My partner, Michael, and I are members of the 18K club, the group of roughly 18,000 same-sex couples the California Supreme Court allowed to remain married in its ruling supporting Proposition 8, but that same ruling made the 18K club one of the world's most exclusive. No one else gets in.
While we are thrilled that California continues to recognize our 26-year relationship, the exclusion of others from marriage is infuriating and the unequal treatment we experience outside the state means our marriage is beset with disappointments.
Our relationship goes unrecognized in most places, including the state of Illinois, where we now live. That means we still need to carry powers of attorney so we will not have to experience the tragedy suffered by Lisa Pond who was kept from the bedside of her dying partner by a Florida hospital.
When we think about buying a house, we have to consider whether one of us will lose it to diminished income and estate taxes if the other dies, since the federal government does not grant same-sex spouses Social Security survivor benefits or the estate tax breaks enjoyed by opposite-sex spouses. While the Defense of Marriage Acts remains on the books, we will be reminded every April 15 that we are not "Married Filing Jointly," but "Single," bachelors in the eyes of the IRS.
This is not equality, but promising signs abound. Same-sex marriage is no longer considered a lefty or fringe issue, but now falls dead-center in American political discourse. In an April, 2009 CBS News poll, just 28% of respondents indicated that same-sex relationships do not deserve legal recognition. Forty-two percent supported marriage equality while 25% preferred civil unions. An argument in favor of same-sex marriage is nearly as likely to be found in the pages of the New York Times, Newsweek, or Time Magazine as in the Windy City Times.
At this writing, same-sex marriages are or shortly will be officially recognized in Connecticut, Iowa, Maine, Massachusetts and Vermont. New Hampshire may follow in June, and New Jersey and New York are on the cusp. President Obama has promised to oppose DOMA, and even Republican presidential hopeful, Utah Governor and practicing Mormon Jon M. Huntsman supports federally recognized civil unions. While the civil unions favored by Huntsman and President Obama fall short of marriage equality, they do grant most or all of the legal benefits of marriage to same-sex spouses.
Yet the history of the movement for LGBT equality and other movements for civil rights has shown that promises made are not necessarily promises kept. Despite our community's enthusiastic support for the Obama campaign, the administration has not moved quickly to advance LGBT civil rights and has made no public effort to lead Congress to rescind DOMA or create the promised federally recognized civil unions. The extraordinary economic challenges faced by the Obama administration have bought them some patience, but as time passes, it grows harder to see the president's inaction on our issues as anything but politically expedient foot-dragging.
At first glance, the decline of LGBT print media that has accelerated during the last five years can give the impression that our voices have been muted, and the profusion of new online modes of activism that are often ad hoc and short-lived can be read as a sign that the movement for LGBT civil rights has been weakened by fragmentation. Those first impressions are wrong.
While the number and reach of publications that depend on ink on paper is declining, our voices are amplified by the growth of electronic publications and social networks. Towleroad.com, queerty.com, dailykos.com, about.com, Facebook and Myspace groups, and Twitter feeds are just a few of the new communications channels LGBT people are using to broadcast our concerns and opinions. In addition to Web sites for print media, such as www.windycitymediagroup.com .
Traditional activist organizations like the Human Rights Campaign, National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, National Center for Lesbian Rights, Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund and dozens of others continue to fight for marriage equality, but ad hoc meet-ups organized through social networks, viral videos, blog posts, short-lived single-issue Web sites and other electronic forms of spontaneous and often instantaneous activism are growing in number and importance.
The profusion of new opportunities to be heard and new opportunities to organize empowers each of us to take action. Whether you are inclined to post on DailyKos, organize a meetup through a social network, create a youtube video or send a check to the National Center for Lesbian Rights, please use the tool that fits you to demand that the president make good on his promises to fight for LGBT civil rights, rescind DOMA, and provide federal benefits to same-sex spouses.
Wik Wikholm is the publisher of glbtq.com, the world's largest encyclopedia of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer culture.
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