Lieutenant Jim Dangle________
Arkansas-born and -bred Lieutenant Jim Dangle ( or 'LT,' as he prefers to be called ) , has become familiar to fans of the show in which he stars, Reno 911, which has aired for four seasons on Comedy Central. Now, the openly gay LT—complete with his blonde highlights, signature short shorts and the rest of his bumbling fellow police officers—has traveled to Miami ( for a police convention ) . The group's adventures, as can be expected, were so inadvertently hilarious and so superb an example of political and sexual incorrectness, that the results are being released in a movie, titled Reno 911: Miami ( in theaters Feb. 23 ) .
'LT' took time out to send an oral Valentine's Day card to readers of Windy City Times via the following interview in between updating his MySpace page ( www.MySpace.com/butterscotchjockey ) , and sewing his kilt for Reno 911 crew's impending visit to Scotland.
Windy City Times: Exactly, how many pairs of those short shorts do you own and do you sew them all yourself?
Lt. Jim Dangle: [ in a distinctive southern accent ] : Yes, I sew every pair myself. Right now, I got about three in rotation and here's the problem. When you dry-clean something that small it becomes…well, I'm rapidly approaching infinity small.
WCT: That was pretty obvious on that screen.
LT: Yes, I know. It's getting tighter and tighter and tighter. Pretty soon, it's just going to look like I spray-painted 'em on and, honestly, in Florida I would have been better off.
WCT: And that would have been the place to do that, although I have to say that the candy jockstrap was a special touch.
LT: Richard, I would like to point out that if it were a candy jockstrap it would've had two straps that went across the back lower part of the butt cheek. It was actually a candy G-string that went up my Donner Pass and then around the front.
WCT: Thank you. Good correction. You know, I can tell you that my readership is chock full of those short shorts-wearer types.
LT: Good. We're a growing community.
WCT: What exactly, these particular readers of ours might want to know, will it take to get Lt. Dangle out of those short shorts? What do you look for when you're looking for somebody?
LT: Here's the thing: I'm not too finicky but I do like a Pacific Islander-type fellow, generally the color of a latte and generally under 6'1'; 6' deuce, do not apply.
WCT: Once you go there, you…
LT: You never go back. Literally, the Pacific Islands are hard to get to on earth and hard to get back from emotionally.
WCT: Was it kind of like Nirvana for you to go to the sheriff's academy for police training?
LT: It's a remarkably easy program—the Reno Sheriff's Academy. It's about six and a half weeks. One week is all field trips, we had Arbor Day off, we had a bunch of days off and then the last whole week you just watch cop movies and, then, if you can do 25 push-ups and a couple of squat thrusts you're good.
WCT: What's your favorite cop movie, LT?
LT: I'm going to go, let's see, ( sings a little bit of the C.H.I.P.S. theme music ) …
WCT: There's a lot to choose from—so many cops, so little time…
LT: Let me think, let me think, let me think. Okay, I'm going to go with Chicago. There is some law enforcement in it I would like to point out. People mostly say it's a Fosse vehicle, but it's definitely got law enforcement in it.
WCT: Richard Gere as the D.A. That's right. Now this is starting to make sense. You know, I don't mean to pry but…
LT: That's exactly why I'm here. I'm here to be pried.
WCT: Thank you—I'm glad you said it. You know, aside from the obvious—getting to wear the tight uniform that shows off—
LT: Oh I 'don't get.' It's not that I 'get;' it's an honor.
WCT: That's what made you want to become a police officer—it was a calling?
LT: Well, they took away my real estate license and that's what made me want to become a police officer and, while the pay is the same as working at Arby's, you get to carry a gun. [ When ] the people who are getting paid the same as me at Arby's [ are ] getting attacked, they're unarmed.
WCT: So a favorite fellow officer in the Reno department there? Just trying to leave your sexual proclivities out of this for a second.
LT: Basing that on say, smell?
WCT: You absolutely could.
LT: Deputy Jones, the big Black guy ( about six-feet-one or six-feet-two, to be exact ) .
WCT: Okay, now adding in your sexual proclivity.
LT: [ Without hesitation ] Jones, the big Black guy—because he both smells good and [ is ] real, real sexy. You know, I've often had a daydream and sometimes an asleep dream where me and him do a version of Big River. Do you know what I'm talking about?
WCT: Well, sure, the musical. You've got a show-tune queen here.
LT: Have you seen 'Zumanity' [ the Cirque du Soleil show ] ?
WCT: I have not.
LT: It's like that. That's my version of it. We're body-painted on a raft singing, 'Oh look out for me, muddy water, your mysteries are deep and wide.'
WCT: You know you obviously are setting a wonderful example for your fellow officers in more ways than one.
LT: I think so.
WCT: How about that Cherish Kimble? Any chance that you can help her out of the closet?
LT: I thought she was already out.
WCT: Can I just ask you, LT, and, again, here's a question directly lobbed from my readership: What's it going to take for you to settle down...at least for one night?
LT: Oh, for one night? Oh, that'd be easy. Honestly, just a good cry and three or four Midori Red Bulls. There's a lot of fellows I'd settle down with after three or four Midori Red Bulls.
WCT: Okay—to make it go on for at least a month so there's an anniversary involved?
LT: You know, I certainly would be into the long-term type of thing as long as it was slightly open-ended.
WCT: Alright. What slogan does LT live by?
LT: I love my fellow man.
WCT: A lot?
LT: A lot—and I hope he loves me back for at least 15 minutes.
Check out upcoming episodes of www.WindyCityQueercast.com for an expanded audio version of Richard Knight, Jr.'s, interview with 'LT.'
