I love Market Days weekend and look forward to it every year. This year as I walked through the crowds, I was reminded of someone I met in college who I haven't thought about in years. I went to a large university where I was co-chair of our queer group. Every year the student government would hold elections, and those campaigning would make their rounds with the student organizations. Of everyone who came throughout the years, only one pair sticks out in my mind. They arrived one night as planned. They approached me together and introduced themselves. They were both large men but while one seemed outgoing, confident and dominated the conversation, the other was quiet and seemed visibly uncomfortable. I tried to listen as the first guy spoke about his campaign but I was distracted by the quiet guy's appearance.
While the talkative guy was dressed nicely with a button-down shirt and tie, the quiet one was wearing a playboy shirt. Splayed across his chest was the silhouette of a naked woman. I thought to myself, "What kind of person wears a shirt like this on the campaign route? Sure, we were in college but I would have expected a polo shirt in the very least, but this?" The only reason why this guy would have chosen to wear this shirt to our meeting was because he wanted to make sure we all knew he was straight.
"I'm sorry," I said, interrupting the guy talking. Then, I looked at the quiet one and said, "That's an interesting shirt to wear today." He didn't respond. "Wanted to make sure everyone knew you were straight?" He looked uncomfortable and said, "No, this is just what I was wearing today." I just looked at him for a second and said, "Really? You weren't afraid of some gay guy hitting on you tonight?" Of course he was. I could tell by how uncomfortable he was being there that he did not like gays. Maybe he didn't mind us if we weren't around but we were a little to close for comfort that night. This guy had come to a gay meeting as an ally looking for our support with a big "I'M STRAIGHT" SIGN. That's not the kind of ally I'm looking for.
Recently at Northalsted Market Days I saw these same allies. They appear at various gay functions to show their support with clear signs on them as to not be confused for queer. As I squeezed my way through the crowds on Halsted, I noticed a shirt that read, "I'm not gay but my friends are." I wondered to myself if she had made that shirt that morning thinking, "This will show my support." Or, did she make that shirt thinking, "Now swarms of lesbians won't be hitting on me all day." Later I saw several women wearing stickers that said, "I heart f**king men." These stickers were being passed out as an advertisement for a current play although I'm pretty sure very few people who wore the sticker knew what it was referring to. This sticker was being worn as a form a gay pride by a lot of the men at the street festival which was fun and appropriate. When the straight women wore the sticker, the meaning was co opted into another "I'M STRAIGHT" sign. If this were a bunch of straight guys walking around Market Days with stickers that read, "I heart F**cking women," there would be a problem.
I know what you're thinking: "We need allies. We should be happy they're here to support us." I agree, but real allies do not care about being mistaken for queer because it's not offensive. We need more allies like Johnny Galecki who, when asked about rumors that he was gay responded, "I've never really addressed those rumors because I always figured, why defend yourself against something that's not offensive." Bravo. Johnny Galecki, you get my vote for ally of the year. Even Oprah, who mostly ignores the rumors about Gayle and her, said, "The truth is, if we were gay, we would tell you, because there's nothing wrong with being gay." Thank you, Oprah. I'm so tired of celebrities getting so huffy-puffy about being called gay by the media. Getting angry only perpetuates the idea that being gay is bad and should be offensive. I personally don't think it's offensive so when people make an effort to make sure they are not mistaken for gay, I get offended.
If you are wearing a straight shirt, sticker or sign at a gay pride event, you are not 100-percent OK with gay people. If you think you are wearing it to show your own straight pride, turn on the TV, go outside and take a look around—straight pride day is every day. Give us our measly couple of days a year. If you think flagging straight is going to keep you from getting hit on, you've got a surprise coming. It is human nature to want what you can't have. When I go to straight bars I don't wear a big sign that I'm a lesbian. When men hit on me, I'm flattered. I don't get bothered; I just continue my evening.
As a queer community we need to strive not only to nurture and strengthen ourselves but also our allies who are often at our sides. We experience battle after battle both politically and emotionally and we need strong supporters. Sometimes, though, we need to set the bar a bit higher.
Bridget D Strathman is a lesbian artist, traveler and vegan. Currently living in the Windy City with her twin cats, she works tirelessly for a non-profit.
