Talk about your highs and lows. Thom Bierdz experienced the former when the eyes of millions were upon him during his stint as Philip Chancellor on the daytime soap opera The Young and the Restless. However, he has also dealt with the latter because of two particularly brutal episodes. First, in 1989, his youngest brother Troy killed his mother with a baseball bat and 'was on the loose and probably coming for me,' according to an interview Bierdz conducted with The Advocate. The second incident involved the 2000 suicide of another brother, Craig.
However, Bierdz's life is again on the upswing, despite those devastating setbacks. Now out, he has discovered a new life as an artist, creating works that have been snapped up by celebrities and displayed in galleries across the country. Bierdz, who will be hosting 'Celebration of Life: Remember Their NAMES Gala' Nov. 11, recently discussed his brothers, his art and his sexuality.
Windy City Times: How does a guy from Kenosha, Wis., end up in Hollywood?
Thom Bierdz: Well, a little boy has dreams—and especially a gay boy; a gay boy wants to go where he's accepted. So no matter what I wanted to become, I would've gone to the big city, where there's more tolerance and acceptance for being gay.
WCT: So you could've seen yourself in Chicago?
TB: Oh, yeah. I like Chicago very much. It's a crazy city to drive around in, though; it's got the scariest drivers I've seen. [ Laughs. ]
WCT: Were you always interested in art and drama?
TB: I've always been interested in art. I was very much an introvert, so I painted all through school. As a kid, I had my crayons, watercolors and my Lite Brite toy. I've always painted, but I never thought that it would be a profession. I wanted to do the acting—but it's certainly not who I am; it's very hard for me to do that. I ended up painting as therapy. People noticed and that's become the focus of my career and I couldn't be happier. That's more of who I am organically.
WCT: A lot of people obviously know you as Philip Chancellor. What were the best and worst aspects of being an actor?
TB: The best things were the love and support I felt from so many fans. I would go to shopping malls around the country and get paid several thousand dollars to sign autographs; there would be hundreds or even thousands of people. That was such an ego trip for a boy from Wisconsin who really needed to feel support and love. The worst part is that I didn't feel comfortable to say 'Hey, I'm gay.' They didn't know exactly who I was.
WCT: Would you ever return to acting?
TB: I would only do so to promote my art. Not many artists get that opportunity.
WCT: I want to talk about your brother, Troy. First, why did you feel that he was coming after you after he killed your mother?
TB: Before [ the incident ] , Troy sent me letters and pictures saying that he wanted to torture and kill me. In his satanic diary, he wrote about how he wanted to kill all gays. He made it clear that he hated me and wanted me dead. I don't think he understood the psychology behind all of his hate. If you knew how close we were, it would just be astounding.
WCT: So is he still homophobic?
TB: Well, I've brought several boyfriends to the prison visiting room to see Troy—and he's been pretty accepting. However, when I bring up homosexuality in prison, he doesn't talk about that.
WCT: What is it like visiting him now? Are things still awkward?
TB: Oh, no; they're not awkward at all. I probably enjoy spending more time with him than with anyone else. With him, there's no game or agenda. He's a very simple man in a very small mind. We talk, play and read books. It's all about what's happening in that moment. I believe that anyone who kills does so because he feels powerless. I think George Bush kills other countries and terrorists kill us because they all feel powerless. I think [ Craig ] killed himself and that [ Troy ] killed our mother because they felt powerless.
Seventy percent of boys who commit matricide never feel remorse; they feel so overpowered that they need that release. My mother was very loving but [ my brother ] felt suffocated for some reason. When I talk with him, I never make him feel powerless—even though, as a black belt, he could kill me. He doesn't go there; I don't think he would hurt anyone right now. I think prison is the best place for him. ... Right now ... he's in a good place to manage his schizophrenia.
WCT: What about Craig's suicide?
TB: There were questions about his death. However, there are no answers when a suicide is involved. When someone kills himself, he takes his own answer. It's very painful.
WCT: Craig's death was a turning point for you, wasn't it? At that point, I believe you came out.
TB: Yes. It was a scary time for me. I was so nervous that I had to invent characters just to get out of the house. It then became important for me to be honest—and, ultimately, more comfortable. Coming out helped my sanity. There are an awful lot of people in the industry who don't come out and I believe that hurts them.
WCT: What inspires your art?
TB: Some of the pieces that get the most attention are the ones that just involve the release of my feelings. ... For example, I'll see a green square in a corner and if I try to do something else but I'll keep seeing that square—so I'll have to [ paint ] it. A lot of times when I finish painting, I stand back and I realize 'Wow. This means this and that means that.' It's expressionism—and people really respond to that. What's interesting is that the older I get, the more people will tell me I'm an artist—and not necessarily in a good way. You hear things like, 'You don't understand because you're an artist.'
'Celebration of Life: Remember Their NAMES Gala' will take place Nov. 11 at Resolution Digital Studios, 2201 W. Fulton. ( The headliner will be singer Taylor Dayne. ) See www.namesprojectchicago.org .
Info on Thom: www.thombierdz.com .
