THE VOICE OF CHICAGO'S GAY, LESBIAN, BI, TRANS AND QUEER COMMUNITY SINCE 1985

Part 11. The Real Laura ( cont'd. )

Jack Adams, the Secret Service agent charged with assassinating President George W. Bush and being held for psychiatric evaluation, is telling about his ongoing affections for his high school sweetheart Laura Welch, who later became Laura Bush. In this scene Jack is telling the psychiatrist about his being sent to Paris, the first of two fateful trips abroad with the First Lady that revealed to him just how unhappy she was. He starts with Paris.

'Who is your best friend, Jack?'

I froze for a moment. I didn't like her turning the spotlight on me. I was perfectly content to let her talk about herself. She was beautiful standing there in the high-ceilinged Presidential Suite with the city of Paris and the Eiffel Tower behind her.

Who was my best friend? I didn't have any friends. I didn't socialize with anyone except Quincy and Abbie, my kids.

'My best friend? I guess it would be my son, Quincy.'

That brought a deafening silence to the room. She sat on the sofa's edge and leaned toward my chair. 'Your son? Really?'

I nodded.

'Your son is your best friend. I can't imagine it.'

'Why not? You're probably your girls' best friend. Probably Jenna's.'

Her eyes squinted a bit and darkened. 'Jack,' she said with disappointment.

'What? You probably are and don't know it.'

'First of all, they are each other's best friends and that's stretching it. If anyone is their friend it's their grandmother, and I'd call her more their protector than their friend.'

Then, without warning, her head fell forward and she burst into tears. I found a box of tissues and placed one in her hand. She took it without looking up and I sat down next to her with the box in my lap.

'I'm sorry,' she said, wiping at her eyes, then blowing her nose a little.

'Shall I leave?'

'No, no, please don't. I'm all right.'

We sat for a few minutes without saying anything, her staring into space and me staring at her. I wanted to take her in my arms and tell her everything would be all right.

She turned her face toward me and took my hand. 'I'm sorry, Jack.'

'It's all right. I just don't like seeing you so upset. We won't talk about our kids anymore.'

'It's not that. It's everything. I've made so many wrong choices. And now there's no turning back. I don't know if I can go on like this and yet I don't know how to change it.'

'Change what?'

'My life. Your life. The future.'

'My life?'

'Isn't there some cognac around here?' she said. 'This is Paris, for God's sake. There must be cognac.'

It was the perfect remark and we laughed nervously. I got up and found a bottle of B&B in the bar, which I brought with two snifters. 'I knew,' she said after I poured the drinks.

'Knew what?'

'I was such a little bitch in those days.'

'If you're talking about Dallas.'

'Dallas, Midland, Houston. Hell, Robert E. Lee. I knew you had a crush on me. I thought it would go away, and when it didn't I just used it to play with you. I was cruel.'

'No you weren't, not really.'

'I was cruel to you. And now I'm the one paying the price for it. Isn't that the supreme irony? Isn't that poetic justice? You were nothing but nice to me and I tortured you; now I'm the one trapped. I did this to myself, Jack.'

'Did what? Your life is….'

'My life is a prison, for Christ's sake. Let's not pretend. Not here when it's just the two of us and we finally have a chance to talk freely. Let's take this one opportunity to be honest.'

'Laura….'

She smiled at my use of her name and as soon as I heard it come out of my mouth I blushed.

'Finally,' she said.

'Look, it was a million years ago. We're all grown up and we have adult responsibilities now. We have to make the best of it.'

She stood abruptly, turning first to the left, then right, as if she were going to storm out of the room or rush to the French doors and fling herself from the balcony. Finally, she sat down, deflated. 'I don't want to make the best of it. I want out.'

Follow this 44-part serialized book in Windy City Times for the next several months. See www.WindycityMediaGroup.com for past columns.