by Jackie O. Tongues from beyond the grave!!!
Touché afforded me a well-needed nighttrip into the land of kink for the Mr. Midwest Rubber contest. Jeff doesn't need much coaxing to spank a white ass, I see. Congratulations to the winner, who will go on to Mr. International Rubber in November.
Versage Productions is the newest lesbian party to-do. Would you like to do it with them? They are at Temptations regularly. For more, see www.myspace.com/versageproductions.com .