Through my work at BEHIV, I help address the profound experiences of my patients. While the specific issues they face are unique to them personally, one need to address brings all of them to me—life after an HIV diagnosis.
So many people who were diagnosed in the '80s and '90s went home to die. They waited for death, and watched as others left them behind—either from the effects of the virus or complications of the medications used to treat them.
Many left jobs due to the side effects of the illness and medication. Some went on spending sprees, because there was no tomorrow and they were living for today. As a result, they now receive Social Security or disability payments and are not working. Some are living in subsidized housing and believe they will lead a solitary life, without a partner, because of their status.
Death didn't come for them. Paradoxically, that has lead to depression. They prepared themselves to die, not for living.
The questions today are many. Now what? What do I do? Where do I live? How do I fill my days and months and life to come?
I propose that instead of depressed thoughts over what was, let's look at what is and what can be.
After the experience of living and waiting for death, all relationships are different. All perspectives on life have changed and the way you can appreciate life in the now and every day will be forever altered. This doesn't mean things will be better, or worse, but different and new.
There is a wealth of brilliant minds and experience waiting to be tapped and utilized. Some of my patients worked for banks, hedge funds, airlines, newspapers, or were artists, writers or restaurant owners. They are the most important examples of renewable resources, just waiting to be productive again. Renew rather than lament. It is a simple statement, but not always easy to live by.
We can teach each other about living in the now. Organize and brainstorm the talents available to you to start your new career. Seek out and recruit talent that can make your organization or business better. Volunteer, educate, learn, employ.
People must realize that by not dying, they have been given the opportunity to lead another life, maybe even a completely different life than the one they had before their diagnosis. A second chance at living is a miraculous opportunity.
The old routine may never be the same again, but the possibilities are endless.
Dr. Martha Hernandez is a psychiatrist for Better Existence with HIV ( BEHIV ) . She will occasionally contribute mental-health columns for Windy City Times.
Author photo by Frank Failing of Male Image Photography