She just wants to play the game she loves, basketball. She wants to grab rebounds, thanks to her height (6-foot-6) advantage while playing center. She wants to score points when given the chance, with an experience edge over opponents and teammates.
Gabrielle Ludwig, wearing No. 42 on her uniform, plays for the Mission College women's basketball team, a community college in California that has been garnering national, if not international, headlines since her debut for the Saints in December. She was also featured on Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel on HBO March 19.
Ludwig is a Navy veteran who served in Desert Storm. Ludwig is a parent of three daughters, with a partner (Theresa Foakes) of two years. Ludwig's story—which includes a suicide attempt years ago and two failed heterosexual marriages—seems to have come from Hollywood, but, in reality, is taking place on the Mission campus in Santa Clara, in the heart of the Silicon Valley.
Ludwig, 51, is an imposing on-court figure, with multiple tattoos, playing with and against others who usually range in age from 18 to 21.
"I see a very rich, rewarding and complete life," Ludwig said, reflecting. "How many 51 year-olds get to go back to college and play basketball again? How many 51 year-olds could have played basketball as a guy and as a woman at the college level? And my military service in the Navy. As I look back, all I say is, 'Wow, what a ride.'"
Ludwig is a transsexual, simply interested in shooting hoops, raising a family, helping trouble youth and trying to avoid the grips of Father Time.
"Many people have commented that I have an advantage over the women that I play against and, yeah, I'm in pretty good shape, but, I have absolutely no advantage, other than my height. I probably have to work three times harder than they do—hey, I'm 51 years-old," Ludwig said. "Just getting back into basketball shape has brought aches and pains to muscles I didn't even know I had. But it's keeping me healthy and happy, and I'm able to contribute to the team.
"Playing with these younger women has been an eye-opener in so many different ways." Heck, just the pre-game music that her teammates prefer, hip-hop, is new to Ludwig because that's never been her genre of choice.
"I think the biggest thing is, having lived as a man for so many years, then all of a sudden to be on a team of all women, the whole mindset is so much different than when I was a man playing basketball. It's been a wonderful, wonderful experience—and I hope it continues for a long, long time, as long as my body holds up," said Ludwig, eligible to play for Mission next season, too, and then, she hopes, move on in the world of women's basketball.
"I remember when I tried out for the team, running up and down the court was very, very difficult. I was extremely winded," she said. "Over time, I have earned the respect of my teammates. And I've done that by proving I can play basketball, and more."
But despite her positive impact on the team, which includes the support of her teammates, coaches and the school as a whole, her presence has raised a few eyebrows—from opponents, opposing fans, and even some mainstream media.
Steve Czaban and Andy Pollin were temporarily suspended in December from hosting their sports radio talk show on ESPN 980 in Washington, D.C., after mocking Ludwig on air. They said on-air that transgender people should not be allowed to play sports, and referred to her as "he/she" and as "it ... I think 'it' is the politically correct term."
Cyd Zeigler, of Outsports.com, said Czaban and Pollin "featured one of the nastiest, most anti-transgender rants I've ever heard."
Helen Carroll, from the National Center for Lesbian Rights, told Outsports.com: "The horrific comments by ESPN Radio's Steve Czaban and Andy Pollin show a level of disrespect and harmful rhetoric that is inexcusable. They called Gabrielle Ludwig 'it.' This and their entire transphobic rant shows a level of ignorance and just plain meanness that I try to stay away from. Unfortunately, the many transgender sports participants I have had the privilege to work with are not shielded from hateful people such as Steve Czaban and Andy Pollin."
ESPN 980 issued a statement after suspending the two. "We strongly believe two of our employees crossed the line when discussing a transsexual person on their program. Such intolerance and insensitivity will never be tolerated by this company. Due to the nature of their conversation, the pair [has] been temporarily removed from ESPN980's Sports Reporter program."
Zeigler said, "there [was] simply no legitimate reaction the station could possibly have [taken] but to suspend everyone involved." He tagged their on-air comments as "disgusting, of the highest order, meant to demean another human being who has broken no rules and no laws."
Zeigler said Czaban and Pollin "are a disgrace to their profession."
Czaban and Pollin issued a 10-second on-air apology for calling Ludwig "it."
"It was among the least sincere non-apologies in history," Zeigler said. "The only things they're really sorry for [is], being caught. I'm sure they were rolling their eyes with every word of their non-apology."
Ludwig said the ESPN Radio comments were a slam-dunk personal attack.
"I was not expecting such a gigantic media barrage [from my Mission debut]. I figured it would just be a quick, short story, and everyone would just go on with life," she said. "Unfortunately those two idiots from ESPN Radio, Steve and Andy … I can't begin to tell you how humiliated I was, how hurt I was [by their comments].
"As my father said, no one can take anything away from you—unless you let them. So I'm not letting anyone take anything away from me, let alone my pride. I just found a way to deal with it, keep my head up high and keep playing basketball. My teammates have been affected by this, too.
"I did not [return to college basketball] for attention; I did this for the love of the game."
The ESPN TV station wanted to air a one-hour story about Ludwig, but she rejected their request based on the hurtful comments made by the announcers on the ESPN Radio show.
"Maybe they should have gotten a little more [of a penalty] than two days on the beach and a slap on the wrist?!" Ludwig said. "Had [the announcers] called me and said, 'We made a mistake and we're sorry,' I think I would have accepted that."
But they didn't.
"What they said is a constant reminder of how cruel people can be," Ludwig said. "I work a full-time job, carry 12 units [in college], work hard on the basketball court, raise my kids, coach a [youth basketball] team, run a nonprofit youth basketball program, and just lead the day to day life with all that comes at you.
"Their [on-air] comments have made things really tough.
"After hearing [their comments], all I thought was, 'Who are they to pass judgment; they don't even know me. I also thought back to my military career, when I defended this country; what were they doing then, where were they?"
Ludwig said, despite their suspension, she hasn't forgotten, can't forget. In fact, she admits she's, "had some crazy dreams about the things they said."
She added: "Time heals all wounds, and I won't let anyone take away my pride, so I'll just give it time and then it'll be fine. But the damage is irreversible at this point. Time will heal my wounds, not the comments that they made."
On The Court
The Saints' season started in early November and the regular-season slate—which features games against San Jose City College, Hartnell College and De Anza College, among others—runs through late February, followed by playoffs.
Ludwig—despite the controversy, or perhaps because of it—is focused, on and off the court.
"I've thought, what can I bring to the table to help transgender youth. I'm all about kids; I love kids, have three of my own. All a parent wants to do is, see their kids succeed in life. Me too," Ludwig said.
She often talks to students of all ages, especially now so they can hear directly from a college athlete who has endured hardships and overcome. "I can tell people, regardless if they are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, it's OK that you feel this way; it doesn't matter what the world is telling you—be yourself and be proud of who you are and know that you can reach for the stars. Hey, if I can do it at age 51, you can do it, too," she said.
"I play hard under the basket, fight hard for rebounds. I consider myself someone who has learned to be aggressive, has learned to be a team player, truly try to be cohesive with my teammates. I'm trying to be the best teammate I can be, contributing good, hard defense, [plus] communication on the court.
"If they allow me, I definitely can be a mentor to them, mainly because I've lived [about 30 more years than them.] More than anything, I don't want [my teammates] to dwell on the fact that I'm trans. What I want them to see is, here's a 51 year-old woman busting her butt and, if she can do it, I can do it. That's the way I see it."
Added Christina Kahrl, of Chicago, a trans sportswriter: "What Gabrielle Ludwig is doing is not simply inspiring to trans folk everywhere, it's a reflection on what's best about sports: Their ability to bring people together. Beyond just her willingness to play, her bravery in the face of some horrible reactions and even worse comments is every bit as inspiring."
