Windy City Media Group Frontpage News

THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

home search facebook twitter join
Gay News Sponsor Windy City Times 2023-12-13
DOWNLOAD ISSUE
Donate

Sponsor
Sponsor
Sponsor

  NIGHTSPOTS

dateland
by Jennifer Parello
2007-11-07

This article shared 2562 times since Wed Nov 7, 2007
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email


I'm not certain why Lucy asked me out because everything I did seemed to irritate her. The only reason I decided to go out with her was because I enjoyed irritating her.

On our first date, she ordered me to pick her up at her office at a specific time. 'Don't be late,' she commanded in the no-nonsense message she left on my voicemail the night before. 'I've made reservations at a white-table-cloth restaurant.'

'What's a white-table-cloth restaurant?' I asked my spiritual and dating advisor, Robert, after I played the message for him. During my fertile dating periods, we'd spend hours at work analyzing messages left by prospective love interests.

'It's a restaurant that has white tablecloths,' he said with a yawn. 'Instead of the gnarled, graffitied bare picnic tables you're used to eating at.'

'She referred to herself twice in the third person the last time we talked. Do you think that's a red flag?' I asked.

'I think she's one big red flag. Here's my prediction: She'll bully you into ordering something you don't like and she'll spend the evening questioning your career choices. But all that aggression will disappear in the boudoir. She'll be completely passive and needy and you'll have to reassure her constantly. But, she makes a lot of money, so you'd might as well get a free dinner out of her.'

True to Robert's prediction, the dinner was a miserable experience. Lucy treated me like a hostile witness, and battered me with intimidating questions about my romantic and professional history that left me feeling guilty and defensive. And then she insisted on ordering for us.

I'm a good sport when it comes to dining out. I never whine about the restaurant choice and I always manage to find something I like on the menu. Lucy had chosen a sushi restaurant for our date. I do not eat anything that still has enough life left in it to bite me back. So, I ordered edamame and California rolls.

Lucy issued a wave of dismissal and told the waiter to bring us a fish whose name suggested that it spent its miserable life wallowing in muck before it was plucked from the shallows and rolled in a bit of rice. It arrived, still quivering with what seemed to be a pulse.

'I won't eat that,' I said, pushing the plate away from me.

'Oh, yes you will,' she said, sounding way too much like the rage-filled mother of my childhood nemesis, who demanded that the kids in the neighborhood call her 'Hoot.'

'No, I won't,' I said. Then I began humming a Sinatra song quietly, knowing that Lucy hated Sinatra. ( What kind of fool hates Sinatra? )

We spent the rest of the meal arguing over whether I'd eat the raw thing squirming its way across the table. The argument continued on the cab ride back to her home, an impressive brownstone bought on the backs of the oppressed she brutalized in her role as a corporate attorney. She commanded me to follow her inside to continue the argument and pounced on me as soon as we stepped inside.

'Be gentle with me,' she whimpered, as I cursed silently, knowing there was no way she'd allow me to sneak out early the next morning.

This mystery series follows my dating adventures over one damp autumn. If you can guess which woman I end up, I'll send you a fabulous prize. Register your guess-and find new clues-at www.jenniferparello.com

For the first two installments of this Dateland Mystery, go to www.jenniferparello.com .


This article shared 2562 times since Wed Nov 7, 2007
facebook twitter google +1 reddit email

Out and Aging
Presented By

  ARTICLES YOU MIGHT LIKE

Gay News

COBRAH slithers into Chicago and brings Feminine Energy 2024-03-08
- COBRAH snaked her way into Thalia Hall, 1807 S. Allport St., for two nights March 7 and 8 for her Succubus Tour. This Swedish-born talent has a way with naughty words and ...


Gay News

Asians and Friends welcomes the Year of the Dragon 2024-02-26
- On the evening of Feb. 25, Asians and Friends kicked off the Lunar New Year with their annual dinner and celebration at Pho Viet Vietnamese Restaurant. This year's event was focused on this being the Year ...


Gay News

Looking back at Chicago LGBTQ+ community's stand against Anheuser-Busch 2024-01-30
- As conservatives across the country boycotted Anheuser-Busch products for Bud Light's partnership with trans woman Dylan Mulvaney in 2023, LGBTQ+ bars in Chicago removed their products for a different reason. Following the deeply negative response to ...


Gay News

Berlin Nightclub closes after nearly 40 years, following boycott 2023-11-21
Decades of Photo Archives below - After nearly forty years, Berlin Nightclub, 954 W. Belmont Ave., officially closed its doors Nov. 19 following a months-long fight between its owners and unionized workers. Owners Jim Schuman and Jo Webster officially announced Berlin Nightclub's ...


Gay News

Happy Hail-loween: Rough weather doesn't get the better of Haunted Halsted revelers 2023-11-03
- The 26th annual Haunted Halsted Halloween Parade returned for the 26th time on Oct. 31. Attendees were challenged by a mix of rain, snow and hail as they marched down Halsted Street from Belmont Avenue towards ...


Gay News

Berlin Nightclub workers urge customers to boycott as they fight for fair contract 2023-10-31
- Berlin Nightclub workers are calling for people to boycott the LGBTQ+ club while they push for their first contract, which they hope will include increased wages and access to healthcare. Berlin Nightclub workers unionized in April ...


Gay News

MIR's Intergalactic Rubber celebration soars to a suburb not too far way 2023-10-27
Photos by Joseph Stevens - Mister International Rubber (MIR) 27, this year themed as Intergalactic Rubber, took off Oct. 19-22 from their new location at the DoubleTree Hotel by Hilton in Skokie. MIR26 Pusckatt Pumera Onyx stepped down and passed their ...


Gay News

GAY HISTORY MONTH In the '60s, drag found a home in San Francisco's Glen Park 2023-10-02
- Special to Windy City Times. To mark Gay History Month, this article appears courtesy of the Bay Area Reporter. During the '60s most LGBTQ nightlife in San Francisco was centered in the northern neighborhoods of the ...


Gay News

Nobody's Darling celebrates expansion into adjoining property with soft opening event 2023-09-24
- In the little over two years since its opening, Nobody's Darling in Andersonville has emerged as one of the premiere inclusive spaces to gather in Chicago. Nobody's Darling has become so successful that co-owners Angela Barnes ...


Gay News

Chicago musician, producer and DJ Don Crescendo killed in Avondale stabbing 2023-09-20
- Chicago's LGBTQ+ nightlife community and allies have rallied around the family and close friends of local longtime musician, producer and DJ Rodney Donovan Taylor, a.k.a. Don Crescendo, in the wake of his death by stabbing last ...


Gay News

MUSIC Kylie Minogue to debut Vegas residency this fall 2023-07-28
- The Venetian Resort Las Vegas revealed details surrounding its new 1,000-seat nightlife space, Voltaire, with the announcement of its first headliner—pop sensation and LGBTQ+ ally Kylie Minogue, a press release ...


Gay News

Bears, cubs and their admirers return for Illinois Bear Contest 2023-04-11
- Visitors and Chicagoans gathered at Charlies Chicago, 3726 N. Broadway, on April 7 to kick off the Illinois Bear Contest weekend, the first since 2019. The contest itself took place the following evening at Leather Archives ...


Gay News

SHOWBIZ Trans musicians, NHL, 'Queen Charlotte,' Jinkx Monsoon, Anderson Cooper 2023-04-08
- The Face published an article about five trans musicians who should be on people's playlists. British queer nightlife legend Mya Mehmi said that those musicians include New York's Ms Boogie, London-based Harve, Arca, Ms. Carrie Stacks ...


Gay News

Winners chosen in the International Puppy and Trainer Contest 2023-04-03
- The International Puppy & Trainer Contest was held in Chicago the weekend of March 31 to April 2 for the first time since 2019. The contest's Meet & Greet was held at Cellblock on March 31. The contest was hosted the ...


Gay News

PASSAGES: Visual artist, Chicago nightlife scene drag performer legend and hairdresser Jojo Baby 2023-03-16
- Visual artist, Chicago nightlife scene drag performer legend, doll-maker and hairdresser Jojo Baby died March 14 of liver, lung and stomach cancer. They were 51. Baby was born April 10, 1971, in Chicago and grew up ...


 


Copyright © 2024 Windy City Media Group. All rights reserved.
Reprint by permission only. PDFs for back issues are downloadable from
our online archives.

Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and
photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no
responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials.

All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago
Gay and Lesbian News and Feature Publication) will be treated
as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such,
subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the
columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are
their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots
(Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay,
Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature Publication).

The appearance of a name, image or photo of a person or group in
Nightspots (Chicago GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times
(a Chicago Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender News and Feature
Publication) does not indicate the sexual orientation of such
individuals or groups. While we encourage readers to support the
advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots (Chicago
GLBT Nightlife News) and Windy City Times (a Chicago Gay, Lesbian
News and Feature Publication) cannot accept responsibility for
any advertising claims or promotions.

 
 

TRENDINGBREAKINGPHOTOS







Sponsor
Sponsor


 



Donate


About WCMG      Contact Us      Online Front  Page      Windy City  Times      Nightspots
Identity      BLACKlines      En La Vida      Archives      Advanced Search     
Windy City Queercast      Queercast Archives     
Press  Releases      Join WCMG  Email List      Email Blast      Blogs     
Upcoming Events      Todays Events      Ongoing Events      Bar Guide      Community Groups      In Memoriam     
Privacy Policy     

Windy City Media Group publishes Windy City Times,
The Bi-Weekly Voice of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Community.
5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640-2113 • PH (773) 871-7610 • FAX (773) 871-7609.